Yesterday was my boyfriends birthday, he is 19, I’m 18. Before this, my parents never let him come over or me go to his house. I went to his house at around 3, I got invited to go out to eat with his family when I got there and they told me we’d leave around 6. So I asked my parents for permission to go out to eat with them at 6, they said yes. Fast forward to 7:30, I’m still at my boyfriends house because we were waiting for his friend to come so he could tag along. My dad is blowing up my phone all angry saying that I said it would be at 6 and that if by 8 we don’t leave that I better come home and I better not be outside at 10. At this point I knew I had to either go home or simply get home late. I decided to still go out to eat and I got back home around 10:20. For some context, my family is sort of old school. My brother at 18 was able to be at his gfs house all the time and his curfew wasn’t heavily restricted or even enforced. I was JUST able to hangout with my boyfriend at his. When I got home I told my dad it’s still 10 and I was at a restaurant. They’re still very angry and it’s the next day.
Couldn’t you have handed phone to one of the parents to explain the situation?
Also, if I was bfs parent, I aint waiting over 90mins for a friend. Im eating and not causing my kids gf grief.
NTA. But sounds like you have very strict/traditional parents whose culture sees boys (your brother) as being preferred. You are an adult, so you should decide when and with whom you can hang out and what time is reasonable to be out. On the other hand, their house, their rules. Is there a trusted older family member who might be able to advocate for you to have a little more freedom?
NTA but unfortunately your parents suck and you’ll have to deal with their nonsense until you move out.
You are 18 and free to do what you want. Your dad also can have expectations and curfews for his home, if you don’t like it, find your own place to live.
NTA. Your parents should be enforcing a curfew equally but they are not going to do so. You know that and chose to be 20 minutes late. You are an adult but still live at home, so you do need to abide by their rules, even unfair ones. That being said, you were home at 10:20, not 2:00am.
Nothing is going to change because your parents will always treat you differently. All you can do is decide how you want to handle it. And work on moving out on your own as soon as possible. And once you do, set very clear boundaries and expectations with your parents. If you don’t, they will disrespect you in your own home and that is unacceptable.
NtA
You called them to let them know what was going on. You were 20 minutes late. They hopefully will get over it. They are overreacting.
Now you understand why more young men live at home than young women.
NTH. However, 1. your BFs parents waited 90 minutes for someone to show up? WTF? whoever was running that late simply could have met everyone at the restaurant. 2. With respect to you parents, you need to start thinking about moving out. Get a job and your own place. As long as you live under their roof, you follow their rules.
NTA you are an adult and you can ignore their rules. That being said that can have consequences for you if you need them to support you financially. But part of being an adult is the freedom to make choices that can come with consequences. I think they are definitely TA for having a curfew on you at 18 when you’re an adult. Especially one that is sexist from what you said about what your brother was allowed to do (or if you’re a guy then clearly biased against you).
NTA. The brother comparison is doing a lot of work here. Same age, wildly different rules. That’s not about curfew, that’s about control
NTA. This level of “strictness” is foolish, especially at your age. They know where you are. You have adults with you (not that you aren’t, but you know). If they wished, your parents could call them and be informed about your location at any given time. They aren’t thinking about what a curfew is for, they’re only considering that you aren’t perfectly under their control.
Some people are so obsessed with their children following the letter of their law that they ignore reality. It isn’t enough for them that they knew you were safe, that you communicated like an adult, or that sometimes in real life, plans get delayed and schedules have changes. It made them angry that you didn’t put their words above living a normal life.
Man, I know teenagers can be rough, but I think sometimes that when kids become teens/young adults, some parents become worse just because they’re realizing they can’t control a human being like they did when you were six. NTA. Your parents are the ones that have growing up to do.
Info, why as a 18yo are you asking your parents permission to “go out and eat at 6”. You’re old enough to tell them you’re going out for dinner.
At 18 years old, this is crazy to me. I was a whole adult paying rent at that age. I would laugh in my parents’ face if they tried to enforce a curfew or ground me. I totally understand wanting to know you’re safe and check in periodically but unless they are willing to kick you out over a curfew, you need to set some boundaries with them or start paying rent so you have some rights to come and go as you please.