I (f/23) was with my ex (m/24) for 6 years, our first everything.
We moved in together renting for around 18 months. He already had a full time job, and I was looking for one, so he paid for the rent and bills. I did a lot of cooking and housework, but then I found a job so started doing less of this. He didn’t really contribute to either of these things.
He did work a lot of hours and had a respectable job.
He wouldn’t do much housework, I asked him once or twice but there wasn’t much improvement. Things got boring and complacent after some time, and he didn’t really give me much attention or buy me any gifts. He would just work his shifts, and then if he suggested we go out somewhere I would have to pay half. It felt like I was taking myself out.
I started speaking to a good friend of mine (m/21) online for around a year, and more intensely in the last few months. I started to get feelings for him and I did tell him about the problems within our relationship. He was kind, and bought me gifts, sending them to our house. I told my ex that this was normal and my friend knew we were together for 6 years and he had no bad intentions. I don’t think this was a lie as I wasn’t sure about my feelings here.
For a while my ex asked me to do stuff like watch movies, go for a walk or play xbox with him, but my attention was really on my friend.
My ex asked me what was wrong around 2 weeks before we broke up, and I said about the housework and dates. I said I wasn’t sure if I still loved him or wanted to be with him, but he begged me to try and make things work. During this he did try a lot more, and spent money on me, but it was too late as my feelings were gone.
He said that I rarely initiated sex, complimented him or said I loved him. He also said I never cuddled him, and it was always the other way round. I will admit I could have been more affectionate in the relationship, but if this was an issue he should have communicated this? When he complimented me it would usually be “you look nice” rather than hot or beautiful. He would often initiate sex through cuddling, so everytime he wanted to cuddle I thought that’s all he wanted.
We then broke up. I didn’t want to tell him I was leaving him for someone else, as this was someone who I previously told him was just a friend and not to worry. He did find out after I went and stayed with him at a hotel a few days after we broke up. He was heartbroken and was really mean. He’s now my boyfriend after around 5 days.
With my ex, when we went on dates, we would pay 50/50 and he didn’t really buy me gifts unless it was a special occasion even though he earned more. He would also keep track of money that I owed him, like rent and bills, and small purchases of things that I asked him for even if only £5/£10. I didn’t feel as though I should have to tell him about these things as surely this is something he should just know? He should know how to treat me.
We were around a few weeks from a mortgage completion which did cost us both quite a bit of money to pull out of. The thought of being with him permanently made me realise I didn’t want that.
He did offer to pay all of the bills in the new house, and I just pay my half of the mortgage
I only raised these issues after we broke up and never gave him a chance to fix them. I’m not sure that these issues should have to be said? Surely he should know how to love me.
I refused to pay for the rent and bills that I owed (£1500) as I did a lot of the housework and wasn’t even working for the first few months. I’d say I was more helping him out with payments as he was the only tenant on the contract.
I’m now with my new boyfriend. He doesn’t have a job yet and lives with his mum, but he is still more caring. The sex is really good and he treats me well. I know my ex had only ever slept with me but that’s not exactly my problem if I find this sex better?
I know my ex is broken. He was loyal to me but I don’t think he was a good boyfriend overall and it was a boring relationship
My new bf drove 3 hours to see me and took me shopping. I’m looking to buy my own house and he might move in. I love him very much but have been accused of cheating on my ex. I need advice on how to move on
So you just feel like telling everyone about all your shitty behavior and choices? Is this rage bait..
No?
Well you did cheat and you seem very happy yet want advice on how to “move on” even though you seem pretty over it and unashamed about anything you did
You posted this story yesterday and I asked this, but looks like the post was removed before you had a chance to answer.
>I have been accused of cheating on my ex.
This is the first thing you have to get to the bottom of. Because to me, it does sound like what you’ve described is an emotional affair. Do you think that’s an unfair characterization?
“i wasn’t sure how i was feeling” and “i developed feelings for him” is literally textbook emotional cheating
but it’s not like she stabbed her ex. she just came here for validation and anyone with a brain isn’t gonna humor her story where she clearly wasn’t good to her ex because he “didn’t take her out on dates he paid for”. they broke up, life goes on. she just wants a good job for being a toxic partner.
So you openly admit in this post to emotionally cheating on your ex (fact), fucking up his finances unintentionally by being wishy washy right up until the mortgage completion went through, gloat about how your new loser bf is better in bed, and want advice from how to move on from feeling bad about what you did to your ex?
Don’t feel bad, you did the best thing possible by breaking up with him lol. You could’ve done better by breaking up with him way earlier but eh, who’s perfect amirite. He’s lucky to not have you in his life anymore.
In the meantime try not to repeat the same thing with the current guy once you inevitably find something wrong with him.