Just for context I come from a small town in a latinamerican country, but moved to north america a long time ago. My parents saved to visit me a couple months a go to see where I was living and meet the people in my life I talk about a lot. I have a very small close group of friends which my parents adored and invited them to visit my home town later this month for the end of the year which they all are joining me for. However another friend (let’s call her Lexy) heard about us going and she asked me if she could join, Lexy my good friend is allergic to fish, gluten, dairy, the sun, animals with fur, fragances, cleaners and I think pollen too, on top of this she’s an extremely picky eater, the type that would return food because a tomato was touching the rest of her food. I can handle Lexy no problem in the city, its a controlled place where her accomodations have never bothered her but my home town doesn’t even have a mall and the hospital is in the next town over. I told her it would be hard to accomodate her properly and she took offense on it saying that my mom can just cook something else for her and she’ll stay in an isolated room at my place but my mom has 4 more kids to feed plus my 3 close friends who are already joining, we are sleeping on the living room and I have 2 dogs who we can’t really place somewhere else while we visit. She got super upset that I couldn’t do this thing for her, she feels left out from a friend group that she isn’t part off and never really hanged out with. I don’t want her to be upset but I also don’t want her to have an unnecesary medical emergency.
AITA for not inviting her?
NTA- she has to be able to organise these things on her own, there is a limited for how far someone can politely accommodate so many needs.
She could rent an airbnb and bring her own save food. That is too much to ask a host, really. It’s very rude.
NTA…Your friend’s fantasies of being accommodated already show what you’d be in for. Your mother would never forgive you.
NTA – your friend shouldn’t be inviting herself especially if she isn’t even in the friend group. What an odd thing to say that your mom who she has never met can cook something else to accommodate her. No ma’am she isn’t running a GF restaurant with specific pots and pans for allergies. You’re not wrong and should strongly distance from her altogether.
I am glad you made this decision, which protects everyone’s peace of mind.
NTA, it’s entitled of her to ask to have her own room and special food cooked for her. Also, if she’s not friends with your other friends, she will be pissed you’re not spending time only with her. Save yourself and everyone else the headache and don’t bring her. If you must, offer to go only with her another time, if you think that could work. Does she actually have medical issues or she’s just a hypochondriac?
NTA, you were correct to mention it would be difficult to host another person with an already large group going.
NTA. You’re not excluding her from your friend group your parents invited specific people to their home. A small town without nearby medical facilities can’t safely accommodate her extensive allergies, and there’s literally no space (everyone’s sleeping in the living room with 2 dogs). You’re protecting her health, not rejecting her.
NTA. It’s rude of her to invite herself and it’s rude of her to demand your mom does extra labor to accommodate her. I would never ever travel with her and I would never make my family deal with her demands.
Cook something else for one person? Nahhh
NTA
NTA. This is the definition of unreasonable:
>she took offense on it saying that my mom can just cook something else for her and she’ll stay in an isolated room at my place
Your mom is not on the hook to provide accommodations for a complete stranger. If she wants to impose, she should at least be willing to minimize the imposition. These expectations are precisely why you excluded her to begin with. If she has medical problems that require special food, then she needs to bring her own provisions. If she has severe allergies that prevent her from traveling, then she should stay home. If she has medical issues that require proximity to a hospital, then she shouldn’t be traveling to places that are far from the hospital.
Omg NTA! Good on you for just being honest. You can just tell her that you understand that she is upset, but with the amount of people and animals already in the house, there is no ability to accommodate her needs. Maybe mentioning that you understand and are fine with making sure she’s comfortable in most situations, but you have limited options for this trip and knowing her concerns you’re just not able to include her. Ask her point blank if she would be ok sleeping on the living room floor with the dogs?
People that are notoriously difficult like Lexy need to grow a pair and admit that they’re picky, particular and demanding and not put themselves in situations where other people are in charge of their comfort. It’s not your job.
NTA- Your friend Lexy has too many serious allergies (fish, gluten, sun, dogs, etc.) for a small town where you can’t control the environment and the hospital is far away.
You are being a good, responsible friend by protecting her from a serious medical emergency. It’s impossible to accommodate her fully without risking her health and ruining your family’s trip.
NTA. She shouldn’t have invited herself in the first place. I’m always baffled by people that think this is appropriate. You didn’t mention anyone’s ages, but I’m assuming she’s young and has a lot of growing up to do.
Why does she think she can invite herself? And to ask for special accommodations? What drugs is she on?