A couple months ago we (group of 5 girls) went on a 30th birthday trip for my best friend, Anna. I didn’t know the other three ladies very well, but we had a fantastic time! Only major hiccup was that the hotel we’d all pitched in on was awful. I’m talking mold, dangerous neighborhood, weird stains on bed. Anna was crying, everyone was upset, I offered to book a nicer hotel so we didn’t have to call the trip off. I okayed the price by everyone and even used a bunch of travel points to knock down the price. Basically everyone was going to owe me around $150. It’s been two months and everyone had refused to pay me back or talk about it. Noting that I have a nice corporate job and they’re more broke and “just can’t right now”. I decided it wasn’t worth pitching a fit over $600.
Fast forward, it was just my 30th birthday. Out of nowhere they offered to take me out to a nice dinner! I’m recently divorced so honestly the offer felt fun and really lovely of an offer and I said I’d love to. We went somewhere fancy, which shocked me given what they’d implied about finances, but they picked the spot. We had a great time, they ordered a lot of wine and fancy appetizers. I had my dinner and one glass of wine for reference. At the end I offered that I can pitch in on the check because I’m sure it’s high. They giddily said that they’ve got it because they decided a while ago to surprise me by basically using the money they owed me to take me out instead. I didn’t really know what to say, and probably said the wrong thing. I basically said “oh… so I paid for everyone for my birthday dinner?” They got frustrated saying no, it was their money, but yes technically it was the money they owed me, and what an ungrateful thing to bring up. We’re now not talking. Am I being silly for being upset that they used money they owed me like this?
NTA. Not only did you pay for your own dinner, you apparently treated them to their meals too. Your friends are way out of line.
NTA. “So you acknowledge you do in fact owe me money for the trip and have room in your budget but refuse to pay me back?”
The debt and the dinner are 2 separate pools of money.
NTA. That’s exactly what they did. I don’t blame you for calling it out on the spot. Obviously a more peaceful/peacekeeping thing to do would have been to let it go and just write these ‘friends’ off but outside of avoiding some potential discomfort that doesn’t make a huge difference here and calling this out does not make you an AH. You aren’t ungrateful; you expect to be paid the money they owe you and them deciding, without your knowledge, to pretend like paying you back is a GIFT, is super bogus.
You have all the info you need about these people.
NTA – you need a friends upgrade.
NTA but drop these people, they aren’t your friends. They’re users. They will do this again and not bat an eye because they have all decided you make more money than them. Maybe you do but that’s a them problem not yours. I grew up on poverty and I wouldn’t dream of treating a friend like that just because they had more money than me.
NTA they can’t “pay you back” the money by choosing to use it to treat themselves (plus you) to dinner. To pay you back they would need to hand the money over to you and then they would have no say over how it was spent.
The only way their plan would work is if they paid you back and you independently decided to use the money to pay for everyone’s dinner.
NTA. They refused to even talk about it? These ladies are supposed to be 30 give or take? My lord.
And not pitch a fit over $600? Girl, times are tough! Everything is expensive AF right now. $600 isn’t like $50 that might “come out in the wash” over years of friendship. Fuck your friends!
NTA they owed you $150 each. That was agreed upon, and they owed you. They don’t get to decide how to pay you back, and they certainly don’t get to do that by paying for their own meals with it.
Time for different friends.
NTA. Your friends are selfish weirdos.
NTA. They are using the logic of a 13-year-old, not a 30 -year-old. (“Mom, can I have $50 to buy you a birthday present?”)
NTA….You paid for your own birthday party. Hopefully you had a good time. It might be time to find different friends.
With friends like that, you don’t need any enemies!
NTA
“Instead of paying you back the $600 we collectively owe you, we decided to just pay for your birthday meal.” Is exactly what they did. And it’s *not* the same as paying you back, which is what they initially agreed to do. I would tell them, if you can afford an expensive restaurant you can afford to pay back what you owe me.
NTA, they didn’t do a nice thing for you, they did a nice thing for themselves. They used your money to buy themselves a fancy meal and apps and planned to spin it so they didn’t have to feel bad about stealing $600 from you. I seriously doubt your food was $600…so no, they didn’t treat you, they treated themselves again