Interaction with a new, young coworker went weirdly awkward. AITA here? Or is my coworker?
Situation:
I was was making small talk with two coworkers who needed to go to a job offsite this afternoon, which is kind of rare for us and asked, "How are you getting there?" I didn’t really get a clear answer. Something mumbled about driving and whose car should they take. I said, "I guess you’re not taking the number XX bus, then?" Cue brief back and forth with one coworker about this bus and me mentioning that it leaves from right outside our work and goes pretty much door to door for where they’re going. I went on to add that it’s a bit slow though and can be pretty busy, so maybe not the best idea in this case. About a minute later, my other coworker asks me, "Hey, can I ask you a question?" Immediately this sounds a bit awkward, quickly followed by, "and I don’t mean to offend you" which now sounds even more awkward. The question was, "Why do you give advice and then go on to say that it’s not a good idea?" I left a pause of a few seconds and just answered, "I have no idea." To which she nervously laughed and it all sort of petered out after she tried to explain what she meant some more.
So, AITA? On reflection, I realize me mentioning this bus could’ve been interpreted by her as, "You should take this bus!" Still, to me at least, it feels like an odd thing to take offense with.
It also just seems off that you’d talk to a coworker like this any time, let alone when you’re a new, graduate hire who’s about a month into the job.
I don’t particularly care about what they think of me, but I do care about working with this person going forward and if there are going to problems and whether or not I need to apply a figurative question mark to this person now.
Who’s the A-hole here?
YTA. It sounds like you’re second guessing them just to proven right. They say they’re going to drive so you say “Why didn’t you take this bus?” but then go on to say they shouldn’t take it. So they were right in the first place!
NTA – you were offering information on an option. Your coworker made it awkward
I’m struggling here. This whole interaction feels like it only makes sense if awkwardness is a big deal
It sounds like you suggested something that seemed like a great solution and then realized maybe it wasn’t actually such a good idea. People do that a lot. Why this person should challenge you about this is odd but your answer of “I don’t know” is kind of funny.
Personally, imo you are over-thinking this encounter.
No one is an AH.
hard to tell since the whole situation reads so weird
NAH – Is the coworker who asked you the question usually blunt? It seems like she had no ill intentions and was curious about a conversational habit that you have.
YTA. They’re right. They were gonna drive. You give advice they didn’t ask for about taking the bus instead. Talk it up that it’s right outside and goes where they’re going. Then do a complete turnaround and say yeah actually it’s slow and busy better just drive. Which is what they were gonna do in the first place. Your unwanted opinion didn’t help.
NTA. She sounds difficult.
> “I guess you’re not taking the number XX bus, then?” Cue me mentioning that it leaves from right outside our work and goes pretty much door to door for where they’re going.
> could’ve been interpreted by her as, “You should take this bus!”
If you said that to me, I’d *definitely* think you were recommending that I take the bus, or questioning why I am *NOT* taking the bus. It’s a bit confusing. Like you asked and answered your own question and “talk them out of it”. Like “Why don’t you take the chocolate donut?” It’s really dry and you have an allergy to chocolate”
Soft YTA, you just sound a bit socially inept I suppose. I think your coworker did you a favor by giving you something to think about in regards to how you interact with people, especially in the work place. You jumped in on a conversation that had nothing to do with you, asked a question that wasn’t really any of your concern, then proceeded to give BAD unsolicited advice. Now imagine doing something like that with your boss. That could make you look really incompetent as an employee. You coworker basically just told “think before you speak next time.” You could take it as harsh and be offended or use the insight to do better.
YTA
Why mention the bus?
I agree with the top comment that suggests you are overthinking this. Your coworker is, too.
If you were all just talking and you shared the info you have about the bus in case they found it useful, then the coworker needn’t have made an issue of you sharing the info, even if you ended up doubting how helpful it was.
However, you seem to also be very quick to question her motives. “Can I ask you a question?” Is not automatically a particularly ominous question.
It seems like both of you are quick to question others and slow to give grace or the benefit of the doubt.
But I give you props for your simply honest reply of, “I have no idea.” I was already giving you and your coworker the benefit of the doubt, but THAT is why don’t think you are an AH.
If you are still concerned, just keep an eye on how receptive folks are to your comments/ contributions to a conversation. Or ask someone you trust and feel will be honest with you.
Why do you ask this question then end it with you not caring anyways?
She has a point.