I’ll keep this private (sorry for any mistakes, English is not my first language.)
I don’t really have the great relationship with my dad. My mom and him divorced when I was 6 years old, and honestly always preferred to be with my mom. They don’t have the best relationship but they still share my custody until I’m old enough.
Every year I spend Christmas with one and new year with the other one, and the next year the opposite. So this year I get to spend Christmas with my dad and new year with my mom.
We usually don’t do anything special with my dad, we just celebrate me, my older brother(22) and him or we go spend time with his mother (my grandma). That’s not the problem at all, I like spending time with my father’s mother.
This year he told us he’s been seeing someone let’s call her "Mary". She’s nice and I really don’t mind, though it bothered me because it was my birthday when he introduced her to me.
He wants to celebrate Christmas with her and her family at Mary’s parents apartment (Just saw them once). I do understand his desire of doing so, but they’re sometimes too much for an introverted person like me.
Also, he’s also planning a dinner with his brothers and etcetera.
And you might think it’s nothing, but here it goes.
Last Christmas I didn’t ask anything to him because I didn’t want him to give me anything. Instead, I asked him to buy something for my cats instead of actually buying something for me (because he’s always complaining about not having enough money).
This year is no different. I didn’t ask him anything for Christmas. And if you ask why I’m tired of it, it’s because he complains about money but keeps spending it on trips with *Mary*, and other activities like that. And obviously I do understand he wants to have a great time, but then this happened.
I have an account where my mom and my mom’s family been putting money on it for my studies. So last year, he told me that he didn’t have to help me with what I wanted to study because I had enough money on it (which was not entirely sure because it was not enough to cover all price). And of course he gives me food and a place and that. And we’re good financially. Not rich but we’re good.
Then, after I finished the course he told me to find a job and start working (Let’s make clear, I’m still a minor but I can work in my country with parent consent). Not only once, but he said it like 5 times.
This year I started studying another course. Which he only gets interested when I started it *and* to boast about it with friends and his partner Mary.
Let’s make clear I didn’t had a great childhood, and I didn’t tell him yet I don’t want to be there because I know he’ll get mad.
So AITA?
NTA. He’s showing a double standard. Anything for you is too much, but things for Mary are fine. He seems to only be interested in your life if it gives him news to share with others. I also wouldn’t want to hang around with him. Sometimes, your mental and emotional health is more important than making your parents happy.
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Unfortunately, I think the answer is NTA but you should go anyway, unless you’re ready to move out. Not going is going to be a big blow-up moment and I don’t think he’s going to take it well. Think of it as an unpleasant chore that you just have to get through, and count the days until you can tell him to go flip himself.
NTA, don’t go. Not worth it make it clear to him why you’re not going, but only if you are ready for how he will react
NTA for preference either way, asking not to maybe AH a little. It sounds like he has a lot of big plans and is (one would hope) having you there as well. It sucks that it’s not something you would really enjoy but dealing with that stuff is just part of growing up. As an introvert I understand and sometimes I have to grin and bear it for family but it’s for my family who I love. It does sound like your dad might be a little self centered, complaining about buying you presents is gross especially when he will splash the cash for his new lady. If you do request not to go you could spin it as a way for him to save money? Since this is clearly a big concern for him. He will probably make you the bad guy though, just for your info.
NTA-
You are an introvert, and your father is forcing you into a large, uncomfortable holiday centered on his new partner. Your emotional discomfort and your resentment over his financial behavior are valid reasons to want to skip the event.You are justified in prioritizing your own peace.
Don’t think you’re an asshole, you’re just a kid who’s kinda mad about your dad dating someone new.