I’m a 20 year old guy at university who’s never been in a relationship before, and i wanna change that
I feel kinda behind my friends who are either or have been in serious relationships or casual flings, whilst i’ve never even had the chance to hold a girls hand haha
I feel like being at university is my last chance to be inexperienced when it comes to dating without it being a potential red flag but genuinely i have no idea where to start
Talk to women.
Be friends with women.
Let women know you.
And your girl friends DO NOT need to become your girlfriends.
More likely they’ll be great wingmen who can help set you up with other girls, give you advice on dating, your appearance, etc.
And you can be yourself and learn how to comfortably talk to girls without the pressure of dating.
>More likely they’ll be great wingmen who can help set you up with other girls, give you advice on dating, your appearance, etc.
Dunno how people find friends who do this for them. The guys commiserate about stuff together, but the women I’ve known are uniformly wholly disinterested in anything to do with your relationship status.
The consensus in my experience tends to be that they don’t want to get involved in any way, because they don’t want to be responsible for failed relationships/etc.
It’s more that when you’re friends with girls, you can go out, and having women around you makes you more approachable for random women that you meet. They also invite you to parties where there are other women, so you’ll start meeting more women.
They aren’t going to set you up. You still have to do the work.
This seems much more believable, and in line with what I’ve seen and experienced.
They aren’t actively being a wingwoman or helping you develop your glow-up, but their presence with you is a signal to other women.
Especially in a place like in University, in most cases when random girl has any kind of interest in you, she is NOT gonna go and talk to you directly, instead she is gonna ask other girls about you. Girls do talk with each other about boys a lot, so having friends there mean they will get some positive feedback. That alone increases your chances a lot. If you are lucky with your friends they might give more than positive feed, they might give approval. Other woman’s approval makes you much more attractive, it really does matter a lot.
So yes, it is super unlikely that your girl friends will set you up, but they do talk and it might have a huge effect without you even realizing it.
That’s good advice for making female friends, but that’s just a recipe for making a future nice guy incel if you don’t pair that with “learning when and how to flirt and show romantic interest, and actively express interest when you see signs of romantic interest back”.
Being able to make friends (of any gender) is a prerequisite for having a romantic relationship. You have to actually enjoy other people’s company, sincerely, without feeling an immediate demand to “level up.”
People with larger friends networks (gender-inclusive) are way more likely to meet friends-of-friends who might be good partners even if your friends aren’t.
Being able to make friends is great, I never said otherwise. Yes, make genuine friends. What I did say was treating women only as friends without ever escalating is going to lead to women, surprise surprise, seeing you as a friend and then feeling shocked and betrayed (as well as very likely nuking your social relations with everyone involved in that friend circle) if you express romantic interest to a woman that you only ever treated as a friend for months.
>You have to actually enjoy other people’s company, sincerely, without feeling an immediate demand to “level up.”
Ok, and then what happens when you make a genuine connection, sincerely enjoy her company, then only treat her as a friend until months or years later you say you want to date them out of the blue. Do you see why I’m saying your advice seems custom tailored to create incels?
Men by and large do not struggle forming genuine connection with women, sincerely enjoying their company, and waiting awhile for to “level up” as you put it. It is actually usually the opposite, women often complain about getting male friends, enjoying being around them for months, and then hating that their male friend catches feeling. In fact, this is what genuinely pisses me off about the judgemental tone where we just assume that men are incapable of having genuine sincere interest.
The reality is for men that it is that you’re going to make female friends, you’re going to genuinely enjoy their company, and after forming a sincere friendship, if you get a crush it will be statistically unlikely for their crush to reciprocate. This is why it’s important to be able to signal romantic interest, read signs that your romantic interest is reciprocated, be brave enough to state your feelings early on, and being able to gracefully accept rejection and quickly move on. Telling men “just treat women as friends and wait for them to realize what a sweet and nice guy you are” is terrible advice that’s just going to create incels.
If you see someone you find attractive, go up to them, say, “Hi, my name is _______, what’s yours?” And if she gives you her name, say, “You look like someone I’d like to get to know better. Can I take you out to dinner sometime?” If she says yes, get her number and establish where and when (pick somewhere not too casual and not too fancy). The day before the date, text her to be sure you’re on and she didn’t give you a fake number.
If she says no, then say, “That’s okay, have a great day!” And leave.
If she’s with a group of friends, for fucks sake don’t try to ask one of them out!
That last line got me🤣
You’d be surprised how many times I’ve seen a guy try that in a bar!
++woman
Take care of your health whether that be gym or eating right, have good hygiene/face care and a clean room. Be a kind and thoughtful person too.
But yea, Dating apps, walking up and asking, talking to a girl in your class or at the gym. If you see her frequently ask for her number. Mutual friends are a thing if you have a larger friend group.
It’s scary and yea you’ll get turned down and feel awful. but also don’t be afraid of that because you don’t know without trying. It’s gonna be embarrassing from time to time but that’s kinda dating in general. As long as you’re respectful when asking girls won’t walk away and whisper “you’re weird”
Literally you can walk up and be like “hey I think you’re pretty is it ok to ask for your number?”
And either they say “oh I’m dating!” Or “sure” and that’s that lol. No one will be offended by that promise.
fwiw I think is not bad advice but be careful. universities are very liberal institutions first and foremost and not everyone will be cool with randomly approaching girls at the gym and you could get a pretty disastrous rep
almost every relationship ive seen was started via friends of friends meeting up. make a lot of friends, make outgoing friends that drink, when they drink, go to their pres and talk to the women there. if you go to a student bar/club speak to the women there. you can make some women uncomfortable, but you shouldnt so long as you dont have egregiously bad body language or social skills.
you can also go to societies. this is common advice but you should know that culture societies are made for this. theyre made for making more friends and more shagging.
i only went on a date for the first time in grad school so dont be too disheartened if youre not successful yet. good luck