Hi new to this so please excuse if its confusing still trying to figure out how to post… anyways i met this friend in 2018 when I started working at a movie theater. We started as just coworkers and developed a friendship over time but I wouldnt say close friends just enjoyed each other’s company and talks while we worked. During one of those talks she told me about her boyfriend that’s she’s been on and off with since high school and has 2 kids with. I stopped working there after about 6 months and we kept editing in touch on instagram for a while before we just stopped talking. We still follow each other on ig so I know she’s been with him since then since she always post him and her kids. So fast forward to tonight as im bored swiping on tinder and his profile comes up. I never knew his name or anything just know what he looks like because of her post. I even believe in one of his pics you can see her in the background of it. I dont know if I should tell her or not because we havent spoken in years and I know her father passed a few years ago and I dont wanna ruin what seems like a happy family.
WBTAH. Personally, I’d want to know. Did you screenshot the profile? Because it could be as simple as just sending the screenshot to your friend. She can decide what she wants to do with the information.
How is that NTAH? Who wouldn’t want to know? And anyone who says they wouldn’t are in denial. I swear some people just justify letting people stay with horrible people and I don’t understand it.
Whoops, it’s 3am and I didn’t read the title properly. Editing now lolol
Ohh okay that makes way more sense lmao, sorry, I have met quite a lot of people with the previously thought view so I kinda jump on it-
I’m glad you mentioned something though! So no worries.
omg definitely tell her! she deserves to know if her man is on tinder, especially with kids involved. doesn’t matter if you guys aren’t close anymore.
That feels like a tough one.. if you were more actively involved atm with her. Hanging out on weekends,coffee days, having dinner at each other’s houses, then I’d say you would be in more of a position to reach out and tell her.
Considering you make it sound like you two aren’t as active in each other’s lives. And you may not have the full Intel on this boyfriend general activities or whether he is actively using tinder or if it’s just an idle account from one of their off again periods.
I’d say you would not be the asshole for staying out of
It. But.. if the opportunity rises during conversation down the road, it wouldn’t hurt to just let her know in passing.
yes you would be the asshole, YWBTA.tell your friend that she’s being cheated on.
You would absolutely BTAH if you don’t tell her, especially if you have screen-shots / proof. It’s simple golden rule stuff. Would you want to know if your partner was looking to step out on you? 🤔 I’m betting you would
Please tell her. Even if you aren’t close, she will at least have the information. She can do with it what she wants, but you at least would have done your part. Even if it turns out to be a catfish who stole his pics for the profile (which, let’s be real, is doubtful lol), he can then report it and get it taken down. But regardless, she deserves to know. NTA
Tell her and take a screenshot of his profile to send to her.
In my honest opinion YWBTA if you didn’t tell. I think cheaters are bad people and people who allow cheaters to be bad are by association also a form of bad people. But that’s just my opinion and I know a lot of people disagree.
And in the “shoot the messenger situations” I’ve always just seen it as you try, then immediately take a step back. Once you tell them it’s not really your problem. They believe you or not or are angry. Some people are immensely grateful some people are not but that’s kind of how it is for everything.
That said you say she has Instagram, could you just create a quick Instagram account with say a Google number or something and send it from that profile with no photos of you attached seeing you saw her man on Tinder? You know… middle ground if it’s that much of a concern.
YWBTAH if you didn’t tell her.
If they have some kind of agreement where him being on tinder is okay, then that’s fine. If they don’t have that agreement, then you’ve saved her wasting her time with someone who doesn’t actually love or respect her.
As her friend, no matter how distant, don’t you want her to be with someone who truly values and respects her?