Alright so I, F19, have been dating my now fiancé, M21, since I was a freshman and he was a sophomore in high school. We’ve both graduated and have figured that we were right for each other and so he decided to pop the question and I said yes. My family wasn’t necessarily happy about my engagement but I honestly don’t mind their opinion too much since it’s what I want.
Afterwards we got engagement photos done and I had decided to wear one of my old prom dresses as I think that it was beautiful and I wanted to give it more use I also plan on using it for my wedding dress. Well when the photos came out my parents told me that it was absolutely wrong that I wore a prom dress for my photos and that they wouldn’t help with the wedding at all unless I chose a different dress for the wedding and redid my engagement photos. I told them that that wasn’t gonna happen because I liked it and I wasn’t going to spend or let anyone spend a lot of money on a dress I’m only going to use once. Now my parents and I are in an argument and neither of us are talking with one another. I’m staying with my fiancé now as my parents are making my life hell. AITA?
NTA. You are actually being very financially responsible for reusing a dress you love instead of using a prom dress once and a wedding drsss once. I wonder if your parents are just trying to throw up road blocks because they aren’t happy about you being engaged.
You’re NTA for loving a dress. However, can I suggest taking it to a seamstress to get altered? I get that you love the dress, but you’ll have a major three life events worth of photos with the exact same outfit. It might feel a little underwhelming to look back on later. A good seamstress can make little changes that would create a “special” feeling and amp up the bridal aesthetic. This might be changing the neckline or sleeves, adding or moving embellishments, adding a train or really anything you both can think of. It wouldn’t be super expensive and could be pretty fun. Also think about accessories like a veil or even gloves.
I like this idea because I had the same thought. I even like using prom dress for engagement photos but I feel like something needs to change for the wedding.
What about adding an overskirt and veil or bridal cape to your dress to embellish it some?
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NTA (but your family kinda is for not phrasing it like these comments).
What a lovely group of people you guys are. First, a thoughtful take that didn’t judge but gave another perspective OP being so young might not have thought of. Then taking the time to find specific examples and visual aids. You guys rock!
Why does it matter tho if OP doesn’t care? I can’t see myself caring either. Is anyone at all even concern if the groom is wearing the same suit? Has it even occur to them to wonder about it?
I don’t think I’m gonna be popular here, but NAH imo. I do genuinely believe that people should wear what they want to wear and if this post were just about the dress I’d be on your side, but I feel like there’s a large possibility the dress isn’t the real issue. The way you describe your relationship really gives off the impression that you didn’t put a lot of thought into deciding to get married, like you graduated and just figured why not? Coupled with the fact that you’re so young and don’t seem to care too much about the wedding itself, I think if I were your mom I would 100% be concerned that you’re rushing into a decision without understanding the gravity of it. And I’m not saying you haven’t thought it through or that people who don’t care about having a fancy wedding won’t take marriage seriously, I’m just saying that all together it does give a bit of that impression and I feel like your mom might be honing in on the dress because it’s something tangible she can direct her feelings at.
This is it. They aren’t happy with the engagement so they weren’t going to be happy with the photos regardless of what OP wore. It’s them fighting back against a decision they don’t agree with in any way they can.
She lived with her parents and when she fought with her parents, she moved in with her fiancé. She doesn’t know how to take care of or support herself. On top of this she’s looking for her parents to pay for her wedding but not express their opinions. This simply isn’t realistic. 19 is way too young to get married and OP sounds less mature than the average 19 year old. Not TA but clueless and immature. The guy she married will eventually treat her the same way her parents do.
I’d suggest pre marriage counselling would be a good idea. Just before marriage generally but particularly when marrying young. Can help ensure some basic emotional skills and prompt some serious conversations on long term goals and other serious topics before tying the knot.
May help assuage some of the parent’s fears if they’ve gone through that process at least.
The usual parent child power dynamics and emotional tension here means likely unproductive conversations, even if either side make valid points because when you’re emotional you’re not logical.
NTA for the dress itself looks lovely, but I don’t think it’s the core source of conflict.
You are WAY too young to be getting married. You’ve both graduated… from high school, right!?! Why don’t you both go to college, grow up a bit, get good jobs, and then think about marriage? People change so much as they grow up that you may not be compatible town the road. And you may end up a single mom with a kid or 3, no college education, and no decent job. Don’t derail your life so early.
If it’s meant to be, it can still happen 4 years down the road.
Eh….that is prom dress, not a wedding dress…IMHO. everyone has different taste. It is the dress a teen would pick, but you are a teen and that is part of the issue.
Ok, unpopular opinion here. You posted a picture, and all I see there is a 19 year old who should wait a few years to get married. I see a girl, not yet a woman, in a prom dress. I don’t see a wedding dress or a mature woman; I see a smug girl flaunting a ring and a tight, sexy dress.
It’s ok to be excited to marry this guy, and want to use your prom dress several times. But you are very young, and your parents likely are really more worried about that than the dress. Can you be engaged, and go to college, before the wedding?
I think the real issue here is the impulsive decision to get married so young.
“Fiancée” “19 years old” “prom dress drama.” Yep, checks out