For some context- I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years but I have know him since I was in middle school. We meet online and even online dated previously before being together currently. I broke up with him because I was going through a lot of personal problems and needed space. Years later and we get back in touch, meet in real life, and became good friends before we decided to give each other another chance. Which brings us to now
Recently we were talking and he mentioned how even though he knows I love him it hasn’t seemed like I have been attracted to him sexually as he is with me. While we had this conversation previously Im only actually paying attention to it now. I always refer to him as “cute” but I’ve never saw him as “sexy” or “hot”. We have done sexual acts and while I do enjoy it, it just seems as though I more enjoy the act and not HIM doing the act. I don’t even have thoughts of him doing things to me or want him to do those things unless he has initiated “spicy time”. It’s been eating me up since we spoke about it but I don’t know what to say or do. Do we just need to break up or is there a way we can move past this?
You try to lit back up that spark and you both need to contribute to keep it lit. It;s not something you can move past, it has to be address
I guess we just don’t know how too. It’s not because of anything the other did so how do you “fix” how someone sees you?
>I guess we just don’t know how too. It’s not because of anything the other did so how do you “fix” how someone sees you?
So for example if they gain some extra pounds then go work out to lose some weight. Their character also plays a factor here as well, so if they are like a slob where they don’t shower or clean after themselves then you’ll lose some level of interest as well.
Was there ever a spark there when yall first started?
I felt so. We had a great connection when we first started dating and we still do now. I was confident in our relationship till I started really thinking about this.
Maybe you just thought about it too much and you got inside your head or maybe you just realized you want different things but you do you need to talk to them about it and let him know how you are feeling don’t sit on it because maybe all you really want to do is communicate
You could try new experiences together to see if attraction builds, but honestly you’re both young and deserve someone where everything clicks. doesn’t mean he’s not great, just might work better as friends.
You should introspect on what you want in an intimate sense, then this is something that has to be talked about frankly. You can be stressed/tired/indifferent but those aren’t core thoughts. if they aren’t able to fulfill you romantically then you need to consider why to even begin to consider what isnt working here. it sounds like you have other things on your mind which is the average, its also the average for a man to have a focus on being serviced while not providing reciprocal attention in life through other avenues. do you all lole to spend time together? share interests? take time being considerate to one another without asking? intimacy is all sided not just where the skin touches.
look, attraction in ALL regards is important in a romantic relationship. if it’s gone, there’s not much you can do, and it’s a hard thing to get back.
my initial thoughts were “maybe you guys should take a break and see if the distances makes your heart grow fonder”, but it seems that’s already happened and led you here.
i’m sure there are aspects of the relationship you enjoy, but unfortunately this is a tough problem to fix. unless you’ve got a porn problem, chances are your flame for him is out of fuel.
if you aren’t attracted to him, it’s most humane to break up with him now. let him find a girl that is sexually attracted to him rather than hold down a relationship that you don’t even feel complete in.