The title is vague so I will elaborate here, I (23 M) have been trying to seek a relationship for a bit of time and have often struggled to connect with cis women. The attraction can be mutual, but it never seems to pan out. It seems that there is this weird dynamic where women my age expect to throw anything at me but I have to throw the perfect combination in order to land.
My most recent example is I had a girl approach me and said she thought I was cute and I looked like "the son from Horton hears a who". I was somewhat insulted that she just said I looked like a skinny emo Dr Seuss character despite her calling me cute, but decided to roll with it. I chuckled and tried to start a conversation with a smile and said "You think he’s cute?". She then rolled her eyes and said "I was just trying to rizz you up" and kinda stormed off. It really felt like I was the one Insulted, tried to laugh it off, and still somehow came out the bad guy.
Other times I’ve had women at bars put my name next to a number in a notepad on their phone after we hookup, or will literally ask for my name afterwards because they forgot already. Hookups are cool, but quite honestly I’m bored of it and just want an actual relationship. Bars are the only place I ever find women my age though.
Is this an expectation and hurdle to just get over in the beginning for every relationship? Or should I just keep searching until I find someone who seems to want to have a more level interaction?
That’s just how it is my friend. In late teens and early twenties, women have all the power. They’re in their evolutionary prime. In 10-20 years, assuming you’re still as charming and attractive as you are now, the tables will have turned. Date older women, you can see the difference.
Even more so nowadays with how the apps/algorithms work. I can confirm for you young guys it definitely changes when you get older
You’re way over sensitive, she was joking, chill out.
Stop making up bullshit about power dynamics, and nobody said you were the bad guy.
This ” waaa! Females!” Bullshit will get you a fan base on reddit, but it’s not going to help you with anybody that matters.
I understood that was the intent which is why I explained I tried to laugh it off but was met with eye rolls and anger. I promise I’m not an incel lmfao, I don’t think my post was even reflective of that.
Despite me not subscribing to woman hate, i think it’s silly to pretend there aren’t a lot of double standards present in the dating world which is what my post pertains to.
If I approached a woman with a picture of a Dr Seuss character on my phone and said *You’re cute you look like this girl” I would get slapped lmfao
Jesus christ, he’d probably complain about a lack of sense of humor if it went the other way too😅
Unfortunately dating in the early twenties age range is tough regardless of gender, as people are generally still pretty immature. I’d also recommend looking for other places to meet more mature women in your age range – surely there are options other than bars? It might take some searching and trying new things. I think part of the issue is that bars attract certain personality types who are more likely to be seeking hookups, and are less serious about finding a committed relationship.
When I was in my early twenties, I was very involved in religious groups, and there’s a lot of women in their early twenties who are seeking serious dating and marriage in that subculture. Not saying you have to be religious necessarily (especially if it’s not authentic for you), but it’s worth thinking outside the box and considering where more commitment oriented women in your demographic might be gathering.
If you end up joining a group with older folks, maybe you could see if they can introduce you to their children or younger siblings?
I appreciate this insight seriously. I’ve tried looking at some groups but sometimes I worry that people will clock me as just being there to try to find a relationship. I know I’m not creepy or I don’t come off too strong it’s just hard to shake the anxiety of potentially making someone uncomfortable because alot of women complain about being hit on everywhere they go.
Admittedly this is an irrational worry and I think you’re definitely right about bars attracting certain personalities. Thanks for your wisdom and btw nice username lmao
Like she said, bars are not a good place to meet women, except a certain type. Other groups, like church groups. I was interested in metaphysics and joined groups that discussed past lives or had someone channeling a spirit. Those groups were about 80% women in them and they loved meeting guys who were interested too.
in my experience, it’s not worth spending too much time to find women in your 20s since, yes, women in their 20s have so many options they just don’t really give a fuck and will just say and do whatever to cause drama since they know they can easily find someone else.
Just stick to your boundaries. Rudeness is their own projection. Once projected in an insulting way then drop em. Some women need to be trained how to be respectful but that ain’t your job.
It’s just a numbers game, don’t sit stressing about why this women did this or that, especially if they’ve made the first move, women tend to react very badly/ aggressively if they feel like they’ve exposed that they are interested and you don’t react exactly how the imagined it would play out.
My only real advice in dating is to try to enjoy everything for what it is and not have demands or expectations. It makes things far more fun in the moment and as, with that attitude, your not trying to push it play for anything women tend to become interested.
I’d come up with some random silly character to compare her with. or invoke the lonely island and be like “last week I thought i saw you on the street, turns out it was a bag of trash.” 🤣
she wants to play and challenge. I’ve experienced this a million times.
Stop listening… Start leading…