Complete hypothetical just to understand what people think.
Say I did something small, and then an entire year goes by of good memories and then someone brings it up and there no way a majority of people couldn’t remember. I don’t think I could have a genuine apology for something I’m just told I have done a year earlier. I would be sorry I made them feel that way, but the action itself I couldn’t. If it wasn’t a close friend I would just fake it, but I think I need to be real with my close friends.
On the flip side, is fair to hold a small thing against someone for a year?
This is really hard to answer without knowing the context. It depends on if what happened warrants being sorry for an over a year. To hypothetical your hypothetical:
You stepped on your friend’s shoes a year ago and they just brought it up? I mean I’d still feel bad enough to say sorry but I don’t think it makes you
an asshole if you didn’t feel sorry
You slept with your friend’s SO? Yeah that warrants an apology even a decade later.
Details needed to really answer this question but the one thing you need to realize is just because it’s small to you doesn’t mean it’s small to them, especially if it’s still on their mind a year later.
But in general apologizes don’t have a time limit. You should be able to sincerely apologize a year later
Way more info is needed. Some people have irrational definitions of “small” and it’s actually a huge deal.
“I don’t remember that, but if I did it I am very sorry.”
Not a big problem you’re posing.
I am deeply sorry for the hurt I caused. I will endeavor to not do XYZ again. I’m sorry I hurt you.
Can’t tell without knowing what it is, what you and your friend consider “small” are obviously 2 different things. You have written this is a manner that you clearly don’t think you’re at fault, yet you don’t want to say what you did which is interesting.
Depends what you supposedly did. Even if it felt insignificant to you, if they’re saying it hurt them then it likely did
YTA – Your friend is still hurt and your “genuine” apologies have an expiration date? If this is how you treat your friends, I hate to think how you treat other people.
This is really vague, but I think YTA.
The person was clearly hurt by whatever you did if it’s still bothering them a year later. They may not have brought it up sooner because they were trying to forget about it and move on, but they eventually realized they just couldn’t let it go.
If you truly don’t remember the incident, you can still apologize for causing them such distress.
If you do remember, but didn’t think it was a big deal, you should still care that it was a big deal to them.
YTA. Not like a huge one, but one nonetheless.
It comes back to the old saying:
“The tree remembers. The axe forgets.”
The axe will cut down many trees in its life, so it won’t remember every tree. But every tree being destroyed by the axe will remember being destroyed.
This is what it is like when we hurt people, both intentionally and unintentionally. Just because a situation seems small and insignificant to you, doesn’t mean it was small and insignificant to someone else. When we unintentionally hurt someone, we don’t always know, because we didn’t mean to. But the person who was hurt *does* know. And therefore, it is something they remember.
That’s why open communication is so important. So that a loved one can let us know if we have unintentionally hurt them. If you have a friend saying that something you did hurt them a year later, then that situation wasn’t small for them.
Even if it’s something that seemed insignificant for you, you should still apologize. Because, ultimately, if you care for your friend, you should feel bad for even unintentionally hurting them. The apology doesn’t necessarily have to be for the action itself. Rather, the apology should be for the overall unintentional harm caused to your friend.
If they are still thinking about it a year later you can and should apologize if you care about them at all. Yes ywbia