AITA ? I’m not sure if I’m been insulted or dismissed or what? I asked my grown kid to make room for me in their holiday plans or any plans for that matter. I was told I needed to insert myself into their plans. (Plans I’m not aware of or made aware of}. My grown child mentioned I could drop in at their in-law’s Christmas if I wanted to. (That doesn’t mean their in-laws have invited me and I’ve never felt welcome there anyway). I’m not sure what all that means and it doesn’t feel good. If I insist on seeing them would I be the asshole or should I just shut up and be with people who want to be with me?
I feel like we need a bit more information to comment. How have the holidays normally gone? Is there a tradition that seems to be one that everyone attends. Just asking someone to set aside time is kind of vague.
More info needed: How often do you leave the planning to him? Why don’t you make plans and invite him? Did you ask him what his plans are?
Question: why wouldn’t your grown kid not want to see you? What would your kid said if asked that question?
INFO: what transpired for you two to be on not the best of terms?
Yeah. I’m sensing missing missing reasons as well as major manipulation in how the post is worded
YTA: Saying *”my child doesn’t want to see me”* is such a deeply manipulative way of saying *”my son wants me to fit into his family’s plans”.*
*”If I insist on seeing them would I be the asshole”* \- that depends on whether you are demanding they come see you, or whether you are providing options for when you could visit them.
As the other comments are saying, we need a lot more context! My questions are:
1) Do you, or them, make any effort to see each other throughout the year?
2) Do you usually see them during holidays?
3) What has been the dynamic with your kid’s spouse and their family?
Based on the information we have, I don’t think we can make an accurate determination. Maybe your kid’s spouse has been horrible to you and makes you work hard for attention, or maybe you said something super offensive to them over Thanksgiving. More info, please!
Info: What makes you believe you get to insist that your adult child and their family do anything?
There is so much context missing but I’m already leaning YTA on vibes alone.
YTA.
Insist on seeing them? They already told you how you can go about engaging with them on the holiday. You not liking it is not the same as the option not existing.
And to be frank, they dont owe you their time, they have no obligation to see you, you can either be grateful that you have the chance to see them, or stay mad, bitter, and alone. Those are your only two options.
More INFO needed. If you are just asking now, it’s late and they would have plans.
You need to provide more information here because at the moment it seems like missing missing reasons.
Well, it sounds like the in-laws have made plans and invites them to join. My guess is that they have a traditional day they celebrate.
Why haven’t you made plans? Why haven’t you asked when they’re available or given a few options of days to celebrate?
In other words, why is it solely up to them to fit you in?
So, yeah, YTA for how you’ve gone about this whole thing.
Not enough information to know what’s really going on, but the tone of this post is dripping with resentment and paints a more vivid picture than the actual story.
YTA only because I think you left some info out hoping to get sympathy automatically.