I 21/F have been dating my bf M/33 for almost 2 years. We’ve had A LOT of ups and downs in our relationship. A little less than a year ago he got caught on social media liking and watching half n*ked girls, it was my 2nd or 3rd time telling him it made me uncomfortable and honestly very upset. He ended up deleting all his social media platforms to not “distract himself” anymore. Him and I have each other’s passwords but don’t do the snooping around. Now with that being said, we both like to sketch/paint so we both have Pinterest. We draw different styles so I figured, let me see what ideas he has on his board…bad idea. I swiped down one time and I saw more half n*ked women, a*s photos etc. my heart kinda sunk. I tried brushing it off but then checked my Pinterest to see if maybe something like that would pop up. Nothing. So he’s definitely been deliberately clicking and looking at things like that again unfortunately. How do I confront him about this situation?
He’s already proven he doesn’t care what you think and will continue to disrespect you. Probably one of the reasons women his own age don’t want him.
You told him, he did it anyway. You caught him again, he hid it.
Do not expect this to ever change.
Consider whether this is something you’re willing to tolerate long term or not. When you’re confident in your conclusion there tell him you found it and how you feel.
You walk away because he doesn’t respect you and you shouldn’t force him to stop doing what he wants. Like why you think you have rights to tell him what he should do? Are you his mother? No. Have some self-respect and let him go.
This is what happens when you’re 19 and start dating a 30 year old.
Stop confronting him and leave him A person in their 30s who dates somebody in their teens or early 20s is doing it because somebody that young and naive is easy to manipulate and control, and doesn’t know enough to dump them over their red flag behaviour. You shouldn’t have “A LOT” of ups and downs in a healthy relationship. And if you stop him watching porn on pinterest, he will just find another platform and get better at hiding it because he knows you won’t leave over this anyway.
You’ve wasted a little less than a year with this guy because as soon as he showed you WHO he was, you should have walked. But nope! You gave him **a second chance**. To no-one’s surprise, that turned into **a third chance**. **Now he wants a 4th chance.**
Why would a 31yo man be interested in a 19yo young woman? Because she’s *so much more mature* than other 19yo’s? No! Because he’s so *immature* that 31yo women are like, ‘*Ugh, he needs to leave me alone! He’s such an immature boy wanting to be a player. No thanks*!’ **He’s interested because he KNOWS that you don’t have the experience to call him out on his bullshit and to bounce his ass when he crosses your boundaries the FIRST time.**
Dump him.
Learn the lessons. (You have boundaries for a reason; state them clearly, enforce them always, and accept no excuses if they’re broken.)
Give yourself a few months to heal from this relationship. Date *casually.* Go out with friends, groups, siblings, no serious one-on-one until you’re better at defining your boundaries, stating them clearly, and enforcing them immediately. When you can do that consistently, THEN you can date seriously and expect happy healthy relationships.
The point of dating is to figure out if you’re compatible and want to create a shared life with that person. If you’ve had “A LOT” of ups and downs over the course of “almost 2 years”, you’re not compatible. He repeatedly lies and does things you don’t like and you keep expecting him to change. He’s not going to change because you keep forgiving him/letting it go. I suggest you leave him and focus on yourself for a bit, you’ll definitely find someone more aligned with your values.
You started dating him at 19? 🙄