We’re a couple in our mid 30s. A typical middle class household in UK, committed to a frugal lifestyle since beginning.
Spending wholeheartedly on food (reasonably priced ones) and travel once a year. No kids, our ultimate goal is early retirement. We gift each other on birthdays from our separate bank accounts. Till now, the gifts have always been meant for the receiver, as it should be.
Generally, we’re against luxury products but my wife has been wishing for a Dyson hair dryer since around 3 months. Two months ago, she hesitantly told me about it for the first time. I was mildly against it. I didn’t say "no" but advised her to wait and think 7-15 days before making the purchase. Whenever we have the urge of buying something unnecessary, we just wait 7-15 days and the wish is gone! It works most of the times.
She didn’t mention it again, I forgot it too. Now yesterday was my b’day, she gifted me that same hair dryer. Before making any assumptions, I took a couple of mins to observe and think why she did that.
I opened it and after a 10-sec glance, I handled it to her. That was my strategic move to observe her reaction, in order to verify my assumptions. She immediately took it and very excitedly was looking and it, feeling the touch, it’s smoothness etc etc.
Then I straightforwardly told her that "This gift is not actually for me, right?" and this immediately spoiled her mood, she said "Why would you say that". After an awkward silence for a min, she went to the bedroom and acted asleep.
Currently, it’s morning of 16 Dec here, the box is still lying on the sofa, she didn’t touch it since then. ATIA? A couple of imp. points:
* I’ve full hair but very rarely use a hair dryer, maybe 2-3 times a year. I always keep my hair short (approx. 2 inches). Clearly not a fan of such grooming products.
* The previous hair dryer is working fine.
* We’re originally from India, I use Instagram, so I’m aware that Dyson products are gaining popularity among women.
This post would have been so much better if you said you were bald. ☹️
This is literally so tacky. You have 2 inches of hair? You can dry that with a fucking towel. Hell, stroll past the radiator and your hair will be dry.
For her next birthday buy her some beard oil or penis moisturiser (I’m a lesbian woman, idk what men buy for themselves)
NTA!
>Buy her some beard oil or penis moisturizer
Dying 😂
if it’s a gift for you – return it and get something you want – a couple of hundred pounds would go a long way
You are NTA for being upset that you were given a gift you didn’t want / that wasn’t really for you.
However, honestly your attitude sounds exhausting. Your wife wants something and has for a while. She had to hesitantly tell you about it. Is she nervous to tell you when she wants to spend money?
You didn’t say no to her? She is a grown adult with a job and her own money. The whole ‘tell her to think about it’ thing sounds to me like you are treating her like a child.
No one should have to tip toe around their partner when they want to buy something.
Not an assholery or not comment but I will say that hearing about this life put me to sleep.
Their goal is to retire early and do WHAT exactly? Go on two vacations a year and eat saltines with tap water?
It’s fake dude.
NTA but if this is the first time she’s done this maybe its because she doesn’t feel she has the ability to ever treat herself; it fine to be frugal but people need to live a little.
Technically, NTA – you are right in thinking that this gift wasn’t for you. On the other hand, maybe you guys should set aside a budget for things/experiences that you don’t need but just…want? I know the importance of saving money, but you also aren’t going to live forever and there’s not much point having money if you won’t use it.
Your both TA.
Frugal lifestyle doesn’t have to mean **cheap.**
My husband and I are child-free and plan to retire at 55. We also don’t like the quick-fashion consumer lifestyle. We do our research and do the math. We buy GOOD products that may be a bit pricey, but will last forever.
We get snow where we live. We didn’t buy cheap snow boots from Walmart. We did our research. We got Sorel Winter boots. We have had each of our pairs for over 10 years at this point. They are stylish AND still work amazing. With proper upkeep, the only thing we have had to replace is the laces.
I use to buy cheap Revlon hair dryers for $30-35. They broke after a year. I kept buying new ones each year. I ended up doing my research and getting a $350 Shark Hair Dryer. I have had it for 4 years at this point and it’s still in perfect condition. I also got it from Costco, so I can return it at any point if it breaks.
**So yes , while her gift was obviously not meant for you. You also made her feel bad about wanting to purchase something she really wanted, to the point that this was the only way she felt she could get it.**
Financial responsibility is all well and good. But what’s the point in living if your just gonna love off the bar minimum all the time?
NTA, but the way you talk about expenses, financial planning and how you “strategically” gauged her reaction gives me the impression you’re also emotionally very cold.
Sounds like your wife feels a lot of guilt for wanting nicer things in general. Do look into why is that and whether it’s warranted at all.
ESH
Read how you talk about it. “I took a couple of minutes to observe” and “my strategic move to observe”. She’s a person not a lab rat.
I think the actual gift she gave you was a clear message that despite your protestations she didn’t actually feel able to buy it for herself. Rather than focus on the hairdryer look at whether she does ever buy herself things or whether it’s only you who ever treats themselves after the 7-15 day cool off period.
Also is it both your aims to save now and retire early or just yours and she has no choice in the matter?
Are you 100% sure she feels like she has an equal say?
NTA, but also YTA. The way you speak about her and see her through your eyes isn’t giving “wife” or “love”- it’s giving science experiment and beneath me.
You’re totally right – she bought it for herself however the fact she was already waiting for THREE months to get your “blessing” to buy the product and then you asked her to wait again is ridiculous – you have no kids, just your own expenses which seem to be low. Money is meant to be enjoyed (within reason) – you’re trading minutes of your life for this commodify so enjoy it while you can and also – if $300 is what it took to bring joy to my spouse – I’d gladly pay that to see him smile for such a small amount. Like my brother said – who wants to be the richest man in the graveyard?