Back in September, I reconnected with Guy. Guy is my ex-boyfriend’s best friend, but that’s a whole separate story. Guy and I started talking again, and during that phase he used to tell me a lot about this woman at work, Girl
According to him, Girl was the person who “made him want to feel things again” after his previous relationship. It was emotional, intense, almost-romantic-but-not-quite. They dated, broke up, whatever happened happened… but the way he talked about her, it was very clear that she meant something to him.
Fast forward to December, Guy and I are getting more serious
He has female friends and I genuinely try to be a healthy, non-controlling girlfriend about it. I don’t want to be the “tell me who you can and can’t talk to” person. But Girl isn’t just a friend. She’s a coworker, so she’s constantly there. They have group lunches, team stuff, etc.
Here’s what’s making me uncomfortable:
At a work event a while ago, she was acting cold and ignoring him. He came to talk to me about it, and we weren’t even dating yet, so I just tried to be supportive.
Then recently they had another event, and she was cold again. He tells me everything about her mood, their interactions, their back-and-forth messages, etc.
She still seems to have emotional pull over him, and he still reacts so strongly to her behavior.
And now that we’re actually together, I’m starting to feel like all this tension between them is not just “coworker drama.” It feels like leftover emotional energy from whatever they were before. The kind of cold-hot dynamic ex-lovers have.
He assures me there’s nothing there, but he talks about her a lot. And when someone continues to affect your emotions that much… the chapter doesn’t feel fully closed, you know?
I’m not jealous of his friendships. I just don’t want to be in a relationship where someone else still has emotional real estate.
I don’t know if I’m overthinking this or if my gut is picking up on something real. I don’t want to be the insecure girlfriend, im trying to be healthier about relationship but I also don’t want to ignore red flags because I’m scared of looking “crazy. How do I approach this in a healthy way?
Awww…this one sucks. You seem open, kind and sweet. But that’s his girl. That’s the woman he thinks about. Get out now. I’m sure you have a great time with him and he with you, but she will always be the one that he thinks about. You deserve better. When it’s that obvious, you know but you wish you didn’t, yeah???