hi all; i have been with my partner for almost two years now. we currently live together and have been for the past six months, and things have been pretty good in terms of communication, allocating time for each other amidst our busy schedules, etc.
for context, i’ve been pretty aware of my partner’s avoidant tendencies for the duration of our relationship, so this is nothing new to me. recently, i feel that he’s undergone an emotional shift? last week he went from his normal affectionate, silly self to being super withdrawn, spending a lot more time alone in his room, not initiating any affection, and limiting our interactions. i’ve asked him if something was wrong and he’s told me no, but he’s done this in the past where he’s just lied about it (since he didn’t feel ready to talk about it yet). it’s now been over a week of me being the one to initiate any physical affection or saying “i love you,” me asking to sleep over in his room or cuddle but him having a reason for us not to, and him just seeming very neutral towards me but excited to talk to other friends.
just wondering if anyone has any insight on how to go about this? i struggle a lot with advocating for myself, so i’m also curious about any insight on how to say that i would like for him to try and reassure me, show affection, etc. since he can tell i’ve been pretty down about this. how do i respect his need for space while also preventing myself from going to the worst possibility? i’m very anxious so i’m trying my best to allow for myself to feel these things without sabotaging myself/pushing it onto him. thanks in advance 🙂
there’s so much bullshit tiktok therapy-speak on this sub lol
your boyfriend isn’t being avoidant due to a stressful situation, he’s being an asshole to you. you aren’t catastrophizing, you’re reacting normally to your literal boyfriend refusing to sleep in the same bed as you for what you can intuitively tell is a made up reason while he hides the truth from you.
tell him he either starts working to unfuck his mental health to a reasonable point today, or he can start looking for a new room to sleep alone in, that’s not under your roof. there’s a difference between being patient with mental health struggles and just wasting your life with someone who is being self-destructive, which is what he’s being. you can’t save self-destruction by fucking it.
why do yall even have separate rooms, wtf?
how much work did this man put in on your mind to convince you that this is all healthy?