as the title states, i (24f) have both parents blocked on only one of my accounts (instagram) for over 6 years and i’ve never revealed to anyone my other socials because 1. i prefer to keep my chronically online persona and irl but is occasionally on the internet persona veryyyy separate 2. i write fanfiction and engage in fandom heavily in my spare time and i just don’t like to be perceived by people i see day to day 3. my parents have always made fun of my interests, be it the shows and movies i like being too "childish" (ie. look back, frieren) to my "god awful" music taste (ie. paramore) just to name a few 4. they stalk and vet my own friends and i have to protect their privacy somehow
my parents are typical helicopter parents and i have to report all my daily activities to them, if i happen to go somewhere i need to turn my location on and if i dont answer their call on the first ring they will call the police. and all my online activities are no exception, to the point where i got so fed up i blocked them when i was around 17 on my instagram (the only social media acct i had then) my mother was very upset and had thrown a fit over it and i told her if she was really that desperate she could always create a new account to stalk me since i left the acct public and she called me extremely selfish for doing so and that i am going to hell for disrespecting her will like this. my dad on ther other hand has created a new account to stalk me so there’s that.
my parents aren’t bad people it’s just that they are very overwhelming and unfortunately very socially unaware and i am also not very good at defending myself without crying in the process so i really don’t know what to do here.
NTA. You may need to bring up family therapy at some point. An issue alot of parents have is navigating the change from being a parent of a child (An authority figure) to their child being an adult (A peer).
NTA. You’re 24, not 14. You’re entitled to your privacy. Is your mother always this dramatic?
>i have to report all my daily activities to them
No, you don’t.
>if i happen to go somewhere i need to turn my location on and if i dont answer their call on the first ring they will call the police.
Let them. The police will soon tire of this and your parents won’t like the response.
Your parents’ issues are not your issues; don’t buy the nonsense that they are selling. Separating yourself emotionally, physically and virtually is the best gift that you can give yourself.
Develop coping skills other than crying. Learn that advocating for yourself is not being mean. Just because someone calls you selfish doesn’t mean that you have to accept that criticism.
You are a separate person from your parents. Live your own life, not theirs.
NTA
I love posts where people say “my parents aren’t bad people” after listing how terrible they actually are.
NTA, but no you don’t have to turn on your location. You don’t have to answer on the first ring. If they want to call the police let them. The police will do nothing. You’re an adult. Time to learn to say no.
“i have to report all my daily activities to them”
Since you’re an adult you don’t actually have to do that. If your parents call the police on you too much they’ll face false reporting consequences.
NTA but your parents actually are bad people, you listed a bunch of things that make them bad people.
NTA.
> that i am going to hell for disrespecting her will like this.
I dunno, this is what a bad person would say.
NTA – I had to do the same as everytime I posted anything I got a call from my Dad about how I’d lose my job for wasting on social media. And my mother shamed me for making my FB a maudlin wall of death for posting my dead pets and then got upset when I didn’t post about her being dead.
Some parents want to curate your life because they feel it reflects of them. And it doesn’t once you are an adult as you get more experiences and more influences from friends, media etc. Enjoy your interests and don’t let them shame you into a box.
My mother used to complain she only found out what I was doing once it was done and got upset when I explained that was because she made everything so negative. They use the emotional guiltmail to control and even though it often comes from a good place of wanting to protect you, it is part of being an adult to want to make own mistakes and find own pleasures. Just say that you need to take risks now for low stakes as you want to be prepared for the time when they are no longer around to protect you.
PS: On FB you can set your open page up to show everything to everyone in friend group except named people – that was my default for years.
Edit: I am also so glad I grew up before location tracking. My Dad did call the secretary daily to check if I got to work safely. I had to work with her to get him to back off. Ironically he’d have viewed it as an ultimate faux pas for us to call him at work as “so unprofessoonal”. I did ask him why he was trying, by his own standards, to tank my career.
NTA
If you were 14 I could get behind some of this. But not at 24.
IDK where you live, if it’s culturally normal for parents to be that overbearing, but I can tell you that my youngest is 19 and I don’t follow her on any of her socials, and I only check her location if I want to know how close she is to home so I can start dinner.
Your interests are yours, and if you enjoy them it’s no one else’s business. Your parents are cruel for making fun of you.
Calling the police on you for not answering your phone crosses the line into insane. Sorry you have to deal with this.
NTA
my parents are really weird and controlling too. I used to have to ask for permission to take a shower. Thank god I have my own place now. When I was about 16 I made a decoy Instagram and a real instagram where I blocked all of my family. This approach helps because they aren’t constantly looking for my account. It’s been seven years and no one has noticed yet.
Nta.
Though, i have to admit i have my 17yo turn his location all the time and i want to know where he is (left school/ on the subway/ going to meet x at y place) kind of thing. I do very much hope that continues for a couple more years, gradualy. Not because i want to control him, but to know where to send the cops to if something happens. Now, i don’t make him ask permission to do s or y; don’t have to know plans over if i have to account for lunch/dinner or what time arrives at home; it’s just for safety reasons. And i don’t panic if there are a couple missed calls in 30min, but i do check the location “alright, it’s a safe place” like at a friends or gf. I’d never stalk the internet, as i never looked on his phone. I gave the tutorial and always explained what to look out for, kept myself open to any help in any kind of mess, don’t matter who’s fault it is. I just want to help my child feel safe.
NTA – reglardless of whether you participate in most of your parents other controlling behaviour, you can still keep some of it “private”. but keep in mind, social media sites will recommend your second account to friends you have on the first account (found this out the hard/embarrassing way). your folks are blocked so they won’t see it, but make sure you also block any other family member who might report back.
You are enabling your parents’ behavior. You are not required to report anything at all to them. If they call the police because you’re not answering them, they’ll be told to piss off and file a missing person report after a certain number of hours/days. If they continue to harass the police, they’ll may find themselves in legal trouble.
All that is on them. It’s not your problem if your parents cannot allow their child to be an adult.
“No.” is a complete sentence when you’re an adult. It requires no further explanation. Start practicing.
NTA