I need to know how to approach this and if I am being unreasonable…
I have recently left my partner, I moved out as we just could not live together amicably. Since we have separated we have been getting on great, mainly for the sake of co-parenting our 6 month old son.
We were supposed to be going on holiday abroad next week (which I have paid for) and we are contemplating still going as friends, as it’s our little lads first holiday.
His friend and his mrs will be there at the same time too, I am worried that now he is technically single I am going to get left behind to stay in with the baby whilst they all go out partying. It would hurt me if he was to potentially go out on the pull and not spend the time with our son as intended.
I still love and have feelings for him, but I know the relationship can’t work for multiple in depth reasons, i just don’t want us to fall out or any more precious memories with our son to be spoilt.
Is this a really bad idea? And if it’s not, how do I approach this conversation with him beforehand to set some boundaries? Preferably without coming across like a pre-judging, controlling, boring cow 😂
Thanks in advance
It’s only a bad idea if you’re no longer having sex.
Going on holiday with ex as friends: bad idea.
Going on holiday with ex as co-parents of a six-month old who will also be going on the trip: good idea.
Because you have a kid together, and this vacation is for the kid’s sake, this is a good idea. This is the only reason this is a good idea.
Agree wholeheartedly. Just because the two people can’t live together doesn’t mean their child should pay the price of losing a parent on special occasions. They are sending a strong, positive message to their child even if the situation is uncomfortable.. In the long run, if they can stay on good terms, even while they pursue different lives, their child will benefit. I wish more people understood this.
LOL. Guaranteed OP will be “babysitting” the entire while the other 3 adults are out every night.
Have you talked with him about your concerns? Can you cancel the trip for a refund if he indictates your concerns are valid and possibly more true than not?
No, I want to bring it up with him I just don’t know how to word it. I’m scared to rock the boat so to speak
It’s not going to be the first time that the boat rocks or capsizes. Y’all have a 6 month old so there are going to be events between now and 18, and beyond. In total this is minor to other potential things, so look at this as an easy first step.
“Hi name. Looking of toward to our upcoming trip. Have a few concerns and wanted to get your take. “
List your concerns and hopefully he will be supportive and dissuade them. If not, you have your answer. Communication fixes a lot of issues and can clear away th fog of uncertainty.
It’s like having a platonic relationship with Pamela Anderson, when she was hot; nice, but missing the point.
I’d go, but I’d also set boundaries. We’re there as friends so no hanky panky (unless you want it obviously)… and out of respect for you and the baby, I’d say you lot shouldnt be “partying.” At the end of the day, it’s about your little lad.
Just putting this out there in case you need it. I had exes try to have sex with me after we broke up. I always respond with “I respect you and I more than to do that.” Break up sex is always a bad idea in my opinion.
Yes, it is a very bad idea
What’s the alternative? He goes on the trip alone and leaves kiddo with you?
I did this with my ex wife, we separated but had an upcoming holiday that was fully paid for. We both didn’t want the kids to miss out on their holiday due to our separation so we decided to go, ended up having a really good time and wasn’t as weird as we thought it would be and actually ended up being the start of us moving from husband and wife to genuine best friends. This was over five years ago and we are still friends and even have a trip planned for just the two of us next year.
Will it work for everyone – definitely not and if there was no child involved I probably wouldn’t recommend it but there is a child involved and if you guys can remain friendly it’ll do wonders for co-parenting and the two of you later down the line.
I went on vacation for a week with my ex. I didn’t want to, but she gave me the ultimatum that if she didn’t come, my daughter(9) couldn’t go. A trip for two ended up being for 4, since I was now bringing mom and and 2nd daughter(who I love and wanted to come with but she’s not my bio kid). All on my dime since I already had the trip planned and paid for.
Things were ok on the drive down(22hrs) because I had my buddy with me and I was dropping him off at his sister’s house on our way to the beach. She took the mask off as soon as we left him. I tried to make the trip as pleasant and memorable as possible for the kids. My ex was more concerned about taking selfies than helping watch them while swimming. I am a very patient man outside of the kitchen, but I was getting irritated that she wasn’t seeing it as an opportunity to at least pretend to be a family.
Unfortunately we went on vacation during a heatwave and the a/c in my van went out a couple days before we had to drive back home. She whittled away at my patience, making big scenes in public, and I swear if the kids weren’t with us, I WOULD’VE LEFT HER AT A GAS STATION AND DROVE AWAY WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT.
I try to focus on the good times from that vacation, but she absolutely ruined it for me. The kids had a blast until the miserable drive back home lol.
But you guys sound more stable, so maybe just communicate with him effectively about your concerns and make plans for family time.
Good luck.
I’m more impressed you’re excited to take a 6 month old on a long plan ride and trip overseas 😬. Had to do that multiple times to visit family and haaaaated every minute.
That being said I absolutely would not. Maybe you can each get flight credit. Reading between the lines your emotions are still messy and this won’t help.