I (27m) am avarage looking, so it could be much worse. I imagine that an "ugly" guy worries about it much more than myself.
However, I’m never the guy who stands out in a crowd. If I go to a nightclub with my friends, you best believe no woman is interested, considering that there’s countless better looking men in the same room.
I visit my local coffee shop once every week or two, and one of the guys who works there is mix of Jason Momoa and Roman Reigns. He’s got the whole package including height, muscle, lean/ripped and badass tattoos.
I see the way his coworkers (all women) and other customers act around him, and I can’t help but feel like shit whenever I see it.
Meanwhile, I’m your plain, avarage Joe. Avarage height, low muscle mass, 20% body fat, basic haircut, no tattoos etc.
Despite only sitting there and drinking my coffee, I often feel inadequate simply being in the same room.
**How do you stop comparing yourself to better looking men?**
If you walked into that coffee shop with a well-groomed, well-behaved Dachshund his co-workers and other customers would look at your dog, want to pet it, and be just charmed.
People like pretty things that are pretty, like friendly things that are friendly. It’s not a judgement of your value or your adequacy.
I think people like friendly more than pretty tbh. At least in men. I’ve seen handsome men who were depressed and unsociable have no friends and men who were unattractive but friendly have lots of friends.
Compete with yourself. Then you’ll be a better you.
This is what I try to tell myself everytime I go to the gym. Still hard not to feel worse given my starting point and overall lackluster physique
If you notebook your progress you can’t delude yourself.
I’m starting to feel bad for OP. he posts here every day looking for advice that will change his luck. Dude needs a hobby.
I stopped comparing myself to other folks—I don’t control them. I compare myself to myself from the past.
I’m way cooler than 12 year old me. Not as cool as 26 year old me, yet.
Also—it’s not healthy to make yourself feel like shit when you see someone else’s situation because you’re only getting a snapshot of their day.
You can make yourself better, too, with a gym routine and a better haircut and perhaps a wardrobe. If you don’t like going to the gym, you can do other things to build strength and muscle, such as isometric and bodyweight home exercises (weighted pullups and pushups are good). I have a friend who just hits tires with a sledge hammer and it’s actually really fun. I did archery for a while and was sending 300 arrows down the range every session. Built enough strength to pull 75 lbs and I didn’t even notice I was exercising since I was focusing on shot placement and excited to see where the next arrow would go….I intentionally carried only 10 arrows so I’d have to constantly walk downrange to get the arrows back. There’s also that thing trending online where people swing around heavy ass swords, you could probably do that as well.
That guy didn’t get that way by sitting on his ass. Maybe he has nice genes for a good face and for building muscle but he had to get his ass in the gym (likely for years) still to build his body. He also needs to work out to maintain it. It’s kind of like envying some successful person’s career and standing in life. Sure, maybe they had a good family that paid the tuition and set them up for success, but they still had to put in the work to become successful. Even someone who gets handed a company needs to learn to run it properly or else it’ll nosedive into the ground.
Even before the end goal is achieved, the drive and the motivation to improve is a great quality on its own.
The good thing here is that you can do something about it. You’re not a disfigured burn victim with an amputation.
It also helps to keep in mind that if you always look at something better, you’ll never be satisfied. There’s always someone richer, stronger, taller, and better looking.
Ever seen those girls who are always insecure about how they look because they see IG models or whatever, even though they look okay already? You’re kinda being like that. There’s always someone with bigger tits, rounder ass, less body hair, lower weight, better skin, softer voice, better makeup, etc.
I literally just don’t care. I dont know why but I never have. Im happy with me, I compete with me. My wife loves and chose me.
There are other men out there who are attractive, me being insecure doesnt change that.
Focus on what you’re good at and don’t give a fuck about what anyone else is doing. Where you’ll win is your personality, treating women well and doing what you love.
I used to do this, but you just can’t do it. It will make you go crazy. You just have to forget it, focus on you and what you enjoy. Easier said than done, I know. It’s just not worth stressing over.
I would recommend cultivating the ability to stop giving a f*ck
what are you going to do about them looking better than you? nothing.
and why would you spend money on cosmetic surgery anyway?
focus on the things that make you better than them. I know it sounds almost narcissistic but I’m just saying….
women do appreciate men who have aesthetic beauty, but in the end if you look at the research women tend to prefer other things more than just how you look.
in my experience, women focus on how you treat them, so if you treat them well, it doesn’t matter if Brad Pitt walks up to them and tries to proposition them. if you make your girl happy emotionally and mentally then it really won’t matter what they try.
I understand that women are human also, so it’s not like someone couldn’t try to seduce them. but you just focus on doing the right thing and being the right person. accept the things that you cannot change.
Stop hanging out in places that are superficially coded. You don’t really have an opportunity to show off your mind/personality in a nightclub. It’s a place to show off your looks/money/status. Unfortunately a lot of the world is this way (well at least that my experience in America).
Okay so you’re not super good looking, figure out what your strengths are and find a place where you can utilize those strengths.
Also are you guilty of only looking at the most beautiful women in any given space? The majority of people are “mid” and don’t stand out, but they find confidence in other ways like doing good things for the world
I just truly believe, in my soul, that I’m the hottest shit alive and I could get any girl I wanted if I had the opportunity to talk to her for like 30 minutes. Is it true? Of course not. But I’m pretty confident in it and it makes me more confident and desirable as a result.