Basically, my boyfriend (21M), one of his close friends (21M) and I (20F) play video games about 4/7 nights a week. We usually hop on, play for a couple hours, then hop off. Lately we’ve been really into a newer game, Arc Raiders. (I will go ahead preface this by saying I have some pretty bag anger and mental health issues, something that stems from some pretty bad stuff in my past but something I am still constantly trying to be mindful of and work on) TBH I’m not very good at video games, but it has been extremely frustrating these past few weeks when we all play together. They got the game a month or two before me and had time to level up and get further ahead in the game than me. Not a big deal. The thing is I feel like when we play they always leave me behind, going off ahead of me or stopping on the way somewhere and not saying anything to me. I usually end up dying because I don’t have their help killing someone/something and then they always blame it on me for not being with them. If it’s not that, then they usually end up looting everything good and keeping everything better they find for themselves instead of helping me out here and there. Anything good I DO get it’s either because they don’t need it, or because I don’t say anything and stash it. I know it’s just a video game like my bf said to me, but I’ve honestly rage quit a few times because I get so frustrated over the fact it feels like I’m just dead weight to them. They say they’re laughing with me but always make jokes about it and I constantly feel like I’m the butt of them when we play. I got super upset and brought it up to my boyfriend, and he pretty much just told me it’s because I don’t pay attention and turned it around on me. I ended up getting heated, and yelled at him over it which I know is immature, but I’m tired of expressing that I don’t really enjoy playing with them anymore because of the way they treat me when I do, and being shut down or dismissed. It’s the only thing I have to look forward to after a long day recently, and I have no one else to play with. I love playing with them, but like I said it’s just been really frustrating recently. AITO?
Why dont you look for less intense games you can play together? Even just with boyfriend
“It takes 2″ or ” a way out” are fun couple games.
Or spend the whole of Christmas break playing without them and level up.
Split Fiction was also really fun for me and my brother when we played it
NTA
You shouldn’t be getting so angry over it, but you’re young and you’re working on it.
Your boyfriend’s behaviour however is the reason why I very rarely play video games with other people. It is incredibly frustrating when your friends go off without you and then make fun of you when you die and blame you for not being as good. If your boyfriend can’t understand that I think it’s really time to stop playing with him and find new people to play with or delve into solo games.
Playing by yourself really is very relaxing and it frees you up to do exploring without having to be worried you’re losing your group.
Agreed! If I’m playing a game with someone, depending on the game, and especially if it’s one I have more experience in, I’ll make a point of essentially just being another character in *their* game. I’ll hang back, I’ll let them initiate dialogue/combat, etc. I want them to have as good of an experience as possible so that they’ll continue to want to play with me.
I might suggest It Takes Two or Split Fiction to OP, it essentially forces learning patience and co-operation, not to mention being the whole point of the game’s plot.
Not sure if anyone commenting has even played a coop videogame. Its an activity like any other u do with friends. Yes, even sometimes multiple times a week! Shocker, I know!
Anyway, I get where ur coming from. I have had this issue when playing coop games with friends, especially starting separately. Its also especially annoying in loot-based games. Ive just said in the past that im playing with them to play with them, if they wanna run off and do everything on their own, we may as well play separately.
Same here. My ex and his brother did that. After a while it just starts to feel shitty. Either all together as a team or I’m out. Let’s say there are couple reasons this is an ex, this is one of them. I feel like those getting at OP may be on the other end leaving people behind and then blaming them for it.
My ex literally said to me since I am female he expects me to not know anything about gaming, had the exact same type of reaction pretending to be joking and laughing with me except I wasn’t laughing, and all that shit. I have better people in my life now where everyone makes sure it’s equal to some extent and people are inckuded and if someone falls behind we wait.
ESH.
You have admitted yourself that your temper plays a part so you should try to manage that better, lest you say something you regret in the heat of the moment.
Your bf sucks here because he isn’t listening to you or your frustration, despite (I assume) being aware of the root cause of at least some of the trauma. He also isn’t defending you when the friend makes fun of you
The friend sucks here because he’s not taking accountability for his selfish gameplay.
As a side note, I’ve been the lowest level player on a game and it’s a tough hole to get out of without your friends giving you a hand up so I’m not surprised you want to quit. Try not to be too hard on yourself, you are only young and as you say, playing games is meant to be a hobby. It might be that this game just isn’t for you.
I gave up playing Overwatch and Marvel Rivals because I had a moment where I realised that what I felt wasn’t actually enjoyment. It was anxiety. And the release I got was the game finishing.
Where exactly in all of this do you find something that make you think that you “love to play with them” ? Just drop Arc and play expedition 33 or something else instead
NTA except yelling is not okay but been there, done that, I’m happier without my ex and have better people in my life now. My ex had that same form of behaviour also outside of games and always pretended that either I’m the problem or “it’s just a joke”. Hard pass. I stopped playing with ex and his friend at first as they did that nonstop, but in the end I am generally happier without him.
That’s just how a lot of people who play games like this play games like this. So I don’t play games like this with anyone but close personal friends who play like i play. Find either a new game or a new gaming group. Otherwise you’ll just keep getting angry and resentful. Time to move on from something that causes you grief
NTA. They aren’t playing with you, they play together and you happen to be there, too. Playing with other people means everyone gets to be involved and has fun. I get that it is less fun for people who are more advanced in a game to wait for slower, less geared people, but if they truly want to play with you, they should help you to get on their level and then continue together. Rage quitting of course isn’t great, but it does get extremely frustrating to be in the position you’re in.
I’d talk to them, aplogise for the rage quitting, ask them to take it a bit slower when you are around, and if it doesn’t change, stop playing with them – at least that game.
Also, check out /r/TrueGirlGaming and /r/GirlGamers to find others to play with.
My opinion is maybe you shouldnt be playing this game with them. It doesn’t sound like it’s healthy. Or helping you work on your anger issues.
Best revenge would be to find other, kind people to play with. Look for discord servers with helpful level up areas. They’re out there, people who love these games want others to have a good time and will assist. NTA
One part of a gamer pair here:
We have wildly different styles: Im a sweat try hard, gotta go fast, min maxer and she likes to take her tine, enjoy the scenery, hear what everyone likes to say, pick up ALL the things, and is still very very capable of kicking ass.
We often end up in situations where Im in speed run mode and shes stopping to smell the roses (as is her every right). I still make sure we’re splitting chests (I leave some unopened as she likes to interact with them), and I will wait for her for bosses or big events. I also try my best to check I haven’t gone *too* far and make sure shes included in regular encounters assuming I can tell one’s about to happen.
I acknowledge its a lot trickier with a game like Arc where you HAVE to go fast or risk dying or losing out on loot. But your bf is being a bad partner. We make sure we’re playing game we can both enjoy. I cant imagine ditching mine, leaving them to die, then making fun of them.
NTA