I (20F) have been best friends with “A” for about 3 years. I’m at her house way more than she’s ever at mine because her parents are very strict and don’t really let her go out or sleep over elsewhere. I’ve slept over at her place countless times, and her parents know me in that sense, but we don’t talk much.
They’re not very fluent in English, and I’m socially awkward, so I always try to say hello, thank them, and try to be respectful but I never know what to talk about with them and I don’t want to overstep.
On top of that, they’ll often have full conversations in their own language right in front of me, without including me or even giving me an idea of what they’re talking about. I usually just sit there quietly because I don’t want to interrupt or make things awkward.
Recently, I stayed over and her mom made dinner. I thanked her, ate, and then stayed sitting at the table because A was still eating. Her mom asked if I was done, I said yes, and she took my plate, everything seemed normal.
When I left the next day, I said bye, but they were watching TV and didn’t say much back.
Later, A told me her parents lectured her about me saying I have bad manners, I’m “not thankful,” and that I “should’ve been cleaning up more.” They think I don’t try hard enough to talk to them, even though they barely speak English and talk to each other in their language while I sit there. A said they didn’t want her to tell me at all, which makes it feel even worse but she chose to tell me anyways because im her best friend
This isn’t the first time they’ve judged me. A has told me before that her parents think I’m “greedy” because I don’t always buy her a gift when she buys me something… even though I just spent $30 on something for her that she really wanted, because she had no money. And on top of that, I constantly pay for food, snacks, transportation , etc. without ever expecting her to pay me back.
On top of all this, her parents judge me a lot for personal things that honestly aren’t their business. They make comments about the way I dress behind my back, the choices I make in my own life, and even situations I’ve had with guys which are things I only told my best friend because I trusted her. She ends up telling her parents, and then they make harsh assumptions about me, calling me “easy” or “submissive,” and a slut etc. which is extremely disrespectful and makes me feel judged and uncomfortable in their home.
I always make sure I’m 100% welcome before going over, and I already feel guilty just being there so often. Hearing they’ve been talking about me like this honestly hurts. Even more so that my friend seems to be agreeing and siding with them.
Now I don’t even want to go to her house anymore because it feels like no matter what I do, her parents judge me and assume the worst. Im very uncomfortable
NTA. Your friend needs to meet you half way. She needs to stop sharing your life with her judgy parents. I’d stop going over there & only meet your friend out at places. Also, make a plan to make some new friends. You can have more than one & they do not have to be friends with each other.
As they say in the other threads, you have a best friend problem. Time for you to distance yourself from A but before you do have a talk with her.
1. She should not be sharing things you say to her in confidence with her parents. She’s the reason they’re judging you, because she is sharing confidential information about you and your dating life with her parents when you intended it for her information only.
2. How thankful do they expect you to be? Are they acknowledging when you say thank you for dinner and other things? Did A remind them of those gestures? Do her parents know about all the times you paid for things for her?
I know you think she’s your best friend but it doesn’t sound like she’s being a best friend to you.
Start finding other friends to hang out with so you won’t be spending so much time at A’s. It sounds like much of your social life revolves around A and her parents place. Even though you check before going over it seems they don’t truly welcome your presence that much anymore despite what they say. Don’t go where you’re not wanted.
NTA, I don’t think this person is really your friend if she’s not defending you to her parents. Also she shouldn’t be telling her parents about personal things you’ve told her if she knows they’re judging you. It makes me think she’s most likely talking shit about you with them.
Its also extremely rude for them to be talking in their language without even attempting to include you. She could translate and include you in the conversation a little bit.
Also, why are they expecting you to buy her presents for no reason, unless she’s been saying something to them about it. I think its time to make new friends
NTA . Your friend is not really your friend. Who does that. Telling her parents stuff that’s personal to you. And you told her about your personal stuff in thinking that she is your best friend. Withe friend like that. Who needs enemies . It’s hurtful. Just block her.
Your best friend is a gossip. She’s talking to them about you and to you about them. It’s only going to cause friction between you and her parents for nothing. She’s being very foolish to cause this sort of trouble.
NTA
NTA 🙁 Though I think it’s polite to help clean up if you’re invited for dinner, it sounds like these people treat you as if you’re invisible. A language barrier isn’t an excuse to be rude. It’s pretty shady that your friend reports your personal business back to her parents – I wouldn’t share secrets with this person anymore. You don’t need to subject yourself to disrespect in the name of “friendship” ❤️🩹
Your friend is 100% shit talking you with them behind you back. NTA and also not your friend.
Your friend sucks. I think you need some space from her.
Your friend not only tells her parents things you tell her, she also tells you what they say about you. How is that a friend to tell you things that will hurt? Better to remove yourself from this situation, but I would also ask her why she nlabs to her parents and then tells you things they sat that are hurtful. She is not being a good friend.