I never thought id have to make one of these posts but weve been bickering like crazy and i really could use an outside perspective.
I (19F) and my brother (16M) have always fought a decent amount, and for a significant amount of my childhood i remember not speaking to him, because i knew every single time i did it would turn into an argument.
Maybe hes just growing up and becoming the stereotype male but the way he treats me is honestly heartbreaking. He constantly had to fight whatever i say, going to extreme lengths to prove hes right (things that generally dont matter like movie. something that literally will not affect him if im wrong). he goes to such insane lengths to “prove” hes right, and when hes wrong he gets loud. and cuts people off. he constantly tells me to “shut up” and speaks over me, telling me im “emotional” and need to “calm down” to get a rise of me. and im easily ragebaited so this is extremely frustrating.
He constantly tells me im useless and worthless, and that im literally doing nothing with my life, and sometimes it gets to me. I have a causal retail job, and have a small business from home. he knows this, im not sure why he always tries to belittle me.
Dont even get me started on his ego, he genuinely thinks he is better than everyone else, and from a conversation literally an hour ago he told me he feels the need to give people a reality check, if he thinks their ego is too big. i cant make this up. i have told him multiple times in the nicest way that hes being a little hypocritical but it never gets through to him.
anyways long context my bad. my dad has a brother and they are no contact. and i just know if he keeps starting beef with me we are going to end up the same.
yes i annoy him sometimes and maybe i can instigate it sometimes but i never verbally abuse him (if thats even what this is) i genuinely feel manipulated. i know i can be mean but he just gets ticked off by little things. so yeah i spit back,
we have been back and forth for almost a decade. and we both know what the solution is. to be nicer to each other. but he wont start it and im sick of being nice to him just for him to be rude.
i think that im going to do what i used to. just not talk to him anymore. pretty much fully cut contact, as much as i can as we live in the same house. and then not talk to him as an adult. im sick of arguing with him and i honestly want nothing to do with him when he treats me this way. he just makes me so angry that when i finally raise my voice he starts going on about how im emotional. while smirking and my mother telling me to calm down when she watches it all unfold. i feel like im loosing my mind. and i mourn the person who he used to be but i cant keep dealing with this, when he doesnt listen
Your best bet is to not engage. I know it will be hard but if he’s like “You’re wrong.” even when you’re right go “ok.” and just go back to what you’re doing. If he tells you you’re worthless either go “ok” and mentally write him off for being annoying or get a concerned look and say “Are you ok?”
If he is trying to rage bait you and set you off so he can accuse you of being emotional your best bet is to just not engage.
What he is engaging in is what we call “Loser Behaviour” and telling him that won’t help. But grey-rocking, not engaging, not rising to it, just going “ok. Sure.” and ignoring him. Is going to upset him. Because he can’t feel superior to you then.
If he does kick off worse just go “whoa! No need to get so emotional! Are you ok?”
Judgement wise I think you’re nta but you’re being drawn into his attempts to rile you up and getting you upset and angry so you want to fire back or attack him in return.