Throwaway account.
I lost my job almost a month ago. Since then, I have been job hunting daily, pretty much every waking hour (aside from 1-2 hrs for gym, important later). I currently have little to no income and my bills are starting to pile up.
I recently made a new friend who, after learning about my situation, offered for me to stay with them (they live in a more desireable employment area) and also repeatedly hinted they wanted to help me financially. I said I was open to staying at their place, but not yet as I didnt know them too well. I also fully declined financial help.
Eventually, when I felt I had no other choice, I asked for that financial help. They said yes, but wanted to ask questions first.
They told me (not asked, so unsure why they said they had questions) that they didn’t think I was taking job hunting seriously because I go to the gym daily for an hour or two. I explained that I have a bad knee and need regular physical activity, and that it also helps to get away from my desk for a tiny bit (i live in a rural area and its NOT a good place for outdoor walks/activity). They dismissed this and said going to the gym was “lazy,” that I didn’t have my priorities straight, and that if I were serious I’d use that time to MAKE a job happen.
I realized all they knew was "im applying to jobs", so i clarified that my days are spent applying, following up, taking the tests/assessments, doing the pre-recorded video interviews, etc.. I defended myself saying I wasn’t lazy, ive held a job without major gaps since high school, ive done overtime a lot, ive taken on side projects, so on. They refused to listen and called me entitled and lazy multiple times, accusing me of waiting for someone else to “fix” my situation, even though the help was something THEY had offered and I had previously declined.
They said my focus should only be on overdue bills, not "the gym", and that my explanation was “just an excuse.” They also said I was young (Im 30?? A whole adult), irresponsible, and had no sense of urgency (they are about 11/12 years older than me), said it was expected because "my generation" has entitlement issues.
At that point, I lost my temper, because i couldnt understand how 1 hour at the gym REALLY outweighed 12-15 hours of job hunting. I yelled at them, saying it felt like they were offering help just to look down on me for accepting it, they probably just wanted to "help" so they could feel like a better person than someone else, and that they should stop trying to be nice to people if it doesn’t TRULY come from WANTING to help. I told them I didn’t want to speak to them again and ended the conversation.
Someone else later told me I was too harsh and that I was an a-hole, but I feel like I wasn’t at all…?
AITA?
This situation is very odd and I feel like you’re leaving out details. You just happen to make a friend who wants to give you a place to live and money?
If you’re telling the whole truth this person Is obviously way to controlling for a normal friendship
Pretty much, yes. Just met this person not too long ago (before was unemployed) and theyre offering a ton of “help”. Controlling is definitely the word I thought of when this was happening.
As you’ve found, it’s clearly too good to be true
NTA
Some people don’t actually want to help, they want someone to abuse and keep under their thumb. You did the right thing by not getting further entangled with this toxic person.
I hope your job hunting goes well and something breaks for you soon.
Thanks for the input. Appreciate it ❤️
You didn’t put genders in the post, but if you’re F and they’re M then the financial abuse and wanting you reliant on them aspect seems more likely to me. just because it’s something I’ve seen more often. edit: read further down that you’re both male. doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t want you reliant on them though
NTA You can go to the gym while job hunting. Yet, you should have know that asking someone you just met to move in and support them financially is a huge red flag. That would make me really suspicious about their motives. Good luck with the job hunt!
Very suspicious, yes! Its why I didnt take it so serious at first. And thanks!
Imo, if you have any other optiom, dont become dependent on that friend. They are throwing red flags right and left. They are trying to buy someone they can treat as a project.
NTA
NTA being unemployed and hunting for a job is stressful and physical activity is a great way to relieve stress. Also a lot of time job hunting is spent waiting to hear back and by sitting on the sofa aggressively waiting for a call back would just cause more stress.
NTA
lol…. Went to the gym… “You’re lazy!!”.. What kinda logic is this?!
Right?!?! Id be lazy if I laid in bed all day moping about being unemployed so their logic really caught me off guard.
you don’t even have to hunt for jobs you can do what the fuck you want. fuck that old wanker. NTA
Daily gym while grinding 12-15 hours of applications is not laziness, it’s basic maintenance so you dont mentally disintegrate mid job hunt