Before the break up we bought a camera together (we paid equally). She (21F) somehow broke the camera when she was on a vacation without me (22M). Of course it wasn’t a big deal, we found a service to repair it and left it there for a week. In that week I have decided to break up with her. When we met to take back our camera, because of I was gonna break up we paid equally for the repair although she said she was gonna pay. After the break up she said that I can keep the camera and also wanted me to pay for the other half of camera. It was fair so ı accepted but I told her that I can’t pay soon ’cause I have financial issues and she knows that. We both agreed over everything and left.
1 week later she asked me if she can have the camera for a few days. So ı said ”Sure, I’m gonna leave the town for a few weeks so you can keep it until I come back”. I gave her the camera the day before I left the town. I was out of town for 3 weeks to take care of some personal problems and I returned yesterday. I texted her if I can have the camera back because I had plans with my friends. She said ”Sure but when you gonna pay me?”. I wasn’t expecting that question ’cause she knows my financial problems. Anyway I asked her if it is urgent, she said yes. I didn’t want to argue so I sent other half of the price that we paid for camera. When I asked her when can ı come and get it, she said ”You didn’t send enough”. She was expecting me to pay for the repair money either. Again not to argue with her I told her to wait a few days then I will send the rest. She asked me ”when exactly?”. I was about to lose my mind. I borrowed money from a friend and sent her the rest of the money.
Today I went to the coffee shop that she works. She gave me the camera and after that she was expecting me to leave but I was mad at her and wanted to talk. I have waited until her break. Then I argue over her attitude. She got sad and apologized.
I can’t stand seeing her sad even though I broke up with her. So I thought I might have overreacted. But I can’t understand why she acted that way because she wasn’t in need of money. She knows my problems and also she knows I can’t stand arguing over money. A mutual friend of ours said I am an asshole for arguing with her at her work place even though we sealed the deal.
For you to know, it wasn’t a problematic break up. We were agreed on everything before break up and didn’t even properly talk after that. So am I the asshole?
NTA – But why oh why would you give her back “her half” of the cost to fix the camera (checks notes) SHE BROKE?!?! You messed up by giving it to her when you left, do you not learn from your mistakes? For all you knew she was hounding you for money because she broke it again and knew she wouldn’t see a dime if you knew. And she knew that asking for it would give her an “in” as it were to either control you or interact with you on her terms.
You are a much nicer person than me to say the least… Get away, far far away form this person who will use you and use you. No contact, no more borrowing anything (obviously, the camera is 100% yours now), nothing…. because f you leave that door open she’ll come crashing in needing something else from you.
Good luck, hope you were able to sort everything out you needed to and are on the road to growth and happiness.
I think YTA. You basically cornered her.
How would you feel if she showed up to your workplace? Or showed up to the bar you were at with friends for an impromptu serious conversation with you?
It’s one thing if the conversation naturally evolved into that, but you *waited* for her on her break. Her place of business was a bad choice for a meeting spot — but you crossed a line still.
“I was mad at her and wanted to talk. I have waited until her break. Then I argue over her attitude.” — this is harassment; you know she doesn’t want to talk to you, but you waited to catch her off guard and trap/pressure her into a conversations.
If you want to talk, ask her to set up a time. This was not respectful to her or her time. You’re mad, it happens, but be the bigger person.
IMO it was toxic and disrespectful. If you wanted to have a conversation, you should have had it before you “cut ties”. If you two do have a conversation, it should be on equal terms: both of you must agree.
I understand that it was an emotional decision. But if we all followed our own intense emotions, we would live in anarchy.
For this reason, YTA.
She told me to meet her at her work place. I didn’t choose the place. And I think she did that on purpose because she knew it would be a safe place for her.