I (19M, virgin) have never really had the healthiest relationship with the idea of sexuality. There’s a lot of possible reasons for this, but to make a long story short, growing up I was a bit too good at getting around parental controls on devices and ended up being exposed to a lot of content I was too young to understand.
Combine that with puberty, as well as the general oversexualisation of media and it’s safe to say my mindset is pretty warped. I feel like a failure for not having any experience, yet also feel like a monster for having sexual thoughts at all. And on top of that, I’ve developed some pretty excessive masturbation habits as well. All in all, my mind just kind of feels like a mess.
What’s especially frustrating is that outside of all of this my life has been going pretty good. I have a loving supportive family and wonderful friends of all genders. I’ve recently uploaded a few stories I’ve written online people really like them. In fact, just earlier this year I was able to conquer one of my biggest fears and got on a plane by myself to go and live and work abroad for a couple months. But still these feelings of confusion and loneliness and inadequacy seem to follow me wherever I go.
Maybe it’s a bit cowardly of me to just give up, but at this point I’m just tired of having to fight these uglier parts of me. If giving up on sex/romance is the price I have to pay to not feel so miserable all the time, then so be it.
Those are just my immediate thoughts though, would love to hear other’s opinions on it.
Go to a therapist first and foremost. Talk to them about your concerns. At worst case your local university should have a department if cost is an issue.
Edit: anyone downvoting my advice probably doesn’t wash their hands after using the bathroom.
You are 19, life has barely started for you.
1,000% this. OP has no clue what could be around the corner. I almost gave up on finding someone and got married at almost 40 to an amazing woman. We never know what life has in store for us.
You should consider therapy.
You can also try to Change your mindset, be a little more Sex positive perhaps. There is no logical reason for it to be viewed upon negatively as long as its consensual.
In a documentation about pedophiles they stated that the chemical castration did not stop the thought patterns just made them unable to get hard. So your plan could fail anyways.
Cmon bro, you cant be serious about chemical castration
I don’t know what to tell you to do. I WILL tell you that your mindset is NOT warped. Nature puts sexual thoughts into the minds of deer in the spring, right? That is Mother Nature wanting them to propagate the species. Human beings have a mating “season” as well, although it is betwen the ages of about 13 to 38. All those thoughts you are having, and all the sexual impulses you are having, are the MOST NATURAL things in the world. They are Mother Nature trying to get you to propagate the species.
ALSO, the human sex drive and being preoccupied with, and confused by, sex, is not something new with the internet just these past few decades. EVERYTHING you are going through is what young men have been dealing with since about the dawn of life on this planet.
There is nothing ugly about those parts of you. You are normal.
Thank you very much for this, it really did make me feel a bit better.
I guess one of the reasons they feel ugly to me is because they being out emotions like jealously and insecurity. I hate feeling like that, because it feels like I’m blaming other people for my own issues. I don’t want to end up resentful, like those hateful incels you always see online.
I am sure you will not end up like that 🙂
Again, all those emotions are something that all young men go through. I did, my dad did, my granddad did.
Don’t harm yourself in any way. Also, know that Mother Nature will start to crank back on your sex drive when you hit your very late thirties. I am late middle-aged. When I was your age I had to get off about three times a day. Now I only feel “the need” about once a week 🙂
Isn’t that cutting off your ear to spite your face? You’re 19! Don’t ask me how old I was when I lost my virginity… and I’m doing great today at 42.
Did you grow up with a father?
Believe it or not, I did.
Your mind is already harmed and now you are seeking to harm your body, too. That’s not normal. Seek help, professional help from mental health practitioners.