Long-term relationship (M26, F27) future uncertain after caregiver burnout and dead bedroom

My (26M) girlfriend (F27) and I have been together for over 5 years. We met when we were teens (we come from the same area in Romania) and were good friends for a few years before we started dating. We dated long-distance for a few years after I went abroad to study before she moved in with me. To this day she’s one of my best friends, a confidant, and a lovely human being I deeply appreciate, but it’s fair to say I have not been happy in this relationship for the better part of the last 2 years.

The first couple of years were actually great despite the distance: we visited each other every few months while we were in uni, had great communication with each other, a similar outlook on life, and great chemistry. We also matched really well sexually; I consider myself somebody with a rather high libido, and she was matching my energy in those first two years (even beyond the so-called "honeymoon phase", I would say).

The main problem we faced in those first few years (and even to this day, honestly) mostly came down to her depression. She’s actually been diagnosed with it, partly due to genetics but also stemming from a difficult childhood and a borderline toxic relationship with her parents. She’s always had many insecurities, didn’t want to seek therapy, extreme social anxiety, just to name a few problems. I have always been quite supportive, even before we started dating. I encouraged her to see a therapist, supported her when she had to start taking her meds, and generally tried to be a good listener, understand her, and offered her advice when I could, even if she often didn’t want it.

After I graduated college, I moved to Switzerland to study my master’s and found a job after graduating. She moved in with me shortly after. She had always said she disliked the country, the weather here, and the language, but she had also wanted to leave Romania for a while (the situation’s not the best there if you’ve been following the news), try to finally start saving money after graduating, and of course living together. It seemed like a great idea at the time: she wouldn’t have to start from scratch and figure everything out herself like I had to do years prior, but I’d be there to help her every step of the way.

I think that’s when the relationship started deteriorating. She had been making good progress fixing her bad habits thanks to the therapy and the meds, but she never really managed to integrate here or find good friends, and not for a lack of trying. It also didn’t help she completely refused to learn the language. In her mind, we were only supposed to stay here for a couple years before we actually moved somewhere we’d both like, something we could plan together, so it wasn’t worth it. And that was actually the idea, but every time I’d try to start the conversation, she’d start crying cause the topic was stressing her. And when I did manage to get her to talk about it, she would get depressed and start saying she didn’t know what she wanted to do with her life, that nothing was gonna work, and so on…

Our sex life completely deteriorated as well. We started having physical contact only once every few weeks, and then weeks turned to months. I would constantly try to start something, but she was hardly ever in the mood anymore. I tried everything: talking about it, letting her take the lead, leading myself, dressing up and going to the movies, dressing down and staying home watching Netflix. But nothing worked, and every time we’d talk about it she’d feel really guilty and promise me she was constantly thinking about it, trying to "fix it", but nothing ever really changed. It only got worse with time, to the point where we’ve only had sexual, physical contact (not even sex) maybe 4-5 times in all of 2025. And I always feel so selfish when the topic comes up, because it seems it’s only a problem *she* has to fix for *my* sake. But I don’t think that’s fair… Sex and physical attraction are both crucial parts of a healthy relationship, and even though I consider myself quite mentally strong and positive, it started taking a toll on me, I started to feel so… unwanted.

As time passed, I felt there was resentment slowly growing between us. We started arguing more, and more often than not it was related to her mental health deteriorating as well. She hated her job. She hated many of her colleagues. She felt alone, and told me multiple times that I was the only one there for her; her parents were ignoring her, she felt she had no friends. At times, she even told me she wanted to kill herself, which completely wrecked me. Sometimes she’d get home and lock herself in the toilet for hours, and I’d get worried she would hurt herself. There’s a lot more that happened in the last few years, but I think you get the picture.

In the last 1-1.5 years, this started slowly draining my energy as well. I googled it and came across the term "caregiver burnout", and that’s exactly how I felt, and we even talked about it with her a few times. I felt responsible for this, for "bringing her" abroad and putting her in this situation, even if I knew deep down that it wasn’t my fault. I took care of her, listened to her when she was crying, spiraling over something that happened at work. Comfort her every day when she came from work. I even felt like I had to be extremely careful whenever I talked to her, cause sometimes something I’d say (even something as simple as "I’m gonna meet a few friends on Friday") would trigger her and she’d start crying for hours.

I am by no means perfect: I have made mistakes as well, but as time went by, I felt the relationship became more and more one-sided. Sometimes I would find excuses to go out, or stay out a bit longer just to avoid going back home when she was having a rough day. I felt like an asshole. I tried to talk about how _I_ was feeling in all this. I told her I would be there to support her, but begged her to start going to therapy again, try to actually get better. I emphasized that I am not and cannot be her psychologist or her parent: I would support her, but the solutions and the willingness to get out of her situation needed to come from herself.

She understood this at first and agreed with me, but nothing really changed and, as time went on, she said she started feeling lonelier than ever, as if not even I was there for her anymore. We had a long talk and she told me she realised she’s not living her life anymore, as if she’d lost the spark she’d always have. She blamed the city and her hard time adapting to it, but she also blamed herself, saying that she was just living "by inertia", just waiting for me to make the decisions for her. She eventually decided it would be better to move back to Romania and try to find a job there, try to become more independent. Of course, I supported the decision; I had told her a few times over the years that it might be the best thing for her, and that I’d rather be far apart if it meant she’d get better.

So the question I naturally started asking myself was: "what’s gonna happen to us?". To be honest, at this point I was leaning more towards breaking up than trying to continue the relationship long-distance. As I said in the beginning, she’s truly a great friend, a kind soul, someone I don’t wanna lose. I really wanted to make this work, and so does she. I have never had this kind of connection with anybody before. But if you’ve read everything I’ve written till now, you can see there’s just too much baggage and I just don’t know I feel the same anymore.

I have talked about this extensively with friends, most of whom know her in person and know a bit more context, and they have all told me it might be better to just split up. But I didn’t want to break up while we were still living together and she was going through one of the toughest times of her life, having to swallow her pride and move back with her parents (again, their relationship is not the best).

She’s been gone for some time now. I couldn’t bring myself to break up with her before she left, and it feels even harder to do now that she’s not her in person. When she left, we both cried a lot, and promised we’d try to stay in touch and make this work, find time for each other. It hasn’t been working so far: we only text a few times a day, and I barely feel like I’m in a relationship anymore. It is also the first time for me living completely by myself: no parents, no roommates, no partner. And I feel horrible for saying this, but I actually feel better now, as if a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

And now I seriously need external advice… Is it better to break up, kind of "out of nowhere" for her, while she’s not even here in person to talk to her (feels like stabbing her behind her back tbh), or wait and see if she gets better after she finds a job there and moves into a place of her own, try to give this another chance? It feels like that’s what I _should_ do, but I don’t know, I feel like "waiting for things to sort themselves out" regarding her mental health, our sex life, and our communication has been precisely the problem that’s got me here.

Anyways, if anyone actually read through all that: thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I really appreciate you.

TL;DR: Been with my girlfriend 5+ years. Living together drained me emotionally because I became more of her caregiver than partner due to her depression and dependency. Our sex life and communication collapsed, and I’ve felt burnt out for a long time. She moved back home recently, and while I care about her, I feel kind of relieved and unsure if I want to keep the relationship. I don’t know whether to break up now or wait and see if things improve for her.