Hi Reddit, I (F28) have been with my boyfriend (M29) for about 2 years.
I’ve been unemployed in my field for over a year, and I finally got a short-term work opportunity that starts on January 1st very early in the morning. Because of that, I’ll be working a 12-hour shift and won’t be able to celebrate New Year’s Eve at all.
My boyfriend doesn’t know what to do for New Year’s Eve yet, but he’s considering going to a party with friends.
I haven’t said anything to him. I don’t want to stop him from enjoying New Year’s Eve just because I have to work. That wouldn’t feel fair to me. That said, I do feel sad about the idea of spending New Year’s Eve alone while he’s out celebrating. If roles were reversed, I know I wouldn’t fully enjoy myself knowing my partner was alone at home.
I’m torn between keeping my feelings to myself so he can enjoy the night, or being honest and telling him that it makes me sad, even though I don’t want to guilt him or pressure him into staying.
So, WIBTA if I told him that this situation makes me sad?
TL;DR: I have to work early on Jan 1st and can’t celebrate New Year’s Eve. My boyfriend wants to go to a party. I haven’t said anything, but I feel sad about being alone. WIBTA if I told him how I feel?
I want to clarify something because I think it may be misunderstood.
I’m not actually sad about missing New Year’s Eve itself. I’m not very attached to the holiday.
What makes this hard is the idea of being alone. I’m a fairly solitary person, I don’t have many people I’m close to, and I don’t live in my country of origin. The thought of spending that night completely alone triggers that feeling of isolation, and that’s what scares me, not him going out or having fun.
YTA. This is by the most selfish thing I have read all morning. Make some plans for another night instead of purposely trying to ruin his night.
What benefit comes from you dumping something onto him that he can’t do anything about. You have to work. That sucks. It doesn’t mean he has to be a sad tit sitting at home as well.
Na this is coming from a place of jealousy.
INFO… if you would be awake enough to be aware you were alone, why not go out with him for a little while and then leave at an hour where you can still have enough sleep? It’s not perfect, but you would have some chance to have a good time.
Otherwise, you’re NTA for feeling sad that you’re missing out on New Year’s, but I think YWBTA for putting the onus on him to feel bad if he goes out. If you’re going to be sleeping during party time, you won’t notice he’s gone.
I think there’s a line between being open and honest about your feelings and guilting someone. So: why do you want to tell him this? Are you hoping he’ll change his mind and stay home?
What time do you need to be in bed on 31st? Are we talking stay up, cheers at midnight and head to bed, or in bed by 10pm and miss the countdown etc?
Having fomo is real, but you’re right, it’s not fair to make him feel bad or guilty for going out without you, especially if you can’t come. If you told him, what are you expecting him to do? Console you for having to work? Not go? Have your feelings about it privately
YWBTA for telling him imo, tho you’re not an asshole for feeling that way. It’s a once-a-year date where people expect to celebrate, and being with friends is perfectly reasonable if your SO can’t celebrate with you. It’d be different if you were in a hospital, but having to lay down early due to a job doesn’t feel like a reason to stop someone from going to a NYE party if they want to.
YWBTA if you told him, telling him does nothing but guilt him and if he goes anyway, you’ll just resent that he went to have fun.
If you really don’t want to be that person don’t, accept that sometimes you have to adult instead of hang out and there will be other new years.
YWBTA if you just told him you were sad. That smacks of wanting to spoil his evening.
Being honest about your feelings is important in a relationship but there are ways and ways. For example, you could state the obvious: “I’m disappointed that my new job means I can’t join you for the countdown” and follow with “but I’m so glad you’ll be with friends and having fun, and we’ll share a private welcome to the New Year later, so enjoy yourself!”
YWBTA.
There’s zero reason to tell him *other than* making him feel bad. A simple “I wish I could be there, I’ll miss you” is more than enough.
If you’re not fond of new year as you said, why would it be different to any other night. You sound extremely selfish and want your boyfriend to be miserable with you. So YES TA
Dude chill, there’s no need for all that nastiness. She said she wanted to express feelings without guilting him, note the word without. Please go fix whatever issues you have before throwing baseless bs at people
NAH, youre never an asshole to explain how you feel about something, and hes not an asshole for wanting to go out on a holiday and celebrate. I get it, I work christmas even and new years eve until 11pm so I never get to go out with my partner to celebrate. We spend the daylight hours together to make up for it, or find a different day to celebrate. He knows im sad I cant go, so we find another way to be together a different time.
Editing to add, do NOT listen to this nastiness in your comments. People who dont know how to communicate emotions without being manipulative think that even wanting him to know youre sad is you being selfish, these are people who have never had a mature relationship. My partner always wants to know how things make me feel so we can solve things together, like how I mentioned doing alternate days. If id never told him I was sad about it, he wouldnt have thought to do that. Silence is a relationship assassin
NAH. I feel like everyone would feel sad in this situation. Plus, in any healthy relationship, you share your feelings. If you bring it to him the right way, you’re just sharing how you feel. Seems to me that with the right intentions, this is just healthy communication of feelings. But yeah, don’t try to convince him to stay home. Like you said, you understand why he’s going to the party.
YWBTA. there is literally no point in even pushing this topic because you can have your feelings and keep them inside and manage them. When you say “I’ll miss you if you go” is you guilting him out of having fun because he then realizes pleasing you means not having friends if you are jealous.
I have an ex husband who used to be secretly jealous like this and then it became a massive issue to where he would have a full blown panic attack because me and my best friend laughed more together than me and him. Like, yeah dude, she’s my best friend and she’s a girl so yes the relationship is more fun.
You do not need to make *any* comment alluding to you being sad or feeling left out.
The healthy thing here to do is say “have fun” and then not act miserable even if you are missing out for work.
Luckily this isn’t a death sentence!
You need to do what you need to do to have more freedom especially financially, and that’s your own journey.
Don’t start going down the path of allowing yourself little guilt trips, because then it’ll become a bigger issue if you’re emotionally dependent on others for your happiness.
Find your strength, and I hope 2026 does something cool that brings you less work and more money. Find ways to make that happen too so you can align with what you want.
In a world where he doesn’t exist, you’d still have work on the holiday. Journal it out, or even talk into the void to let it out. But never forget to be grateful for the privileges to go to your workplace, earn money, and miss your boyfriend. Let a new perspective carry you into some tranquility, my friend.
Nahhh you’re not being anything. You never once said anything about being jealous. You simply dislike the feeling that you can’t be with him. My lady and I are 2 peas in a pod. She doesn’t want to do things without me bc she wants me there. Everyone’s relationship is different. You 2 should have a good understanding of each other. You’ve been out of work for a year and beside him the whole time. You’ve grown used to being around him and now that’s going away.
That’s what people don’t realize before they speak on here. You’re more dependent on him emotionally bc of this. It’s completely normal and it’s normal to feel weird with such a sudden change going on. You can talk to him and say why you feel the way you do. It’s not a guilt trip, you have feelings and there’s a reason for those feelings and it’s not always some negative reason.
You can express yourself while being nice and supportive. Personally the lady and I don’t go to parties or drinking without each other. Neither of us are jealous, she had been rpd in the past and I’ve just seen a lot of bad in my life. So we both rather be safe and know things are ok and an easy fix is going together and if we can’t then we don’t go. No one feels bad about it. It’s what makes things easier for us.
You do what you feel is right. It’s your relationship