Ok so to give a bit of history. We’ve been best friends for almost 8 years now, and we act as each other’s confidants. We basically know everything about the other.
Slight hiccup? I’ve been madly in love with her almost all this time. It officially became known about 1.5 yrs ago now.
We’ve been doing some "casual" stuff like some kissing, groping etc and essentially being in an emotional relationship if you can call it that
She said outright she doesn’t love me like I love her. And I’m aware of a person she happens to have feelings for but cannot date (she does not want to due to reasons I cannot delve into here
We had a discussion once, and she essentially said I’m her mind’s choice, not necessarily her heart. She says she sees me more and more as being what she needs. I asked her outright if I should give up, and she said there’s always hope, and she also said she adores how I view her, treat her, and speak to her. And she keeps saying she’s lucky to have me etc
But lately, she’s said she doesn’t want a committed relationship, and wants to explore a bit. She’s recently told me she had sexual experiences with someone (no penetration) and she was stressed and crying. I comforted her but I was crushed a bit inside.
I’m just confused. What do I do? Should I wait and hope? Or should I not? And how can I move on if need be? I tried once but it did not work out
I just need advice, please. I don’t know what to do
I cannot not have her in my life, she’s one of few actual meaningful connections
>female best friend
# 🙂👍
Lmfao bro shes using you. Stop hanging out with her and touching her. Stop giving her attention. Start going out with other women.
THIS! If she sees you with another female she may realize you are the one. Only jealousy will tell.
Even then I’d just ditch her. It does not seem honest that way, and I’d never be able to trust she’s not going to leave for someone else.
For OP’s sake I’d recommend a slow fade, stay friendly but stop being the BFF, be busy , stop being available 24/7, stop chatting daily, ideally actively date other women.
This. Just try to cut her off completely.
The icing on the cake is that after you do this, she may realize your value in a few months and declare she now has feelings for you. Thanks when you can tell her to fuck off.
You are both gluttons for punishment. You both put yourselves in this mess and you only get out of it if you give it a try or 100% leave each other alone. She already told you what she feels but also breadcrumbed you. That is not ok. But you also stuck around which is also not ok. Shit or get off the pot. That’s it.
What do you do? Do you really not know or are you trying to get folk to tell you what you want to hear?
>But lately, she’s said she doesn’t want a committed relationship, and wants to explore a bit. She’s recently told me she had sexual experiences with someone (no penetration) and she was stressed and crying. I comforted her but I was crushed a bit inside.
Moving on would require you to probably go no contact and block, or at least, mitigate your viewing of her socials.
>she essentially said I’m her mind’s choice, not necessarily her heart
So, you’re stable and kind, but she’s not attracted to you like that. Someone, please!
If you like the idea of her essentially saying she’d only be with you as a last resort, keep waiting and hoping the however many men she gets with let her down. Then the magical day will come and you’ll hear the magic words of “…fine. I guess. I’ll (long sigh) get with you or whatever” and a forced smile and the hug of an acquaintance.
I hate to say this bro, but she doesn’t WANT you. She told you the easiest way possible to not “hurt your feelings”. But she’s using you emotionally.. id distance yourself from here so you can get your feelings straight. I promise you this road isn’t going to lead you to where you want to be of you continue it.
Move on bud. She’ll be out of your life as soon as she finds someone she really wants. Step away on your own terms, it’ll hurt a lot less in the long run.
Obviously you should move on. I get it, it’s hard.
Try to imagine her seeing someone else, kissing someone else, being in love with someone else, fucking someone else, being happy with someone else. That is going to happen.
Thing is – you both are clinging to each other due to various reasons, and it does look unhealthy (especially for you).
You should absolutely give up on a romantic relationship with her. It is ridiculous to wait years for someone to maybe show interest in you. The funny thing is, the second you tell her you’re moving on, she will likely be all over you. Do not fall for it. You deserve better than this wishy-washy indecisiveness.
If you cannot be friends with her without controlling your romantic feelings, then you shouldn’t be friends either.
Other comments are saying that you can’t be friends with women, which is ridiculous. Are bisexuals not allowed to have any friends? You just can’t be friends with someone you’re in love with.
Oof. Sounds like she’s keeping you on the line. Sorry about that.
You’re literally her safety blanket.
Do you want to be with someone who’s not choosing you?
I would take a LOT of space from her (no seeing/talking/messaging) for several months and try to move on.
reading this the only thing i could think is she’s extremely insecure and leading you on makes her feel desirable. She’s using you to prop up her fragile ego instead of closing that door and sleeping around like she expressed she wants to.