Hi! Never thought I’d write one of these, but here we are. I, 24 (F), and my roommate/best friend, 26 (F) have lived together for roughly two years. It was a messy situation- at first she moved in when my mom and I lived here, but my mom, after having a long battle with alcoholism, moved out to give me space after, well, traumatizing me and my roommate.
So, after my mom moved out, my roommate and I have had many struggles. She was raised in a very abusive and neglectful home, and I have tried very hard to help her overcome some things and get some medical diagnosis that attribute to her sensitive nature.
I cannot help but take care of her, because when she just sits there and doesn’t eat for a week, I can’t just sit there and watch. So I take care of her.
Well, recently she told me she needed space, and wanted me to do nothing at all for her. I agreed. And promptly was excluded from our friend group because ‘she needed space and didn’t want to be around me’.
In addition to that, because she never cares for herself, I let her keep eating my food, and kept taking care of her during her meltdowns.
I even offered for her to take a medical leave from her job and not pay rent for a month because she was such a wreck, and instead of taking care of her health like we’d discussed, she went to visit her abusive family for THE WHOLE MONTH.
During that month alone, I realized how happy I was just… living alone. I don’t feel exhausted. I dont feel depressed. Im hanging out with my friends. I dont feel like im constantly in the wrong and doing bad things.
BUT she only works part time and couldn’t afford to live anywhere else without a roommate. (Also I dont think anyone else would live with her except her family).
The apartment is in my mom and I’s name, and if my roommate left it would probably be to rent a room not a whole apartment.
And, as far as my mom goes, she is actually doing very very well and we have a good relationship again. But, I dont know if I could live with her given everything I went through.
So Reddit, WIBTA if I kicked out my roommate, and should I let my mom move back in? I have been having panic attacks over this.
Thank you for reading all of this, and if you have any follow up questions then feel free to ask, I will answer.
Have a lovely day!
NTA. Live alone & enjoy your peace of mind.
NTA, but since the apartment is also at your mom’s name, you may want to check what will happen if she ask to come in since she also owns it.
You might want to refer he to some social service program, church , etc.
She needs some professional help that you can not provide
YTA to yourself.
Kicking out your roommate with issues, to accept your mom with issues, is just trading a bad situation for another bad situation.
Stop being a doormat, and caretaker. You are an enabler at worst, and helicopter friend at best.
It is one thing to be concerned, but to tell someone that you will cover their expenses if they quit their job, is NOT YOUR JOB.
Stop caretaking. Learn appropriate boundaries. Then you can welcome healthy relationships into your life.
NTA but your mom moving back in is a separate issue for you to consider. Would you be comfortable with that?
Don’t let mom move back in after you kick the roommate out.
Kicking the roommate, yes, you are just used.
Letting your mom comeback, I don’t think you can legaly refuse, if she is on the appartment papers.
Take care of you. Your mom is an adult. Your roommate is an adult. They need to help themselves. Take a breath and just focus on you for a moment. You cant help people when you yourself are all burned out.
NTA; If you can afford rent alone and don’t want to live with anyone, then don’t live with anyone. You don’t owe your mom anything and your roomie doesn’t want to be around you, so let her move out and just live alone.
NTA, another option would be to find a smaller place just for yourself.
NTA. But you need therapy to stop enabling codependence. You do too much care taking. Get some help to sort this out or it will follow you the rest of your life.
I’m inclined to say NAH between you and your roomie simply because I doubt we’re getting the whole story. You would be TA if you did it with no warning or time to find another place.
Your mother – NTA but you might not have a legal choice if she’s on the lease? Get your name off of it to protect your relationship.
NTA go rent a room or find a stable roommate but you’re burning yourself