I usually don’t do this. I internalize. But I’d rather ask strangers.
I’m having a Christmas party at my house this year with my wife and 5 year old. I’m inviting close family too though. We’ve always kept it simple. The wife’s family and mine.
I usually invite my Uncle who I got a long with for a long time. Until I heard he was talking shit about me behind my back a couple of months ago.
As a guy it should not bother me but it has. And I dont really want to see him. I haven’t confronted him either.
Anyways, do you think I should not invite him? He has always been invited is the issue
Nta. Have your gathering. Don’t post pics online.
YWBTA if you did anything based on gossip, which is notoriously unreliable and sometimes manipulative and vindictive.
You apparently have completely changed your view of your uncle based solely on some gossip you heard. You say nothing about the source of this gossip (if you even know who it is), whether it was first or second hand, or whether there is any evidence that it is true. You haven’t even given your uncle the chance to defend himself against this accusation. If you eliminate your uncle based on this, you would be a perfect fair-weather friend to him.
it’s your party, and you can invite whoever.
however, you need to inform him why you’re not inviting him. easy “I heard from so and so that you said this about me so I’m NOT comfortable seeing you on X’mas this year” text to him.
if he’s reacting badly, then.. never invite him again. if he wants to talk, hear him out.
NTA
NTA. Don’t invite him. Tell his sibling, your mother or father, why. They’ll let him know. He will either call to apologize or he’s out.
Soft YTA – you need to ask him about it. Don’t be passive-aggressive. It’s only going to make things worse
‘As a guy it shouldn’t bother me’ – this is inherently untrue.
Don’t let the patriarchy lie to you and tell you how a ‘real man’ would feel. This isn’t man/woman thing; as a human being, it hurts when other humans are mean to/about you.
You have every right not to invite someone who is speaking unkindly about you to others; if anyone asks why you didn’t invite him, tell the truth. You’ve done nothing wrong and if they make you feel as though you should just let it roll off your back, ask them why they’re putting the burden of kindness on you and not your uncle.
I’d confront him first just in case it was some miscommunication. Lay it all out. “Hey, I’ve been told you said this about me? Is that true?”. If it’s not , communicate. If it was, then go low contact.
YTA
You should grow a spine and talk to him about what you heard. Let him know your relationship with him is important to you which is why what you heard was so hurtful. Give him a chance to explain himself or apologize. You can’t take the easy way out for the rest of your life. Here’s your chance to grow up.
First. Just because You’re a man does not mean you don’t have feelings. And you have the right to feel anyway you want to.
You have the right to be respected and to.habe feelings about that.
Second if the party is at yours then you and your wife are the only ones who can decide who can be invited
Info: define “talking shit” and how you learned all of this.
NTA- But you should talk to him first. What you heard second hand may have been taken out of context. Even if it wasn’t you need to stand up for yourself and talk to him. If he doesn’t apologize then by all means uninvite him.
I don’t think you are a *hole but I think you are approaching this entirely the wrong way. Invite him as you always have. Raise the issue of his sh*t talking privately with him after Christmas and cut him off in January if you need to. Otherwise your extended family will conclude that YTA for being unkind at Christmas.
NTA What do you mean as a guy it shouldnt bother you? He talked shit. Don’t invite him and let him know why