I (43F) have a son (15M). Ever since my son got to high school, he’s had an extreme ego boost. He talks very negatively about other people and women. He’s even started to become disrespectful with me and his father. He’s been playing football since he was 5, so of course he joined the high school football team. He also plays football outside of school. We know that football boys can be assholes, so we assumed the boys on his team have been negatively influencing him. Those are the only people he hangs around anyways.
I had gotten a call from the school that my son had been suspended. What the assistant principal told me had me speechless. My son had made fun of someone’s dead grandma, and when the kid retaliated, my son and his friend group jumped that kid. My eyes welled up in tears when I heard this. I didn’t raise my son like this. He came home and we had a long conversation and my son was non receptive to it.
Me and my husband talked and we decided he spends too much time in sports. His grades are starting to slip too. Despite all of this craziness. The coaches want him on the team for next year. We decided it was best if we take our son out of football. We emailed the coach and let him know that he won’t be joining the football team next year. We also called his league coach and told him we’re taking him off the team.
When we broke the news to my son he was crying. He asked us why would we do this to him. We told him it’s for his own good. He’s become an AH ever since he’s gotten to high school. It’s less time for sports and more time for the books. My son has been moping around the house looking miserable. I told my brother this story and he said I was an AH
AITA?
NTA, just watch your back
Nope NTA
That’s called good parenting.
GJ!! Keep holding him accountable for his shit behavior. Stopping it now will help him be a better adult in the future.
Too many kids on the internet these days on video showing them being insufferable turds.
NTA. You’re teaching him that actions have consequence. If he doesn’t like those consequences, then he needs to learn and correct his behavior. What he did about the dead grandma was an asshole trying.
NTA you are teaching him to more careful about his actions. Thats good parenting for me
nta. your son has discovered that actions have consequences. well done.
I thought kids couldn’t play if their grades slipped? The coach let you down.
YBIWN (Yes, but it was necessary)
I don’t know what it is with some kids, but they can be brutal. Your son was on his path of becoming a bully. It’s likely been going on longer than you think. You NEVER talk shit about somebody’s family. Ever. That’s a line. And to gang up on somebody is a puss move.
Parenting isn’t a popularity contest. It’s shaping somebody’s character. That can involve tough decisions. It can involve harsh consequences. From the kid’s perspective, it’s a power struggle. Half the time they don’t know what they’re pissed off about, they just know that they have to win. It sucks from both perspectives. There are a lot of less engaged parents who wouldn’t have handled this with a firm, but fair, consequence. He can damn well earn his way back to your good graces. Slowly. Consistently. Respectfully. Honestly. If he doesn’t, he hasn’t earned his way back to the team. Good on you for what you’ve done. Respect.
NTA, actions have consequences as we all know. But I would suggest finding a therapist or someone for him to talk to
You’re doing the right thing as a parent. Your son jumped someone over a dead grandma joke—that’s not “sports culture,” that’s being a bully. Football isn’t more important than raising a decent human being. Stay strong.
NTA, what you’re doing is called being a Parent and teaching your son that Negative actions have Negative consequences.
The reality is, the majority of teens are assholes.
The strongest ones, the prettiest ones, the most popular ones, they are in a position to show their assholeness and seldom disappoint.
This my theory and mine only… but if the kids who are shy, self-conscience, etc. all had extreme confidence tomorrow… they would like do the same thing.
Why? Because social status to a raging hormone machine with ONE THING on their mind will always win. On top of that you got a bro-code on football that has good kids, but also the dumbest boxes of rocks and it’s killed or be killed.
No ides what happened with the details of the story, but a choice had to be made by your son in terms of the assault. It was “do this thing that I know is shitty but keeps my shit secure, or go against the grain of all the people I consider peers and risk it all?”
Now, if he was the ring leader and antagonizer? He’s a huge asshole. He needs to stop trying to impress people so much (even though we all do that at that age.) What happens when they graduate and the summer before college they start a fight at a party and “gotta get my bros back” turns into 5 years for various charges as an 18+ adult?
I understand his struggles, but you still handled it well. Continue to let him know you don’t have to fall into that shit to be cool. And the day that last bell hits senior year, none of this shit will matter ever again.
” Your continued poor behaviour is something of great concern. Sport is a luxury, not a right. Until you can demonstrate consistently that youre focussing on school and working to be a better person, we will not be giving approval for you to resume playing football within highschool or an external league. “
This is somewhat dramatic but I can tell you I did this in high school and it impacted my decisions.
Most people know the best athletes in high school are the ones who hit puberty earlier and grew into full on men before the rest of the kids.
That said, steroids are huge in high school football. I had great parents and decent friends and no reason to make bad decisions. That said, the better I was at football, the more important I was to people at school, and the more a cheerleader or anything with a pulse would want to date me.
My parents never knew. We all worked out for multiple periods in school, we went after to a gym, we ate like crazy, etc.
This was at the same time kids are sprouting and eat like animals anyways. While you think they would catch it, it’s just making the transformation time more intense .
In college my dad had asked me if I was actually and I told him no but I did 11th and 12th grade.
High school didn’t test and I’m almost positive my coach did steroids himself. His son was on freshman team below me and looked like JJ Watt
NTA. I think you need to constantly watch your back or maybe send him to strict but good boarding school. That’s how my uncle fixed my cousin but he did that since 5th grade. He can’t accept his son screaming and making demands to everyone, so boarding school it is. Now that cousin graduated from medical school and he said that boarding school was really good for him, it’s not a cruel crazy place but it’s an academically famous school with dorm and more rules than his previous school but overall, it’s good for him.
One last thing…. Why is football the answer ?
I understand the players and stereotypes you have towards them… but they are a release too. Teenagers are walking boners that have zero control over that.
Every single one of us was after the opposite sex at this time and many bended in ways they thought they wouldn’t to achieve it.
Your son didn’t jump a kid because he plays football. Your son either let his mouth write a check he couldn’t cash, or he misunderstood loyalty for fairness.
Why did he make the joke?
Is the other kid an athlete ?
Why would your son need beating up a kid he was tougher than? Lot of this seems strange.
Even if you’re right about football, then it’s too late anyways. He’s already in that circle and now he’s just gonna be angry. Even worse, he can’t ever have a spotlight on the field so guess where he can have a spotlight ? Better get him in boxing then.
Talk to the coach. Tell him to punk there little asses. If he did just bully and beat a kid for no reason but amusement, then have your husband have a chat with him in a secluded forest area miles away from anyone else.
Make him do favors for that poor kid. Start by going to his house and having him apologize.
Don’t make him apologize and be fake but tell him that depending on his effort and sincerity, that would depend if he played next year.
What details can you share about the verbal spat and the physical one?
Is this the only example he has of misbehavior outside of how he acts at home? It’s bad behavior but it’s one issue that escalated with poor judgement. This isn’t indicative that he’s an asshole all over and football is the reason.