My live-in significant other gifted me some pumpkin pie slices to give to my parents for the holiday. My parents didn’t consume all the pie on Thanksgiving so I left the rest in my parent’s fridge for them to enjoy.
Now my significant other is pissed and confronted me because they expected to get their takeout containers back. These were disposable take out container, like the kind you get for leftovers at a restaurant. I assumed since they were the disposable kind I could leave them for my parents as a gift. Additionally, my parents do not own any Tupperware (they’re rich lol) so I couldn’t have transferred the slices of pie to separate containers, since they own none.
I think this is stretching it – in my mind the pie was a gift from my SO to my parents. Probably because I grew up well off, I don’t view disposable take out containers as something I should need to keep track of. My SO is honestly deeply bothered by this though. I think they view it as me stealing something (takeout containers) I don’t own.
My significant other and I have differed significantly on the need for rapid tupperware return before. I borrowed a (nice) Tupperware before for my work lunch and forgot it in the work fridge for a week once. My SO thought this was a) disgusting, b) lazy, and c) disrespectful towards them and their possessions.
We generally don’t share kitchen items since we disagree on how to treat our stuff. I really could care less about my stuff and lose things frequently. My SO knows they can borrow whatever from me and tbh I won’t even notice it’s gone.
Thoughts? What is the optimal Tupperware/container return policy in your opinion? How long is one allowed to borrow a Tupperware for?
I grew up well off enough I never had to keep track of or take particularly good care of my stuff, so having to keep track of small items like this is a bit foreign to me. (To call out my own privilege here)
YTA – your careless, rich kid (by your own admission) attitude makes it seem like Tupperware is not the main issue.
INFO Tupperware is a brand name. Was it Tupperware or a takeout container?
Also it is customery to discuss return when handed the container
ESH at first i thought ur SO was definitely overreacting but i would suggest just buying them new tupperware to replace it. however, after reading the whole thing you mention how rich and well off you grew up like every other sentence so i have a feeling this issue is a lot deeper rooted than just this one instance. i think your partner is frustrated that you don’t care about their things and also probably doesn’t love how often you highlight that you grew up rich. but your partner some tupperware to replace theirs, apologize, and then pls for the love of god learn to stop talking about your wealthy childhood lol
YTA she has made it clear she values her upper tupperwear before and you “gift” it to her parents.
YTA. I get you think it’s just Tupperware but price or not, we all have certain containers that we like and use frequently and really dont want to have to go replace. Just the other day I realized my mom sent me home with food in one of her containers post Thanksgiving and probably would like to have it back. It’s polite to at minimum tell them you’ll bring it back.
Your post is very confusing. Tupperware never did disposable take away containers. Please don’t confuse the two.
If it were Tupperware, I agree with your partner.
If it were takeaway containers, I agree with you.
Edited to say YTA. You have specified that they are plastic takeout containers. Those are about as “disposable” as every other plastic tupperware containers you can literally BUY. Those ARE reusable, so just tossing them out, which is the equivilent of what you did, is a waste of money and I’d be pissed too.
Just do a simple “plastic tupperware containers”, or even “plastic takeout containers” search and you’ll see.
For one, if it’s a take out container, from a restaurant, it’s not Tupperware, and yes that is a little overboard for your SO to be upset about. If it is actual Tupperware, that’s not silly, that stuff is costly.
I’m sure your parents had plates you could have transferred the pie to. Even rich ppl normally have Saran wrap or aluminum foil, and if not, a bowl turned upsidedown over a plate works.
It is also a little gross to leave a container at work for a week, that leads to good going bad in it, bacteria, mold etc…. sometimes the container has to be disposed of.
If you’re as well off as you claim, stop being cheap, and go buy some reusable containers of your own, and then you SO cannot get upset for you doing stuff with theirs
YTA regardless of how you grew up your partner has made it clear they want their Tupperware back. I don’t know if you’re using Tupperware as a generic term or if it’s actual Tupperware. If it’s actual Tupperware than your are a huge AH. You should have transferred it to a plate or something and brought it back.
