I (22m) moved back with my parents after graduation. I just got a job and plan to move out as soon as I save up a bit of money.
Since I’ve been back I’ve realized my mom and I are pretty different people. I nevertheless love her a lot.
I am not one to share a lot and often do a lot listening. I have noticed this with friends and in gatherings before, and I think it’s just how I operate. I like to hear what other people have to say.
My mom does a lot of sharing and she is also very inquisitive. If something interesting or out of the ordinary happens at work, she will be the first I tell. But otherwise if she asks me how work went I’ll say “Alright it was pretty normal.” This is most days cause most days look the same.
I know on the other hand that I will get a whole day play by play from my mom every day after work. Sometimes I really don’t feel like hearing about her work drama, but usually I don’t mind or find it interesting.
At dinner a couple weeks ago she started telling us a story at dinner and I said out loud “ohh I think I heard this one.” For some reason she took major offense to that and responded “sometimes I think you hate me.” I thought this was weird cause I was just realizing out loud that it was something I heard. I wasn’t by any means suggesting that she not tell it again to my brother who hadn’t heard it. Like at all.
Then today, I went to buy some chocolate for my friends and I got back home and she asked me how it was. I shrugged cause I really didn’t have anything to say, it wasn’t good or bad, it just was. I drove there ten minutes got the chocolate and came back. My mom proceeded to roll her eyes and grind her teeth. A couple minutes later I went to ask her a question and she broke down crying.
“I’ve been wanting to talk to you for months. I just feel like you don’t see me as a human being. You never ask me how my work is, I work so hard. You don’t value me at all. You never engage you just sit around.”
I was honestly shocked. I calmly told her I felt that was unfair and that I just am not one to share much and that I value silence and some alone time. She told me I’m being stubborn and brought up the John prime lyric “how the hell Can a person go to work in the morning come home in the evening and have nothing to say.”
So AITA? Should I just suck it up and attempt to engage more with my mom? Or is it reasonable to stay reserved and enjoy my silence and space?
NTA your mom seems like a drama queen.
NTA, you’re not the villain here. She’s taking your quiet personality way too personally. A little effort won’t kill you, but her emotional meltdowns over “you didn’t ask about my day” aren’t on you.
NAH. You seem to understand who she is and accept her behavior even though it doesn’t match yours. She seems to lack that empathy. It’s sad she still doesn’t see who you are after all these years but somehow thinks that, if you’re different from her, you must hate her. That doesn’t mean you need to act more like her—just that, if you don’t, you know what to expect.
I honestly think she’s empathetic but tends to overreact and is maybe ever so slightly self righteous. She’s proven to me she’s empathetic in many ways.
I’m gonna say NAH, cause you definitely are not an AH and I don’t think she is either. But she is your mom and probably having a hard time with how grown up you are and is looking for a way to connect with you and spend some time with her son. Give her a little bit of grace
This
Totally. We talked it out a bit and it seemed like she began to understand my pov. I just feel like she has often jumped to it being that I hate and don’t value her when it’s more that we’re just different and we can figure out ways to compromise. I don’t think she is the asshole at all I just think she can make me feel like one sometimes.
I think she’s probably just projecting her fear of losing you and maybe just wants some reassurance from you, and like I said just having trouble coming to terms with you being grown and not needing her as much. My baby just turned 4 and I cried, I can’t imagine how I’ll feel when she’s 22😂
YTA. Mom is giving you free room and board. The least you could give her is some attention.
Don’t like it, suck it up and move
Im fully grateful of her support and I don’t think she even wants me to move out. I will move out within the year but rn it doesn’t make sense to.
NTA. How much is there to say about a boring work day or a trip to the store? I don’t think she’s the AH for sharing stories at all, but “you hate me” and “you don’t see me as a human being” is really over dramatic.