AITA for feeling humiliated and upset with my BIL?

I (30M) live in a part of Asia. My younger sister (25F) is married to an American guy (32M) and lives in the US.

For context, I work freelance doing food delivery. Its really hard to find a full time job in my country right now, especially since companies here prefer people under 30. I’ve been applying for months but getting rejected. And my BIL (brother-in-law’s) knows this.

Since we rent our house here for years, he helps out with the bills, although we never asked. He sends about less than 60 bucks. Its not a much for an American, but it helps us a lot and I’ve always been grateful.

The issue started about 4 weeks ago. He asked me to check some damages in our rental house and write down the details. I admit, I messed up here. I was passive and procrastinated, so I didnt do it immediately.

Yesterday we had a video call, and he just went off on me. He said "I feel like you dont respect me." He kept asking why I haven’t done it, why I haven’t told my sister, etc. His tone was really harsh. I do apologized, but he didnt stop.

He started lecturing me about my life. Like a dad scolding his son. Asking why I haven’t found a "real job" yet, calling me lazy. When I tried to explain that the job market is tough here, he said I was "playing the victim."

I was so shocked I just stayed silent. My sister just sat there and said nothing.

I’m a non-confrontational person, so I just took it. But honestly, I feel like trash. It feels like because he helps us with 60 bucks, he owns me and my family. He thinks I’m just mooching off him, even though I never asked for money.

Is this just American culture? To be this blunt and hurtful? Or is he just being an asshole? Or am I or my family the asshole?

TL;DR: my BIL helps with rent for years. Exploded on me for not doing a task he asked, called me lazy and playing victim because I can’t find a corporate job to help paying basic bills. I feel humiliated by his way of talking.

One thought on “AITA for feeling humiliated and upset with my BIL?”
  1. NTA

    Although Americans are more blunt than their Asian counterparts, your BIL is an asshole. Name-calling and humiliating you is rude and his ignorance is no excuse.

    60 dollars a month does not give him a licence to treat you that way.

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