AITA (daughter edition)

I’m a 25F and I grew up in an extremely emotional abusive household. At the age of 23 I worked and saved up money to go to college ( I was going to take out loans for whatever else I needed) my parents ended up offering to match my money and help me out financially while in college.

The past 2 years of my life my mother has been constantly holding it over my head about the money. She frequently threaten to withhold funds, not help me pay my room and board leaving me stranded and no classes,food,books. She continuously extort me to do things for her like basically just be her personal assistant. I never done anything about it because well I neeeded the money and wanted to finish school as I am already knee deep.

Naturally I have distanced myself from my parents even more than before due to this. I stopped going home because they would constantly throw it in my face that they were using their hard worked money on me and I should never complain, say anything (have feelings about things), and basically when I’m home be the maid and personal assistant to them. Even tho emotional abuse I still love my parents and appreciate everything I have … however coming home was literal hell. my mom has this strange habit of not using any of her household appliances leading to her using a grill in the garage for all foods related things. she won’t let anyone cook or prepare anything inside the actual kitchen.

When I would go home my mother wouldn’t make enough food for me to eat leading to me never eating enough. I have severe Hemiplegic migraines which I have under control I just need to maintain a good lifestyle eating well, exercises, ect. Now I have dealt with the emotional abuse my whole life but I can’t compromise with the food situation. I am a grown woman I don’t expect my parents to make me food when I come home and I have no issues making own dinner to theirs but my mom gets extremely angry whenever I use the kitchen and claims everything I make/cook is disgusting and ruins and smells up her house. So my visits home naturally got shorter and shorter do to me feeling uncomfortable and unable to feed myself properly eventually I just stopped because it was too harassing for me.

Today my mom is visiting me and asked me why I don’t come home anymore and I tried my best to gently explain to her the food situation. My exact words were “ I appreciate everything you guys do for me and I respect your space but I don’t come home anymore because of the food/kitchen situation it makes me really sick and it makes recovery hard for me after not eating well for a few days …. I don’t want to upset your routine and how you run your house but it’s tough for me to prepare all my meals within a hot garage on a gas grill especially if the dinner you make is not enough for everyone to eat”

My mom completely exploded on me and basically said I was a terrible child and that her and my dad spend all their money on me (news flash my parents have a business in which they are plenty rich) and they regret sending me to college and helping me out. She went on the make a scene in front my dorm building causing security to pull up. She went on to say I’m a financial burden and I have no place to even have a opinion on how the food situation goes on in her house and i should just do how she wants it done because she pays for me and it’s her house. In the past I have respected her rules and went about things the way she wanted and it was very tough for me. Even tho I followed the rules she would be in my ear following my every move to the point where I lost my appetite or I felt so uncomfortable I just didn’t want to cook anymore. I genuinely tried but honestly it just seemed like she didn’t want me to use/touch anything in the house and I felt so uncomfortable being there. I’ve tried to nicely tell her this but idk. she’s completely pulled all her money so in the daytime I have to go to my schools loan office to figure everything out.

My parents grind me smooth sometimes. They don’t really talk to me whenever I try to make conversation or they never want to do anything with me. They are never there for me physically and don’t care much about my personal life. They never nurture me or help me out (besides financially) and it’s always been like this since I was a kid. I was really sick on thanksgiving and they could have helped me drive to a family members house but they just didn’t want to leading me to make a 1 hour drive alone. They always just throw me in the corner until they need something from me. I have tried to many times to connect to them especially since they pay for my college. But it’s always the same. As I gotten older I just try to keep things cordial but it really affects my mental health to be around them.

I am so grateful for everything In my life but I don’t think this is fair to me. Yes I understand they are lending me a lot of money but I also need to supplement my own mental and physical health. Am I the asshole ungrateful daughter ?