I’m 24(f) in a relationship with 24 (m) for almost 3 years.
Since June of this year there has been a drastic change in our sex drives. Everytime I ask if he wants to have sex he makes an excuse.
At first I thought he’s stressed so I should give him some time but he never initiates.
For the last three months he’s been giving me the same excuse "not this month"..
I’ve tried to ask him multiple times what is the reason but he says he just doesn’t feel like it anymore.
This has been a huge blow on my self esteem and I’m starting to feel deprived.
Is there any way we can fix this or is my relationship doomed?
It is probably doomed. A sudden change in sex drive pretty much means he is cheating on you or his health changed in some way.
I don’t know enough information to say anything for sure, but my guesses would be either he realized he’s not feeling a deeper connection and no longer feels the new relationship energy, or he’s cheating and getting his needs met that way. Either way, it doesn’t seem like a good sign
Address the underlying issue. But there’s no way for us to tell what that is.
I asked him if he finds me unattractive or if he’s lost that spark he says it’s nothing like that. That he’s just stressed and doesn’t feel good .
Then focus on solving that. He’s in a relationship with you so he should also want to make you happy (on top of making himself happy) so it’s not unreasonable to work on this together and making it a big priority.
I learned to play his fav game just so we could have something more in common and I get to bond with him better. But he thinks he did a favour by introducing me to that game🙁
I understand that misunderstanding can be frustrating. And as an attempt to fill a possibly missing connection it’s definitely a good try.
Don’t get focused on the exact details if they don’t have anything to do with solving your problem. They’re absolutely understandable – especially if your needs are not being met.
Have you talked about this problem extensively, without either of you getting defensive? Formed theories on what could be the cause and how to best go forward? It’s very important that you approach this as “the two of you as a team” vs “the problem”, instead of “you” vs “him and his problem”
Stress can make him lose his libido. Isn’t he starting to be depressed, or he is depressed for some time? I can’t say he is cheating on you. Especially if you didn’t see signs for unfaithfulness. Another option can be he is porn addict. But if he told you he is stressing a lot that’s a valid reason for no sex.
Some men have low sex drive and i wouldn’t mak it personal. I would suggest having a talk with him about it. And trust me (from miserable experience) if they’re not willing to change, do what I wish I had of done and leave
The main issue is if the sex drive was low from the beginning I wouldn’t mind but it has decreased in the past few months and that’s driving me insane
Yep. Same here. He told me he felt differently about me and we wouldn’t have that problem.
First 6 months, more times a week than I can count
6+ months once a week
8-10 months once ever two weeks
1 year, two weeks to once a month
1.5 year once a month or once every other month
2 year every 2nd month
2.5 year once 2.5-4 months
3 year every 4-5 months
And then 3.5 I’ve had sex once that year.
Don’t do this to yourself. I wish I could have made the choice to leave earlier but I didn’t.
Health and Stress can be a huge factor. It sounds like that’s the problem. I have similar issue with my partner. He is really ill and tired all the time. He is now trying to find out why he feels so bad. But yes, our sex life suddenly went dead. Ones a month from every day. And the key to know if he is still in love with you is if he is intimate in other ways. Like, does he touch you, cuddle you, tell you loving things? If everything else is the same, It’s probably stress or sickness. Now, that’s not an excuse. It means he needs to sort it out. If he is stressed, he needs to find a way to fix, change or distract himself somehow whatever the problem is. If he is ill, he needs to go check himself. If he just has accepted he feels that way and doesn’t do anything to change it, then it’s the end. He still needs to put the effort. At the end, let him know that this is something that is important to you. Say that you feel like this is a half relationship and that being Intimate is really important to you. Good luck.
Whats causing him stress? Are yall ok?
Have you straight up told him how this is affecting you? Like not just asking what’s wrong, but saying this is killing my self esteem and we need to figure this out together or I can’t do this
Sometimes guys don’t realize how serious it is until you’re really direct about it being a dealbreaker. If he still won’t even talk about it after that, then yeah you have your answer.