I M19 told my mom that my dad is wanting to divorce her.What happened was that my dad was drinking and he was called by his highschool friend(close friendship) to come to his house so dad went with my cousin,I was in the backseat of the car and my dad’s friend seemed upset and my dad asked wassup and his friend vented to him how his wife was leavimg her and I do not know if it was out of consolatio for his friend or he really wanted to do it but he said that he wants to divorce my mom and I was worried but not enough to tell her but he said again and again and then I panicked and told my sister(half sister different dads same mom) and I did not know that he was not cool with my dad anymore and I guess she told mom,after that my dad dissapeared for a day after he visited his friend and mom got upset but they had fixed it or so I thought.A week later as I am writing this he disappeared and gone drinking and came back and now mom brought up the topic of divorce and now dad is blaming me for telling my sister and he apologized to me but I know he hates me because he thinks I hate him but I do not hate him he is role model and I look up to him but I also love my mom and I thin the divorce is real,Am I The Asshole?
NTA. You’re the kid in the situation – of course you panicked, and of course you told your sister. Your dad is responsible for his words, and he said what he said. Your sister is responsible for her choice in telling your mom, and you couldn’t control that, and you had every right to tell her. Your mom’s responsible for her reaction, and she’s very entitled to reacting that way, as what your dad said was obviously hurtful. And if your dad’s just out saying this, there are so many ways this can get back to your mom, and I think most people would’ve wanted to know if their partner was just out in the world saying these things. It’s up to your parents to work it out or not, but as scary as divorces are, sometimes breaking up a bad relationship can lead to two happy homes rather than one stressful and miserable one, where your parents aren’t really happy. It’s not your fault. Don’t blame yourself. Your dad’s being the asshole for blaming you, tbh.
NTA
You need to sort out your thoughts. It’s not your fault. He shouldn’t be casually talking about your mom like that to anyone much less in front of you. Even if you look up to him and it’s hard to admit- he is in the wrong for saying that, and for blaming you. Don’t blame yourself so you can avoid holding him responsible for his behavior.
nta you get caught in the flood. be well
NTA – a good parent doesn’t put their kid in this situation. what’s important now is to make sure you are never involved in the ensuing marital spat. you deserve peace of mind, especially when it comes to your own mother, and don’t deserve to be subjected to this BS.
NTA. i’d do the same for either of my parents. i don’t want one of my parents being in pain when the other isn’t in love with them.
I’m going to say NTA. If your dad wants to divorce your mother, he should tell her and not blurt out secrets when young ones are around.
NTA Your dad is the AH in all of this, and he’s a piss poor role model. A guy who disappears and goes off drinking and talks shit about his marriage to his buddy in front of his kid is not someone you want to look up to. He can be mad all he wants, but he should’ve been mindful of the things he was saying. I feel bad for your mom.
Nta, but I would suggest you really rethink the concept that your dad is a role model.
Regardless of his plans to divorce your mother or his feelings that you betrayed him by sharing the information, I am EXTREMELY disappointed in your father for his behavior in this story.
It’s a bit hard to parse the details because of the way things are written here, but the clear points are that your father was quite drunk around you, then brought you around his friends while they were all drunk and apparently disgruntled, and then he proceeded to say MULTIPLE TIMES that he wants to divorce YOUR MOTHER in front of you?! I don’t even understand the rest of it. He disappeared for multiple day?! Like…. is he ok?
I certainly don’t know anything about your father besides what you’ve posted, but I’m sorry OP, that is not a description of a role model.
He should NOT be the one who is upset with you. Obviously you aren’t a child, but there’s no scenario under the sun that would make his behavior appropriate in front of you.
I’m sorry your father is so selfish. You must be terrified. He should NOT be putting you in this position.
To provide more context I invited myself because I was bored and wanted dad to hotspot me because we were in the villages but I wanted to make sure he is okay because when he is drunk he just wants to travel but he only dissapeared for a day
It’s not your fault for inviting yourself. Your father knew you were there, he knew what he was saying and how it would affect you.
This is all sounding like there’s a much bigger problem going on. You shouldn’t need to make sure your dad is ok while he’s drunk. You shouldn’t have to worry about him disappearing for any amount of time.
If this is the sort of thing that happens regularly, your parents getting divorced might be a better alternative for your mother.