I’m 30M. Recently my parents moved me into a two-bedroom apartment and agreed to pay the other half until I could find a roommate. I talked to my friend (let’s call him Greg (29M)) and he said he can’t move in until March, but he wants to move in. I talked to my dad about it and he said that Greg should move in even though he can’t afford to pay the entire half. My dad is OK with covering the rest because at least it’ll be a lot less than what he would pay otherwise.
Greg stayed the night the other day and we got into an argument. He said, living with his mom his entire life she always had dogs. He likes dogs, but he’s tired of living with them. He wants a more independent pet like a cat. Problem is, my dog (Junior) doesn’t like other animals. He tolerates them until they try to get into his space and then it’s always a problem.
The argument started after I yelled at Junior for getting in the trash again and then refusing to let him sit by me on the couch because I didn’t want to reward his bad behavior.
Greg told me that if I’m just gonna ignore my dog, I should at least consider rehoming him since I’m clearly too lazy to train him to be OK with cats.
I responded that it’s nonnegotiable. My dog stays with me. I said if living with Junior is a dealbreaker, then do not move in! We yelled back and forth. I told him that me caring enough to discipline Junior when he’s bad is evidence that I love him and I want him to be better. He argued that cats are way better because they are independent unlike when Junior gets a little cold and he’ll want to go under a blanket or near a person to get warm which really annoys him.
I’ve been friends with Greg (off and on) for over a decade. When I hear him say that cats are independent, I think he actually means that you can just let them do their own thing. Which means if I were to rehome Junior and he got a cat… after the novelty wore off, the cat would become my responsibility. Feeding, cleaning the litter, vet appointments, flea treatments. Everything! I stood my ground and after yelling for quite a bit, he asked me if I considered whether or not he was joking. And I need to just relax. I feel this is gaslighting.
Am I the asshole for standing my ground? Should I consider rehoming my dog to make Greg more comfortable when he moves in?
TL;DR my friend who is moving into my apartment in a few months wants me to rehome my dog so he can get a cat. I don’t wanna rehome my dog nor do I want to take care of his cat.
NTA
Do not rehome your dog for your friend. His demands are entitled and cruel.
In the meantime, make the trash inaccessible.
NTA “Greg told me that if I’m just gonna ignore my dog, I should at least consider rehoming him since I’m clearly too lazy to train him to be OK with cats.” – in no way was he joking and trying to backtrack after more yelling was only due to you telling him not to move in. He didn’t care about threatening your dog’s home, but the minute his was potentially in doubt, he switched his story. For me, this is already a no-go. He doesn’t get to make demands re you getting rid of your dog, or him getting another cat before he’s even a tenant. Imagine how much worse his demands will become once he has any actual rights to be there.
Taking Greg and his demands aside, you have a dog. You took on that responsibility and you have a responsibility TO the dog to ensure its safety and welfare. It is not selfish to keep your dog, it’s the right thing to do unless you’re unable to provide its needs, welfare & safety. Keep the dog and ditch Greg.
NTA, though hedging on E S H for continuing to argue with this person. It’s not a good fit, don’t have him move in, and find someone else who is ok with your dog. What a weird hill for this person to choose when they don’t even live there yet.
>he asked me if I considered whether or not he was joking. And I need to just relax. I feel this is gaslighting.
It’s close enough to gaslighting that I’d tell him my offer of him moving in is permanently revoked and wish him the best of luck in finding another place to live. Maybe his mom will take him back.
NTA. Do not let this dude move in. This is just a snippet of what’s to come. That was not a joke. He was not joking. Do not rehome your dog. Rescind the option of moving in to him.
ESH for yelling but do yourself a huge favor and list the apartment for rent and find a different roommate, you WILL find someone who likes dogs and bonus they will likely watch the dog for you on trips if you find a nice person.
Garantee you will hate Greg within 2 months if you let him move on
So…Greg is getting a nice deal and a few months of free rent, and he has the nerve to ask you to get rid of your dog?
You are NTA. Greg though…he’s throwing ALL the red flags here.
I would never “rehome” my dog, or any dog. It is cruel to the dog who loves you. Greg is the worst and you are NTA and don’t live with someone who wants your dog gone. Your dog deserves better.
NTA but at 30 why are your parents helping you? Your 30
NTA
I’d be looking for a new roommate. I wouldn’t trust Greg not to do something to the dog.
ESH. Reading this conversation about two 19 year olds would be one thing, but two 30 year olds? What in the failure to launch is all this?
The quote “my parents moved me”… was OP in the basement?
Also assholes to all of their neighbors since apparently the only way these boys know how to express disagreement is by yelling at each other.
ESH because you shouldn’t rehome your dog for a potential roommate that you’re doing a favor for, but also, you don’t yell at a dog and then refuse to cuddle with it because you don’t want to “reward bad behaviour”. That’s not how training a dog works and not how their brain works. I suggest getting an education in science-based dog training so you can properly handle situations like this without sending mixed signals to your poor dog. There are some good books out there, like The Other End of the Leash by Patricia McConnel, and Don’t Shoot the Dog by Karen Pryor.
The kids are not alright