This is my first time posting one of these, so if I have any formatting issues or anything just let me know. Mostly posting this for my mom, since she’s the one in the most conflict about the situation.
Anyways, my brother (14m) had a Boy Scout meeting last night as a little celebration thing. Usually, I (18m) don’t go to these, but I decided to tonight because he was going to receive a patch and the meeting info said to bring snacks. My mom (46f) and I assumed everyone would bring snacks, so we got some fun ones. We brought a variety box of chips and a plate of donut holes. Also, somewhat relevant information, usually when we bring food to events like this, if it’s not finished, we’ll take it back home to finish ourselves. This was the plan with the donut holes, since it was a large plate.
SO, we pull up to the event and, because I went primarily for snacks, I noticed immediately that there was none. Later found out that someone else had technically brought drinks, but only water caprisun (which I didn’t even know was a thing. It didn’t taste good but that’s not the issue).
While the boys are doing a gift exchange, one of the moms (or maybe just a leader, since I didn’t really see who her kid was) started to leave WITH the box of chips. The boys hadn’t really gotten into them, so my mom intercepted her on the way out and was like, “um, sorry, those are ours?” The lady apologized and said she wasn’t sure who brought them, though idk why taking them was the next step other than, yknow, asking who brought them? Whatever whatever, she gave them back and that was… okay. She left, all was good, the boys did get some chips.
People started to leave because it was getting late, and one of the older boys started leaving, ALSO with the donut tray. My mom and I are thoroughly confused, because we had not been asked at all in either of these cases. So I asked, and it turns out, the kids dad hadn’t brought a gift for the exchange, so the boys (or maybe him?) decided he would have the donut plate as his gift. This was not my brother’s decision, which I think would’ve made it a bit less weird. So my mom asked the boy if he was really going to take them, and he said yes. Now, my mom did tell him it was okay to take them, so he did. In the car, she expressed frustration with people just walking off with the food we bought without asking, so I asked her why she gave away the donut holes when she wanted some and didn’t even get any, and she said that she didn’t want to seem rude since he hadn’t had a gift anyways.
She’s conflicted on if she’s right to be frustrated with the situation though, and asked if I’d make this post. I’m frustrated too, to be honest, and while I think we’re right to be, since no one even asked, I might as well get outside opinions. So, are we the assholes?
No, of course you are not. Although, I think it probably was a good idea to let the one boy have the donut plate. At least it was a kind thing under the circumstances. The mom who tried to walk off with the chips though was seriously out of line.
NTA and I wouldn’t have let that kid take the food.
NTA. Who gave away your plate? Get your plate back!
Don’t worry, it wasn’t actually our plate!! I said plate because I couldn’t think of the word tray until I finished writing lol- plastic tray with a lid
NTA. I am a BSA Leader and in all the years I have led, we always ask as the end of the night who brought what/ who wants to take what/ what do we want to save for next week. them just assuming is not the scout way.
That is actually what usually happens. The usual Scout Leader wasn’t there this time, I think he was sick. I assumed the lady was a Leader because she had a uniform, but I’m not actually sure.
I agree it’s uncouth to take someone else’s leftovers home from a party especially when they’re snacks for the kids who didn’t even get any yet. But at the same, it sounds like the kids family might be struggling and while that’s not your or your Mom’s fault it’s not really the kids fault either and I don’t know if it’s fair to single him out by taking the donuts back. Yes it’s polite to ask but common sense isn’t so common and it sounds you’re not quite sure if someone offered him the donuts or if he just decided on his own to take them. Also I like to think of it as I brought the food to share with everyone, if the food had all been consumed I wouldn’t be taking it home with me anyways so if someone really wants them that bad I guess they can have them. I’d say NTA because that one lady apparently tried taking the whole box of chips home with her and that’s just plain rude.
I did consider that maybe the kid was struggling at home. I think that’s part of what influenced my mom’s decision to give them to him anyways. And yeah, I’m not sure how the decision to let him have them came about during the exchange, so who knows. We just wanted some insight, so thank you!
NTA
That’s sad.
So much for scouts honor.
It was stealing as far as the chip
Mom.
She’s taking the chips before everyone is even gone or done.
The boy may have thought he deserved the doughnut, but if not offered to him, that’s rude. It’s one thing if you or your mom said take them home.
While I do think letting people take the leftovers home is a normal thing to do since you brought it for them. I also think it should be you: your mom
That shares it with everyone. Not one person stealing the chip
Box or one kid walking off with the donuts.
NTA-she has every right to be frustrated. She did the right thing by that child.
You’re not wrong. If there are leftovers, typically, the person who brought the items decides on what to do.
Yes, in a case like a kids function you definitely should take your left over snacks home. Were you the only ones that brought snacks? Weird the kid thought he had a right to your donuts. LOL
If it’s a party at someone’s home with a host then you should leave whatever food you brought there for people to enjoy.
NTA – in any potluck situation (where people are bringing food to share), the person who brought their dish takes home any leftovers of their dish. That’s always been my experience; sometimes, people will leave the dish with the hosts. Regardless, they should have asked your mom first if they could take home the leftovers.
Also, it’s strange that no one else brought snacks. It seems like there should have been more coordination with the group leaders and parents?
That’s stealing