TLDR: I’m travelling for work projects, most of the time I am working from home. My girlfriend is hurt when I take trips. I feel like she doesn’t support me and it causes unnecessary fights.
Hello dear Community,
I have a situation going on and don’t know how to handle it anymore.
I have been working full time for the past 9 years and have studied on top of that. For the past two years my studies required me to travel to campus (which is a few hours away from home) for one week every 2 months.
I have been without a job for the first half of 2025 which was a tricky situation, especially because we moved into a new apartment and the time of searching for a new job cost me pretty much all of my savings. I am now working in a consultancy which allows full remote work when costumers don’t need us in office.
For the last 5 months in the new job I was working fully from our apartment. Now I have my first onsight project which requires be to be there 6 working days in the next two weeks before christmas. Additionally I had my last week of uni and some events so for the past few weeks. For the last few weeks I was travelling like so:
Week 1:
One night stay cos of event (work)
Week 2:
Five night stay cos of uni
Week 3:
One night stay cos of event (work)
Week 4:
One night stay cos of event (work)
Week 5:
Three night stay cos of project (work)
Week 6:
One night stay cos of project (work)
She is still in an apprenticeship and I now have a good salary so we part our costs based on income. I pay for food, our car and the main part of the rent. She pays also her part of rent, energy, etc.. This is absolutely fine and my new job has also lead to a little bit more financial security and freedom cos we don’t have to look at every penny anymore and it the employer even supports us on internet fees and food on top of my salary. Also, it’s just fun to work there. Much better than everything I had before and even the working hours and need for travel are much better than in any other consultancy.
However, every time I need to go on a trip I feel like she is hurt and makes me responsible for not being there for her. I hear sentences like "now I have my exams and you’re not there again. I’ll be so stressed" and even occasionally a "you don’t want to be here anyway".
In all other anspects our relationship is very balanced and very wholesome. I just realised that she has a problem with being alone and is hurt which she expresses over being angry at me.
I tried to talk to her about it but she says she can’t help it. She is not angry at me but just hurt and unhappy when I’m not there.
This has led to me being fearsome when I have a new trip and for trips in the future and I sometimes have the feeling that she just supports my job decisions as long as I never have a trip to take.
I feel like she can’t really grasp why I have to take the trips and the feeling of being financially responsible atm. Her apprenticeship is the first real work experience she is gathering just now and I have the feeling we are just not on the same wavelength when it comes to that. My studies are now over so I’ll not have to take trips to campus anymore. But I will have to go to projects occasionally in the future and I don’t want to change into a different job that is not as fun and doesn’t pay as good.
Do you have experience with a partner that has issues being alone? Do you travel for work and your SO don’t? And if yes, what things helped you in that situation?
Time to be blunt with her: This is what the job requires. It’s not negotiable, and it’s not about her. If she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with someone whose career requires them to travel frequently, that is her choice: you’ll be sad about it, but she has to do what’s best for her. But if she wants to continue dating you, she needs to figure out how to deal with you being on the road without the complaints and the guilt trips, because you can’t keep having this argument every single time.