**Here’s the link to the first post:** [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1l48x0o/aita\_for\_showing\_up\_to\_my\_nephews\_birthday\_party/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1l48x0o/aita_for_showing_up_to_my_nephews_birthday_party/)
Hi, thanks for all of the comments before about me failing to bring the spiderman cupcakes to my nephew’s party. I think I have an ok update to share. I was sort of spiraling when I wrote my post before and that it happens very often to me. Yes I messed up but life goes on. I have not been able to find a good job, but I have been making ends meet with cleaning houses.
Last week my family got together for Thanksgiving and I surprised my nephew by bringing him a small batch of spiderman cupcakes and he was over the moon. My brother thanked me for it so that was nice. My mom said “better late than never I guess” and she and my dad laughed together. I also baked a pie to bring but I ended up dropping it
For the first time in my life I stood up for myself against them and I told them that it was really hurtful that they can’t ever just be supportive. That post made me reflect on all the ways over the years they just haven’t taken me seriously or have ignored my small wins because I don’t get the big ones like my brother. They argued with me and then probably the best thing ever happened.
My sister in law stood up for me!!! She said that ever since she’s been part of this family she has seen the way they talk to me and about me and laugh at me behind my back and treat me like someone else’s daughter. She said they have been doing it for years. They tried to pull the “she knows it’s out of love” card on me and I told them that I don’t feel loved by them and never have and brought up that she said the only reason I was ever invited to that party was for the cupcakes. Mom tried to say that wasn’t true but my sister in law stopped her and said that’s exactly what she said. My mom and Dad were quiet for a little bit and then my Dad said he didn’t realize how sensitive I am and they’ll try to do better. I was so happy!!
Yes I thanked my sister in law so much and we have been texting a ton. I didn’t realize she liked me! I think 2026 is going to be my year and I’m excited. My biggest hope is to find a job that helps me save money so that I can get my own place by 2028! Merry holidays everyone 🙂
Good for you SIL and good for you OP.
I like your SIL a LOT. She’s smart – she sees what’s really going on, and is realizing that her inlaws will replicate this toxicity with HER children in a heartbeat, if she lets them.
Editing to add: my own observation (as someone with a few years on me) is that so so often families that have this type of toxic behaviour repeat it in future generations. So OPs parents are used to a dynamic where they have a golden child and get to berate insult and demean ‘the other one’.
Guess what’s gonna happen if a second grandchild arrives? I’d bet on history repeating itself and the 1st one getting all the praise and the 2nd one all the scolding. It’s sickening. So glad to see SIL standing up.
I really really hope she ripped a strip off her jackass of a husband too.
OP your parents sounds like fucking awful people. Stick to your SIL!!!!
You’ve got it. SIL can see what her hubby will become… and it’s very ugly…
> OP your parents sounds like fucking awful people.
I also hope she noticed what she wrote here:
>…then my Dad said he didn’t realize ***how sensitive I am*** and they’ll try to do better.
That is still kind of blaming OP and shrugging off responsibility. The problem isn’t them, its still OP.
Still. Progress I guess. Unless you’re ready to a do or die ultimatum style confrontation that comes with the possibility of cutting them off, you just can’t expect anybody to act perfectly afterwards. Like Op said; celebrate the small wins but also be aware that everything isn’t fixed yet and it could take a very long time if it happens at all.
I would totally try to get closer to SIL and appreciate the fuck out of her though.
Yeah, I saw that too
Same, that line jumped out at me. I hope OP can get some therapy in the new year to try and build some confidence and realize she deserves better treatment. I’m so glad she has her SIL, sounds like the only person in her corner 🙁
That point jumped out at me as well. Glad someone else noticed.
Seriously. OP isn’t over sensitive the parents are assholes.
And they still didn’t take responsibility by saying they are wrong! Just saying you are sensitive! Thats bull! Way to go SIL!!
Right?! That stood WAY out to me. Op, be prepared for them to backslide. And maybe some therapy to help you navigate this terrible dynamic your family has.
Excellent point. One mumbled half-hearted acknowledgement – barely – will NOT erase years and years of this type of toxic behaviour.
OP, your parents have not changed. They may in the future if they work hard at it, but please don’t expect things to magically turn around from one dinner.
I don’t envy your SIL, she’s got a war on her hands whether she knows it or not. The fact that her husband actively participated in demeaning and diminishing you is a bad bad sign.
Be strong OP!
Oh that’s part of the boundary stomping asshole family playbook.
If you ask my mother/ family I’m “sensitive”. If you ask anyone outside of my family I’m an emotionless robot.
First I am very happy about your sil stepping up for you. However your dads response that you are too sensitive was a low blow.
I would seriously consider stepping back from your parents and brother. They are toxic as hell.
Maybe you can see the little one through your sil.
Take care of yourself!
You’re not sensitive. That’s them being upset that you don’t want to be treated like crap. Please call them out on that too the next time they say it.
I’m happy for you! Glad your nephew liked the cupcakes!!!
Being hurt by “cupcakes are the only reason you were invited” is not on you being sensitive! It’s a step in the right direction, but your feelings are not the problem here!
Your father copped out of a real apology with the “sensitive” thing.
He also should drop the “try” bit. As Master Yoda says: do or do not. There is no try.
l think your SIL may have had a talk with your brother too, since he thanked you politely without adding a snide remark like your mother did.
SIL sounds like a keeper.