This all happened a few months ago but it got brought up today so thought I’d ask.
We moved into our house about 10 years ago, at the time our neighbours had two kids, a daughter aged around 18 and a son aged around 16 so the daughter is now around 28 and still lives at home.
We’ve always got on well with the neighbours, we don’t do anything socially besides the odd party in the street, but are always friendly and civil and happy to take in parcels etc plus we’re on the WhatsApp group for the road.
So roll on to the summer, I’m now 45 and me, my wife and the kids (aged 5 and 3) are playing in the garden for the afternoon. I slipped in some cat poo so went back in the house to have a shower and get changed whilst my wife stayed playing with the kids.
After my shower, I’m in our bedroom which overlooks both back gardens and am picking out some clothes so am just wearing a towel around my waist. I go to the window to watch my wife and kids playing so am stood there for 2-3 minutes as I turn to go back to getting dressed I see that in the next garden the neighbours daughter is in the garden, sunbathing and is looking up at our window so I wave and just carry on getting dressed and rejoin my family in the garden. From her position she’ll have probably been able to see I was topless but wouldn’t have been able to see anything of me below the chest.
The next day I’m heading out for a run and the dad from next door spots me and asks me if I was perving on his daughter. I’m really surprised at this and explained what had happened but he got really upset with me saying I shouldn’t be looking at her which is when I may have said something silly as I replied with something like, ‘she’s nearly 30, even if I had been looking, which I wasn’t, what would be the issue?’
He then complains that I’m invading their privacy and ever since then the relationship has mostly broken down. They’re fine with my wife, who totally knows I wasn’t perving as she’d seen me watching her and the kids whilst I was at the window. But they mostly ignore me now.
So, AITA for waving at my neighbours grown up daughter whilst she was sunbathing?
NTA because your neighbor is a weirdo. Waving to people is normal.
If he’s this paranoid, though, avoid making comments like “what would be the problem” in the future.
NTA, you waved because she was looking at you. You’re allowed to look out your windows. As long as you weren’t gawking or staring, you’re fine.
Yta, you were half naked…it’s weird to wave at anyone in a towel. I know you didn’t mean to come off as creepy but It was. Keep your head down and try and forget about it.
YTA. Because you dont even feel bad for making a woman uncomfortable. She was sunbathing in the privacy of her backyard, looks up and there’s a nude man standing in the window (towel or not, you looked nude) waving to her. She probably thought you were doing something below the window. This is a woman you’ve known only in passing since she was a teenager. You’re the old guy next door in her mind and here you are just wearing a towel, waving to her when shes sunbathing. Of course she felt creeped out. Her age is irrelevant, she was uncomfortable enough to mention it to her dad.
Slight YTA – I think it’s weird to wave at someone who’s only an acquaintance when you’re not fully dressed- even if she couldn’t see the towel or your lower half. With your hair being wet and no shirt- its probably pretty obvious that you’re not clothed. Also, sunbathing is an activity that she might appreciate privacy in. She doesn’t actually have privacy but its polite to pretend not to notice her. She wouldn’t have mentioned it to her dad if it didn’t creep her out. The creepiness is not due to yours or her age- but because you were drawing her attention to you when you weren’t clothed and making it obvious that you saw her.
ESH. You more though. Who the eff says, she’s nearly 30 and even if I was looking it’s fine?
How is your wife okay with that statement? You are married, you looking at other women will be creepy. Even if you were not married, it is creepy. He came to you thinking you were perving and instead of saying you weren’t looking at her, you doubled down on your perviness.
Added to it, you have seen her grown up from 18 years of age. If you go to this neighbor in the future accusing him of perving your daughter, will your response work? Like can he say that she is grown up so what’s the issue?
You should have just said that you weren’t looking at all and that by pushing it he was making it awkward and creating something that wasn’t there.
He sucks because he should have just backed off after you explained. And you have been neighbors for 10 years. Clearly nothing like this happened before.
My guess is that she thought you were staring at her for the three minutes you were watching your wife and kids. So if you think about it from her perspective, she’s sunbathing the guy next-door who’s you know 20 years older stares at her for some amount of time and then waves. In that situation, I can imagine being creeped out.
I’ll be honest I’m not sure that there’s a solution because if you try to backtrack and say wait, what’s going on? I wasn’t staring at you. I was watching my wife play with my kids. She may not believe you.
NTA btw, I’m just trying to understand where the dad’s ex extreme reaction came from and it seems like it might be this
Gentle YTA for your reaction and not considering how it looks from the other side. From her point of view, an older man is standing in his bedroom naked (because that’s how you would have looked) watching her sunbathe. When it’s brought to your attention how it made her feel, instead of being apologetic, you make it worse with your snarky comment about her being nearly 30.
i think your comment back to him makes you the AH
Puritanical Americans are in the thread.
NTA.
I appreciate the awkwardness of the situation, but it goes both ways – why was she staring at you half naked in your house? It’s just silly, unless there is other creepy behaviour that this adds too, which I am assuming not.
YTA
Not for waving, but for how you reacted afterwards. You didn’t even try to imagine how it might have looked to them, and you completely dismissed his daughter’s discomfort over the situation.
NAH for the initial situation & misunderstanding
But massive YTA for that comment about it being ok to perv on a woman just because she’s an adult. That really did make you come across as creepy, because you were being creepy.
There it is.
Wouldn’t the fact that she was looking in his bedroom window be kinda creepy as well?