**I am sorry in advance, english is not my first language**
I (23F) have been talking to this guy (30M.. let’s call him Tom) – someone I used to date for about a year *(long distance).* We’re not together anymore, bcs the fights and emotional tension became too much, but we’ve been hanging out – I was hoping to at least stay friends. We mostly just play video games, watch tv shows/movies. We also have a friend (23M.. let’s call him Jack). He’s the type of person with lots of energy – silly jokes, singing, random comments etc.
This past month has been extremely stressful for me. I had to go through medical testing, including a colonoscopy, and the doctors think I might have Crohn’s disease. I’ve been exhausted, anxious and honestly just scared. So this one week I wasn’t rlly in the mood to play with too many ppl, especially with Jack. Don’t get me wrong I like Jack, he’s a good friend. I prefered to spend my time with just Tom, playing relaxing games or watching tv shows/movies. In other words I was "avoiding" Jack that week.
I also had plans with my other IRL friend group to play a scheduled LoL Clash tournament – something we’ve been doing for years, it only happens occasionally and always on the weekends. We take clash seriously, but also to have fun.
I told about my plans to both Tom and Jack in our small groupchat, in case I wouldn’t reply fast enough. I also muted our groupchat so the notifications wouldn’t constantly interrupt me. I intended to reply when I could. Bcs of all this, I wasn’t glueted to my phone 24/7. The same day Tom has been "spamming" the groupchat, suggesting games us 3 could play together. I wasn’t ignoring them I was literally playing with my group of friends. But bcs I wasn’t replying fast enough, he got upset and couldn’t understand how I can play for hours and not have a sec. to reply. I actually tried, even suggested a game myself. I apologized for not replying, but I didn’t wanna be rude to my IRL friends, not pay attention to them, just so I could reply to Tom every 5min. And bcs of that they started the game I suggested without me. I complained to him about it and he exploded.
He started yelling (in all caps) and calling me all sorts of names: **selfish, whiny f, r-word, cry baby, spoiled lil brat.** Apparently he has been annoyed with me for the past week. That he was putting all this effort and I was stressing him out. That I made him angry with my actions. Mind you we’ve been playing solo that whole week…
The worst part? He thinks he did nothing wrong. This isn’t the first time he has said some hurtful things to me and didn’t feel bad about it. He thinks I deserve all this. I even saw his tiktok repost that basically said ***"Women are so delusional they think your reaction is the problem, not the chaos they caused."***
AITA? Am I delusional? Did I deserve it?
>I was hoping to at least stay friends
why? he sounds insufferable and you are probably better off without him in your life
do yourself a favor and cut bait
NTA
NTA. I’m getting a really clear picture of why you’re not dating Tom anymore. What I’m not clear on is why you’re staying friends with him.
Someone who called me even _one_ of the things he called you would be enough for me to end the friendship and blast them to all our mutuals. I can only imagine that he’s given you more of the same in the past. None of this is something a friend would do; I fear he’s only spending time with you out of hope you will rekindle your romantic relationship. He doesn’t seem to respect or value you platonically.
Relationship with him at the start was perfect, but after like 6months in, we’d argue a lot. I would talk about something that bothered me and he’d get irritated. Calling me dramatic, I was overreacting or not replying at all – giving me the silent treatment. Maybe he was a good manipulator, but sometimes I would actually believe I was the main problem and apologize to him. I regret giving him another chance as friends as I hoped he actually cared enough about me.
Just move on, toxic friendships are a drain and not worth it. Don’t wait for it to get worse