I talked with AI about my past relations with women (I have autism, so it helped me, besides some friends of mine to whose I talked to also), both friendly and romantic and I found out that I am needy and I’m not confident around women I don’t like. For example, when I like a woman and I have a chance to meet her I think about what to say, how to be confident, how to do or feel this or that and it ruins my chances with her because she can notice that something’s off with me. Meanwhile, it turns out two women I didn’t like in the past liked me. So, I don’t think something’s wrong with my appearance or self (I mean, I was and am fat, I was depressed and when I stopped being depressed I was very anxious and always I thought of myself as a bit less able socially than other), although I have some things to correct (for me, not for women, even if it will help). However, if it’s true that they liked me, it proves that when I’m completely myself (I didn’t care about these women romantically, even though they had many great qualities) I attract women.
So, how to stop being needy around women I like? Thanks in advance!
Before you meet the woman, have a small talk with a stranger! You’ll be surprised how confident you’ll sound with the woman!
You need to define your sense of self and build your own character, then the rest comes easier
Well, to be fair, I think my character is good, I mean I think I’m a good friend, I have values, I don’t do bad stuff… However, I don’t know if I have a sense of self, I’m not sure if I know exactly what this sense of self consists of, but I think I don’t have it. For example, I think I’m much much more reactive that proactive to stuff and people around me, I don’t think I am totally okay by being myself or sure who I really am. Although some friends to whose I share some common qualities with, I totally respect and love them.
That makes sense. Also make sure you’re giving yourself credit, dating has always been hard but especially more now
For me, the easiest time to meet women was in university, because I went to a university with lots of female students, but I was very needy then, so no girl (edit: that I liked) liked me. Now it’s definetely harder, all the women in my social circle are in relationships, my only chance to meet someone is in a bar or something like a language class.
You’re going to have to find a way to overcome your own limitations. A good way to do this is to develop some self confidence. Exercise is a good start. If you don’t know where to begin, start off taking some walks. 10-20 minutes, then longer as you feel more able. Going to a gym and learning how to eat well will help you lose weight, gain muscle and confidence, which women will take notice of.
Another idea is to work on your social skills more by joining groups that interest you. Into reading? Gaming? Watching movies? Whatever it is, there’s probably a group of others out there that enjoys it, too. Look for opportunities to join a group that’s near you through either Facebook, Meet-up, or even via bulletin boards near places you frequent. You might have to push yourself to get a little out of your comfort zone to speak with others, but most people are very nice, especially if you’re honest and tell them your a bit nervous meeting new people.
Good luck!
I tried in the summer to take care of my body more, for health reasons, I fall back on a bad diet and now I’m trying to lost weight again, because I’m 31 and if I keep going like that, maybe I will develop problems in 10 or 20 years.
As for the groups, I took spanish classes for 3 years, I talked with my classmates but we didn’t become close. I met a girl there, too, but I think my neediness turned her away (maybe not, but maybe it was a factor).
I think it’s important to understand the difference between acting apart and trying to filter your responses because you like someone, and just being yourself.
People who can relax and go with the flow and understand body language, and social cues will have a much easier time getting the attention they want, in situations where you’re around someone you like naturally we all do feel a little more nervous and anxious, in my opinion, you need to figure out how to operate when you’re nervous and anxious.
I think cognitive behavioral therapy or at least some of the things you learn about within it might be able to help you react better and think on your feet better
I’ll search a book on CBT, I heard about it before and it seems a good method, although I don’t want to spend money on a psychologist for various reasons (mainly due to me wanting to spend money on other matters and my bad past experiences with psychologists).
By getting laid and ranking up on oxytocin pal
Loser
Practicing and overthinking future conversations is like showing up to build a tree house in a tree you haven’t seen in person with pre-cut boards. They likely won’t fit and it’ll end up looking janky and shit.
Confidence is showing up to the tree with the knowledge, tools and skill to measure and cut those boards on the spot.
The only way you learn is by doing and getting better. 🤷🏼♂️ When you’re around women where you don’t feel invested, you don’t overthink it and you bring the skills you have to the conversation. When you build it up too much in your head first, you show up with too many planks in your pockets and you look silly when they don’t fit and fall all over the place.
Make sure what ever you rank yourself as 1-10 you are alittle above her. If she’s a 6 then you are a 7.
Don’t think about having a relationship with her. Just treat her like a normal human being. I swear woman can see when your desperate from a mile away. Just be disciplined and only talk when needed.