Hi, men 30+ or 20+
I wanted a perspective on a situation.
I’m 24 years old and I got emotionally involved with a 34-year-old man. We haven’t stayed yet, we just talked, but the exchange was strong. I ended up being more intense than I intended and sent some messages that today I think were "too much", not disrespectful, just emotional.
He said he likes me, feels attraction, but is in a difficult moment after a traumatic relationship and does not want to create expectations that he may not be able to match now. He said that "later on" he wants to go out with me, but he prefers not to deceive me.
I respected, apologized for the intensity and moved away a little. He didn’t block me, he didn’t disappear, he keeps seeing my stories and maintaining a silent presence. Just don’t say anything else.
My doubts for you:
1. When a younger woman shows interest quickly, is that usually scary?
2. Do men over 30 retreat by timing even when they like it? Is it common or sorry?
3. Does keeping in touch (even if distant) usually mean that there is still interest?
4. Have you ever had something like this and then resumed when you were more stable?
I’m not looking for validation, just a better understanding of the male perspective.
Thank you.
“but is in a difficult moment after a traumatic relationship and does not want to create expectations” – he just told you the reason and you went ahead and created all these doubts? The fuck is wrong with you?
Honestly,
Honesty is always good. You like someone so let them know. You didn’t play any games and unfortunately in this generation people can and you will get hurt.
But by the sounds of it he might be going through something and it’s not related to you
So, this seemed a little bit too much. I clicked on the username and apparently it’s two years old, but they don’t have any posts yet….
Well, if you’re reading this you have just read a post. From “her”.
He could not be ready to date, he could just want to hook up with you but doesn’t want to tell you it directly. I think someone being far younger might make me not want to be in a relationship with them for various reasons.
No point in overanalyzing it. My biggest dating upgrade was to stop living in the hypothetical and just appreciating where things were and how I felt.
If it happens with this guy it happens, if it doesn’t it doesn’t.
Timing just seems to be off
I would not be scared by a younger woman showing intense interest quickly. Confused maybe, but not scared.
I think retreat is likely driven by circumstance. He’s probably telling the truth.
Keeping in touch does mean that he has some degree of interest.
I’ve never had that situation.
To be honest, someone overly emotional means “trouble” for me now (I’m 41). I prefer stable, steady people. It is not really about age, but age does have some kind of correlation.
He’ll make the next move if he wants. All this other stuff you listed is fluff. Be available but not needy
you’re still a young pup who has no experience. I will break it down for you:
1. When a younger woman shows interest quickly, is that usually scary? its never scary. Older people usually LOVE attention from younger people. The only thing you need to be careful about is sexually predatory old men who just want to be with you due to purely physical attraction rather than emotional attraction.
2. Do men over 30 retreat by timing even when they like it? Is it common or sorry? men who are truly into you would never retreat. Even if they are going through a hard time, if they are truly into you, they will come back for you.
3. Does keeping in touch (even if distant) usually mean that there is still interest? no. Men keep in touch with women for MANY reasons: using you for sex, attention, back up girl, therapist.
4. Have you ever had something like this and then resumed when you were more stable? It depends on how into you they are. If he has no interest in you, he might forget about you after he gets over his trauma. But you need to understand that people who have gone through trauma in relationships tend to carry that emotional baggage along with them into every future relationship. This means you will likely deal with his issues at some point if you end up dating him.
\[He said that “later on” he wants to go out with me, but he prefers not to deceive me.\]
This just means he may want to go on a date with you in the future once he is ready, he is not proposing you to be his gf yet. He doesn’t like you yet but sees you as a future date option. Test drive and see where it goes….
Scary but I’m always scared. I have an anxiety disorder so… and it sounds like this guy does too. Honestly I’ve forgone dating at the point cause no one has made me feel wanted. It always feel like I’m the one giving interest and effort and they gatekeep their affection until I pursue enough and… if that’s the game, I refuse to play. So the issue is not that you showing affection too early. He just has issues (and I don’t mean that in a mean way. I also got issues. WE ALL GOT ISSUES 😋)
Keep doing what you’re doing. You’re doing nothing wrong. Don’t play stupid “hard to get” games. Some guy will appreciate it. Likely even this guy. He’s communicated he has anxiety which is quite a show of vulnerability. You have to decide if you want to be patient and wait for him to warm up to you (knowing that he does like you he just needs time) or you can decide you don’t want to wait. Only you can decide which route to take
I’m 35. I would not date a 24 year old woman unless I knew her previously and had already built the foundations of a relationship through normal interactions.
I’ve been out of the dating pool for a few years now – but last time I was in, I excluded younger women. While not true for all women, I don’t feel like many in their 20s (people in general) have matured to a level I’m comfortable with. Many people in your age group are still playing far too many games for my liking.
I’m not saying people who are older don’t play games, and I’m not saying no 20 somethings are mature – but I try not to play in any pool that has piss in it. Especially not the dating pool.
there’s so many factors and timing for me isn’t one… how we click or vibe plays a part, how you present the “interest”… big difference between “man i really like you” and grabbing their crotch and proclaiming to the room that those are now yours…. sry gross exaggeration for comedic purposes.
All that aside though it was the traumatic relationship comment that got me… THAT i understand. Probably fighting some demons telling him to run away before something ELSE bad happens, before even more years are lost. A relationship and love are not the only things lost when a long term goes bad… years of your life are lost. you come out the other side into a world you don’t even recognize. You can’t even rekindle your old life, its gone, shot dead and buried in the backyard… i couldn’t date anyone, hell i couldn’t let anyone even touch me for years afterward. I wanted to, the desire was there, but i just couldn’t. I remembered how good it felt, i wanted to feel that again… but big ass mental brick wall i couldn’t get past.
Go slow, go soft. Think of an abused dog, they’re usually timid and wont even let you pet them for a long time. you just gotta kinda sit there and keep em company until they’re ready.
My impression was that he was just being open and honest with you about him not being open to a relationship right now. You may be over analyzing this.
Where do you know him from?
If you work with him the he may feel that dating you may not be worth risking his career and reputation
>When a younger woman shows interest quickly, is that usually scary?
Not so much scary but when a woman is unusually aggressive and not just looking for a fling then the thought that is may just be looking to have a baby or find someone to take care of them financially which can be a red flag.