I (32F) and my husband (35M) live in a big city. We recently had a baby this summer and our respective families don’t live near us. My parents lives about a 45 minutes drives on the north shore and my sister (Virginia and her husband Sean) are an hour and 45 minutes in that same direction. So basically we go at my parent’s house for Christmas and for other occasions they either comes to my appartement or they come get us with the baby and drives us to their house which is my childhood home.
Neither me or my husband have a license for driving a car and it’s never been an issue before since we live in a big city with easy access to everything by walk or public transport.
My husband’s family live a lot further. His sister (let’s call her Jeannine)is about two hours and a half drives and his Mom(MIL) is even further about 3hrs away from us. My husband lives in this city for more than a decade now…
So the plan for the holidays is on Christmas day my parents are gonna drive to my house get me my DH and LO and drives back at their house for Christmas lunch (because baby is asleep at dinner time and they want to see her and open gifts and all) Virginia & Sean will be there also and later in the afternoon my parents will drives us back with the baby and all the gifts that we have to bring back…they don’t mind offering lifts and they understand it’s easier for me that way. My mom used to travel a lot in the city for her job so she knows the street very good and since she’s been sick a lot the last 2-3 years she doesn’t drive anymore but since my dad is really bad with orientation skills she’s the co-pilot and they’re okay if they know where to go because they’re way too old and don’t use gps in any way. They usually check the road before leaving anywhere or they go somewhere familiar.
So the plan for new year would be going into my husband’s family and since they live far away we plan on staying at Jeannine’s house with her partner and 11yo son. They will host a big party on the 31st for new year so we will be staying around the 30th through the 1st maybe the 2nd of January.
I thought Jeannine would come and drives us back and forth like she did a couple months ago.
But my husband asked me if I could ask my parents for a lift from them to go see my in-laws. It would take them at least 3 hours to come to us pick us up drives there and 3 hours going back at their house meanwhile they don’t have anywhere to visit in that area or to do at my in-laws they are not invited for the party whatsoever.
My husband says that’s it’s unfair that my family lives closer to us than his and he doesn’t see any harm at asking my elderly parents for a 6 hour drive to my in-laws?
AITA for even refusing to ask my family for a lift because it’s an insane amount of time for a courtesy drives to go somewhere they don’t have to be or aren’t invited?
Also why do I have a feeling it’s not his idea?
So AITA?
That’s too much to ask either of your parents to do. You guys are adults and should be responsible for arranging your own transportation without inconveniencing everyone. YTA but not for the reason you asked.
Wouldn’t that be ESH except for OP’s parents?
I think both OP and her husband are AHs for what they ask of people and not providing their own transportation.
YTA for being adults in your 30s with a child and still dependent on public transport or bumming rides. Get your license already.
Yeah this is what rental cars are for.
I am often amazed at how many young people I know who don’t own cars but do day rentals. It is such a smarter way to go. Car ownership has so many hidden costs. And day rentals have become so much cheaper.
Still, if OP and her husband have never learned to drive, this probably isn’t feasible. It takes a lot of hours to become a competent driver.
Oh dear. You two need to get your drivers licenses.
ESH
Get a driver’s license and rent a car. Both of you.
>My husband says that it’s unfair that my family lives closer to us than his
What kind of spoiled, entitled nonsense is this? If your husband is disappointed his family lives further away, he can have a conversation with them. It’s not your family’s responsibility to fix this.
I bet this came from his mom. This was the norm until the baby arrived and xmas is with OPs family.
Honestly this post reads like OP and her husband may not be typically developed adults. There may be reasons they are unable to have drivers licenses.
What the heck? Asking elderly in-laws for a 3 hour ride (each direction) when they are not invited is embarrassing and inconsiderate. Im amazed your family helps drive you back and forth for ypur family’s gatherings and thats great but that does not mean they are obligated to drive you to your in-law’s That is absolutely not ok. I would be so embarrassed to ask them for a ride and if I really had no other alternative but to ask them, I would pay for gas, snacks and a hotel so they don’t have to go back and forth.
Also, I understand not owning a car because you live in a big city and generally don’t need one, but you should still get a driver’s license so that you can rent a car for annual trips such as these. If your SIL is not willing to pick you up and drive you back, you’ll just have to tell them you can’t go and if in-law family really wants to see bay, they can visit you instead.
It’s ridiculous that you two rely on your elderly parents for driving *at all*. ESH (you and your husband, to be clear)
YTA for expecting family to be your ride service. You’re both old enough to get a DL and maybe rent a car for the holidays. Seems pretty unreasonable for you both to expect to be picked up and dropped off every year
YTA / grown adults bumming rides off elderly parents. No you don’t ask your parents to take you somewhere they aren’t invited!! Stop asking them for rides! Get a license and rent a car! Pathetic