My Boyfriend’s sister just made a group chat yesterday asking myself and all her friends to stay at an air bnb for her birthday next month.
She needs people to pay £110 right away. It’s a hard time for all of us, I don’t even know how I’m going to get Christmas presents for people this year. I recently had to move in to a new apartment after my landlord did a ‘no fault’ eviction so he could put the rent up. All my money has gone on higher rent, bills and the deposit.
My boyfriend told her back in the summer that if she wanted people to contribute money to her birthday she needed to plan something sooner rather than later and give everyone a chance to pay over time.
She says we’ve made a big deal of everyone’s 30th’s so far, but everyone else gave months of notice to save up and pay off the trips we took.
Am I the asshole if I say I can’t come?
NTA. December is hard because of the holidays. Your boyfriend already asked his sister to be considerate to everyone’s finances. It’s an invitation. It’s ok to turn it down.
NTA. Dropping a 110 pay now request a month before is wild, especially when she knew money is tight. Everyone else planned their 30ths like adults and gave people time.
NTA. Are you even friends with her?
It’s already a big ask for anyone who is a close friend.
Ultimately it’s an invitation, not a summon, so you can just say you can’t make it without even getting into the costs issue.
NTA
Tell her you would love to come but you can’t afford it. She can’t expect people to pay a expense like this without much notice. It’s her own fault if she can’t have the party she wants.
This. Don’t set yourself on fire to keep her warm. An invitation is not a summons.
No. It’s simple economics. You can’t afford it
NTA, but I think you guys all need to look at your spending habits. Maybe there’s a logical explanation I’m missing, but I think it’s wild that you are all saving up and paying in installments to go on each others’ birthday trips. I mean, “I did something nice for you, so you do something nice for me” is all well and good, but it seems like the end result in this case was that everyone took a bunch of trips that none of you should have spent the money on.
Personally I agree, my 30th party was free for everyone to come to.
NTA, my birthday is early December so I’ve always done something on the cheaper side, & when it’s a slightly more expensive plan I have let people know what I want to do a few months before! Because Dec/Jan tends to be hard for people, they’re broke because of Christmas – & honestly so am I!
Tbh I’d want more than a month notice if I have to spend £110 on one thing, no matter the time of year!