I 15 female have just gotten my learners permit yesterday and I have studied for weeks. I had been so exited to drive right after I got it. My mom 57 honored that promise and we drove around my city for about 40 min. No highways yet but I did cross intersections with highways and many other experiences. I feel like I got a good first actual driving experience. I had been driving with my mom for about a year before in our fields on our property so I wasent completely new to it. And now today we drove for about 20 min on some winding backroads in the woods. So, my family was going to get a Christmas tree me, my mom, and my brother 13 male. Me and my mom decided that I would not be driving a lot today except for the backroads I mentioned earlier. Because our route included a long highway, and my brother was going to be in the car. He says he is not comfortable with me driving while he is in the car and he will not be comfortable until I drive on a highway. The backroads I did earlier in the day were without my brother, just my mom and I. While we were at the Christmas tree farm I asked my mom if I could drive some because there was a long backroad that rarely had another car, and it was still light out. This road is an hour away from our house and let’s just say I would not get this same quiet and easy to practice on road at home. She said yes but she was going to tell my brother so once we got our tree and walked back to the car she told him and he freaked out, I just got in the drivers seat because I thought it was better to not be involved. He kept saying no no no very sternly when she was trying to explain to him the amount of driving that I would be doing. And finally she said that he was going to walk to the top of the driveway and I could back out the car and drive to the top of the driveway. Mind you this driveway was at most 50 ft. She said this was a win win for both of us. I was extremely angry because I have been so exited for years to drive and I was so excited for my mom to teach me. I understand that this is only my second day with my permit, and I was less upset about not being allowed to drive and more upset about the fact that his comfort level dictated what happened my mom said that we have to respect his feelings, and I felt like his feelings were the only thing respected in that situation. He decided that I would not be able to drive that night by 13-year-old brother decided that it felt like his feelings were the end all be all. Am I the asshole?
UPDATE- I know this is pretty fast but I have gotten an extremely similar consensus and I feel the need to reply.
First I am going to do paragraphs because I realize how irritating it probably was to read that big slab of text.
Secondly after reading the comments I think I was thinking about this situation the completely wrong way. I was thinking of this as a feelings issue when it is actually a safety issue. The more I read comments the more I realize how this is not that big of a deal and rather than thinking about my brothers feelings I should think about the family’s safely
I also realize, I have so much time to practice! I don’t need to feel like I am missing out on an opportunity.
Thank you so much for your reply’s sorry again for no paragraphs and some spelling errors.
YTA. I get being excited, but your brother needa to feel safe in the car, and that’s more important than your excitement. Safety trumps everything else. Do you honestly believe, on only your second day of having your learners permit, that your brother freaking out in the back seat wouldn’t be a major distraction? That’s wildly dangerous.
You’ll have time to learn. But you have to do it safely.
YTA. I get your excited to drive, but your brother doesn’t feel safe in the car yet with you driving and that needs to be respected. It’s your second day with a drivers permit, you have plenty of time between now and when you qualify for license. My own siblings refused to sit in the car when I, the oldest, first started driving, and tbh, I didn’t really get in the car with them when they first started too. It’s a very uncomfortable and scary feeling for a lot of people, especially those who don’t know how to drive.
It is also dangerous for you, a new driver, to drive while there is someone younger than you who is anxious and whose panic can easily become a distraction.
YTA others do not have to be comfortable with an inexperienced driver driving them around. Your brother shouldn’t have to be in the car with you if he isn’t comfortable. This was a preplanned shift. He made it clear before hand he wasn’t comfortable with you driving and you push it
YTA. I know driving for the first time is exciting , but I promise you’ll have so many opportunities to. It’s so much better to in a lower stress environment than with someone in the backseat convinced you’re trying to kill him.
YTA. If you were a more experienced driver perhaps you would understand how important it is for everyone in the car to be comfortable. It seems like you still have more to learn.
I know you don’t feel you need to respect your brothers feelings, maybe because he’s younger, or often annoying. But to drive a car is to take responsibility for every person in that vehicle. It means to make sure they feel safe. If someone doesn’t want to be driven by you, then the correct response is to gracefully say OK and let the original driver take the wheel.
YTA. You are a brand new teen driver. The risk of accident for teen drivers goes up by nearly 50% when there is another teenager in the car. It is less with a parent in the car, but if your brother doesn’t feel safe like that, it is very reasonable. When you are getting angry and frustrated, you don’t need to be behind the wheel anyway. Your mother should have let it be a firm no rather than attempting to broker negotiations.
YTA
You have a learners permit and you don’t own the car. Its not your choice on when you can or can’t drive. Your mom made the decision, life’s not always fair.
It’s possible your mom has concerns about a new driver and other people being in the car. She probably prefers to do 1:1 sessions for now where she can focus on your training. That’s a fair concern – driving is serious.
You’ve had plenty of chances to drive in the first two days. And you can’t get your license for 6 months – you don’t need to drive everyday. There will be plenty of “No’s” ahead.
Get a job, buy a car, pay for insurance and gas – then you can be the driver 24/7.
YTA
You ambushed him.
He told you he didn’t want to ride with you driving yet, and **you waited until you were actually away from home to ask to drive, to try and force him into it. You even got into the driver’s seat and tried to make your mom convince him.** That’s pretty vile.
Your eagerness to drive should not override someone else’s comfort. You are only 15 and cannot even get a full license yet. You have plenty of time to learn. You are the AH for boundary stomping.
YTA. The comfort of ALL the passengers is important and CLEARLY your brother is not comfortable with a driver who’s only had their permit for TWO DAYS driving with him in the car. You have a lot of learning and growing to do before then when it comes to driving.
YTA. It wasn’t about his feelings, it was about his concern for his own safety. Being behind the wheel doesn’t just mean navigating from A to B, you are also in a position where it is your responsibility for the safety of everyone in the car. Maybe you are too young to understand yet. I get you are excited (yes that’s how you spell the word) but you need to lose the attitude.
YTA, you are a learner driver who has had their permit for about 48 hours. There’s a huge difference between driving on private property and driving on public roads. I’ve been driving for nearly 20 years and there’s no way I would get I a car driven by a 15 year old, especially one so determined that they should get their way over other people’s concerns.
Be patient you will have plenty of time to practice without our brother in the car.
At risk of sounding like a grumpy old AH, driving is a privilege. It’s great that your mom is working with you to make sure you get the chance to practice. Your excitement does not outweigh your brother’s comfort. Your mom is a little bit of an AH for even putting your brother on the spot like this when he’s already made it clear he’s not comfortable riding with you yet… but mostly YTA for being this entitled. You ARE getting to drive. Frankly, you don’t get to set the terms of that until you’re old enough and financially independent enough to own your own car, but you CERTAINLY don’t get to demand the driver’s seat while you’re still actively learning. There’s a reason you aren’t permitted to drive alone: because you do not have the experience yet to decide whether you are ready to tackle a specific route.
YTA
You JUST got your permit. You have no right to demand to drive whenever YOU think it suits you. Your younger brother is expressing his discomfort, and your mom is allowed to say no to you.
You have lots of time, book some time with just you and your mom. What is the age at which you can get your license by the way? I assume it’s legal that you’re on public roads driving with a minor in the vehicle?
Either way, chill out, you don’t get to be mad at your brother for not wanting to be part of your driver training experience.
YTA. Calm down mate, you have had a licence for 2 days. You didn’t get to drive *once* when you wanted to, its not the end of the world. If your brother doesn’t feel safe with you driving, that is a completely valid concern for your mother and IMO she made the right decision.