So,in context, I’m (24m) My sister is (16f) and will give birth in the next couple of months to a child with her boyfriend, who is also 16. She will be 17 when she gives birth. She will drop out of school, and he will also drop out to take care of the family. His family wants him to continue studying and says they will provide financial help to support her, him, or both of them in some way. They could live either at her parents house or his parents house, but even then, it won’t be enough they will struggle.
I have always helped all my siblings financially. Even if some of them were the result of relationships I didn’t agree with, I cannot hate them because they are my siblings, my blood. I’ve paid tuition for two of my siblings to attend university while I was still studying myself. I also helped one sibling go to trade school to become a carpenter. I supported my youngest sister, who is about 19, through cosmetic and hairdressing school. I have always told them that I would help if they wanted to pursue something with their lives, but I would not always be there for them they had to take responsibility for themselves because I am building my own life.
I told the same thing to my 16-year-old sister, and she was okay with it until she got pregnant and asked me for help. I can’t help her financially in the same way I helped others, as my income comes from online businesses and the internet, which is not steady or guaranteed.I also don’t want to help her forever because she has to learn to be an adult.I suggested abortion, but she refused, saying she is ready to be a mom and to stay with her boyfriend.
At the same time, I can see that the boyfriend doesn’t want to be a father. He asked her multiple times to have an abortion and even left her, only to come back after six months. He recently returned two or three weeks ago.
I told my sister that I am not going to take care of her child. I won’t be there if she needs help, if she goes back to work, or anything else. She will have to ask someone else for support. Her mom (not my mom btw)told me that this is selfish because I helped most of my siblings get on the right track financially. She said that if I paid university fees for her two sons or my two half siblings, I should also support her financially.
I helped my other siblings to build better lives, not to support them through long term struggles.
My oldest sister now has a career in the hair and cosmetic industry. I helped her with social media, and now she manages it all herself. My younger brother is still doing his carpentry apprenticeship, but he is smart and will be fine.
I don’t want to be the brother who helps everyone, but not my youngest sister, but giving someone nearly 1500 every month for potentially years or even decades doesn’t sit right with me and I can’t afford it in the long term as I have plans. The father of the child doesn’t seem willing to take responsibility either.
What should I do?
NTA. You helped with careers, not procreation.
Your pregnant sister has a boyfriend to help her, as well as two willing sets of parents. You don’t need to insert yourself. She can ask, you can say no.
ESH
They can’t expect you to fund everyone’s lives
We can expect you to make up more believable posts. OP has been funding children as a child paying for multiple kids to attend school. Come on….
It’s not your mistake to fix. she had other options.
Have you said anything to her about being willing to help her get on a career path once the baby is born? If so then you’re all good.
NTA, you helped the others with their secondary education. When she is ready to get a trade or continued education, then you will help. Meaning, she needs to focus on graduating first. If in the US, schools have the ability to accommodate ten moms. She can even finish online. Her Mom is a fool.
NTA – reframe the situation. “For each of my siblings, I have helped with tuition to school or trade for a short period of time. I am not in a position to offer ongoing general financial support for any of my siblings. When youngest sibling has a career path, I will gladly help her pay for her further education, the same as I did for everyone else.”
For a 24 year old you must be extremely well off to help 4 of your siblings with university tuition fees as that which we all know are high !
“My offer to support your education and journey for a career to support yourself stands, but I’m not responsible for supporting your child”
Nta. 1500 a month is too much ! Maybe a 100 dollars for Christmas and bdays. Also why can’t the other 2 siblings help now that they are on their feet. Your sister also has a mom and dad who are still alive and who she is living with while she got pregnant. She is their child. Don’t throw money around.
NTA – help her try to put that baby up for adoption.
Why is a 16 yrm old having a child?
NTA, you would only be enabling her poor decisions by supporting her financially
I don’t know what state you’re in but there are usually welfare programs for low income parents.
Her boyfriend is the one who has to support her and the baby. Also, your parents should support her because she is a minor.
Why isn’t your sister putting her baby up for adoption? She isn’t prepared. Her mother doesn’t have the financial ability to care for the baby. The father isn’t prepared or willing to take care of the baby either. There are waiting lists of people who want to adopt. The baby’s, mother’s and father’s lives would be better if the baby was adopted. NTA