YTA. Honestly, your attitude about Tupperware definitely reflects your upbringing. Not having to take care of or keep track of things because, I’m assuming, if they got damaged or lost they were easily replaced means you treat “small items” as disposable. Most people don’t have this luxury.
That being said, there is a distinct difference between true Tupperware and disposable takeout containers. If it’s actual Tupperware (or plastic food storage containers) that you buy from a store, unless the person specifically tells you to keep it…you should try to return those containers in a timely manner – as in you should preferably get them back to the person the next time you see them.
In your specific situation, your SO wasn’t gifting your parents the containers the food was in…they were just gifting them the food itself. Are you honestly saying that your parents have absolutely NO containers that they use to store leftovers? Worse case, you could have just transferred the pie onto a plate and covered it with plastic wrap before putting it in the fridge.
y’all can’t live with two separate kitchens your whole life. the root of this issue is a deep difference in values based on how you grew up.
i grew up dirt poor and we still had “house tupperware” (the good kind that is washed and reused) and “giving tupperware” (plastic food containers that have been washed out when the product is used up, like cool whip, and saved for giving away leftovers to guests with no expectation of return). we’d get in trouble if we gave away house tupperware when the other containers are specifically for giving away. i completely understand where your partner is coming from.
this line really gives me a visceral reaction: “*I really could care less about my stuff and lose things frequently.*” when you grow up poor, things are not just replaceable. there is a lot of anxiety around replacing things, and not just because of the cost. i had to explain to my partner that there are a lot of things i buy with the intention of never having to buy them again, or i bought that item for a specific reason and it might not be possible to find the same exact item again. someone else treating my things like they are replaceable is beyond disrespectful, it’s straight up negligent of my finances and my mental health. not exactly what you want from a life partner.
YTA.
Firstly, your assessment of the containers your left there doesn’t make sense to me. Tupperware makes good quality stuff designed to last decades. Admittedly the last time I bought any Tupperware was many years ago, but I have never seen them sell anything remotely like what you describe as a “*disposable take out container, like the kind you get for leftovers at a restaurant*.”
Secondly, when you are given leftovers, or a friend cooks meals for you while you are sick, or whatever, it is good manners to at least ASK “Would you like the containers back?”, rather than assuming they wouldn’t.
Thirdly, you write as though you had no options: “*Additionally, my parents do not own any Tupperware (they’re rich lol) so I couldn’t have transferred the slices of pie to separate containers, since they own none.*” Utter nonsense. You could have transferred the slices of pie to a plate and covered it with clingfilm. You could have placed the slices of pie onto sheets of aluminum foil and wrapped them up. It is ridiculous to say the only option you had was to gift the containers to your parents. They were never yours to give. The pie was the gift, not the containers it came in.
Fourthly, you wrote: “*I grew up well off and never had to keep track of or take particularly good care of my stuff, so having to keep track of small items like this is a bit foreign to me*.” Well, good for you. You need to check your privilege. Many people grew up poor (I’m one of them), and what means nothing to you might be very costly for someone else to replace.
*”I borrowed a (nice) Tupperware before for my work lunch and forgot it in the work fridge for a week once. My SO thought this was a) disgusting, b) lazy, and c) disrespectful towards them and their possessions.*”
Your SO is correct. You have been an asshole.
Go back to your parents’ place, get those containers, and bring them back to your SO. If you can’t because your parents threw them in the trash, then buy your SO replacement containers of at least the same quality.
It’s not about the item, but about the respect you have for someone else’s feelings. Pick an item that you value and think how you’d feel if that item was given away or improperly cared for – that’s how you made your SO feel.
Apologize, return the items as soon as possible, then don’t use SO’s items again as it’s distressing to them and to you (to have them be upset at you). Also, seems like it’ll be an argument when you use SO’s things in general so just avoid the whole mess.
Since money isn’t an object, use your own things. I guarantee that when your SO uses your things, they’re respectful of it (whether you notice or not). YTA for treating other’s things carelessly
YTA How many times are you going to tell us you are well off? Well off but dumb as a stump and entitled to boot. You give containers back, always. Why would rich people not have tupperware? I hope she dumps you for this.